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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

972 replies

SapphosRock · 17/08/2022 07:53

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

OP posts:
DreamToNightmare · 18/08/2022 12:11

When do school terms start in Scotland?

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/08/2022 12:12

The middle of August.

QueenWatevraWaNabi · 18/08/2022 12:15

I don't blame anyone for wanting to give their child advantages but what about the child in Scotland who is born on 1 March - they don't have any opportunities to defer. Why only Jan and Feb birthdays?

1st March is the start of the next intake; that's Scotland's equivalent of 1st September. So if kids automatically start school when they can, an end of February birthday is starting school at 4.5 and a March birthday is starting at 5 and 4 months.

DreamToNightmare · 18/08/2022 12:17

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/08/2022 12:12

The middle of August.

So if the school term starts in August why are Jan/Feb born children allowed to defer for another year?

Im clearly missing something 😁

QueenWatevraWaNabi · 18/08/2022 12:23

So if the school term starts in August why are Jan/Feb born children allowed to defer for another year?

Because the birthday intake runs March to February, rather than September to August.

QueenWatevraWaNabi · 18/08/2022 12:26

Scotland doesn't have Reception year though - they go straight into P1

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/08/2022 12:26

Because our kids start school between 4.5 and 5.5 years, the intake for each year starts in March, so kids who are 4 in March start in August. If your child is 4 in January or February (so just at the turn of new intake) they can automatically defer to the following intake to give them more time to mature - they would then start school aged 5.5 years and be the oldest kids in the class rather than the youngest.

We wouldn’t start a child in August who turned 4 in July, they would form part of the next cohort and go after their 5th birthday.

mummyjo40 · 18/08/2022 13:16

I cant bothered crawing back through these absolutely ridiculous replies (in the majority anyway)

You people really need to educate yourselves on csa starts. Your parents should ‘have held you all back a year’ 🙄

As it is i have 2 thriving little people who are 7 already going into yr2 next month. They wont have to move from yr 6 to yr 8 either. They will be allowed to stay with their current cohort for sports too. AND they will be actually be 17 when they do gcses too. Good for them.

No wonder i left this forum.

CatkinToadflax · 18/08/2022 13:18

SapphosRock · 18/08/2022 10:17

I'm focusing on my DD and her welfare, that's not the 'wrong thing'

To the contrary, the comments you've made on this thread indicate that rather than focusing on your DD and her welfare, you are focusing quite obsessively on the age and abilities of this other child. Who has done nothing wrong, and neither have her parents, or the school.

SofiaSoFar · 18/08/2022 13:25

STILL no one has answered as to how this works if everyone defers their summer born child?

If all parents defer their July/August children to the following year, it will just move the June born group of children to being the youngest.

The pushy parents of the June babies will then want to have them held back.

Where does it end? Why not just make it so that that 30th May is the cutoff for determining school year?

People are still saying that it's not about making sure your child is one of the eldest rather than one of the youngest, but given the above, it can't be about anything else.

Someone is always going to have the youngest child no matter where the cutoff is.

TheKeatingFive · 18/08/2022 13:29

STILL no one has answered as to how this works if everyone defers their summer born child?

This would be at the discretion of the various schools I presume. If there aren't spaces, there aren't spaces and so other criteria would be utilised

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 18/08/2022 13:30

And yes I could have deferred my DD but that's just perpetuating the cycle

Bollocks, you decided against it, or didn't think of it. Now you're projecting your guilt onto 'Lucy'.

timeforfunfunfun · 18/08/2022 13:31

@TheKeatingFive

you're conveniently ignoring the cognitive part. 18 months is a lot when you’re young and tbh the whole thing smacks of parents mollycoddling their children.

Katerpillaer · 18/08/2022 13:32

SofiaSoFar · 18/08/2022 13:25

STILL no one has answered as to how this works if everyone defers their summer born child?

If all parents defer their July/August children to the following year, it will just move the June born group of children to being the youngest.

The pushy parents of the June babies will then want to have them held back.

Where does it end? Why not just make it so that that 30th May is the cutoff for determining school year?

People are still saying that it's not about making sure your child is one of the eldest rather than one of the youngest, but given the above, it can't be about anything else.

Someone is always going to have the youngest child no matter where the cutoff is.

It is not about being the youngest. It is about not being ready for school. If every summerborn parent started their child at CSA, then the youngest child in the year would be born in March and therefore almost 4.5 when school starts, much like the Scottish system. (Of course that March child doesn't actually have to start until April of the reception year, when they're 5. The real issue is why we have so much formal learning in reception that it has become detrimental for any child to miss any of it, thus disadvantaging autumn- and spring-borns who start aged 5.)

TheKeatingFive · 18/08/2022 13:34

you're conveniently ignoring the cognitive part.

Erm, in what sense?

18 months is a lot when you’re young and tbh the whole thing smacks of parents mollycoddling their children.

No parent is doing anything wrong here. They are exercising rights made available to them by the school. Any issues with the process should be taken up with the school.

Katerpillaer · 18/08/2022 13:35

TheKeatingFive · 18/08/2022 13:29

STILL no one has answered as to how this works if everyone defers their summer born child?

This would be at the discretion of the various schools I presume. If there aren't spaces, there aren't spaces and so other criteria would be utilised

No, when you apply for reception aged 5 the process is exactly like when you apply aged 4, except that you must have permission from the relevant admissions authorities. All applications are treated the same and the same oversubscription criteria apply.

Jellycatspyjamas · 18/08/2022 13:38

People are still saying that it's not about making sure your child is one of the eldest rather than one of the youngest, but given the above, it can't be about anything else.

Theres a difference in the youngest child being say 4+ 4 months and the youngest just having turned 4. So yes there would always be a “youngest” child, but that child would be older and possibly more prepared for school. I can’t imagine sending a just turned 4 year old to school.

TheKeatingFive · 18/08/2022 13:39

All applications are treated the same and the same oversubscription criteria apply.

sorry, that's kind of what I meant, I muddied the waters by bringing the school into it

steff13 · 18/08/2022 13:40

A child starting school before she's ready could potentially negatively impact the rest of their lives. That was the case with my brother, who was born in June. My mother always lamented that she hadn't held him back a year.

People have to do what is best for their child. I can't believe anyone would think otherwise.

JenniferWooley · 18/08/2022 13:47

*Nobody would have been disadvantaged if the party had been postponed to September so all the girls would have been at least 7.

Lucy's parents could also have chosen an activity suitable for all her peer group but instead they chose one only suitable for the older girls.*

This has to be a wind up or your head is so far up your own arse you'll need surgery to remove it!

Who in their right mind postpones or arranges their own child's birthday party based on another child's snowflake parent & what they think you should do???

I usually went with whatever activity my kids wanted - what with it being their party!

CheeseyToasts · 18/08/2022 13:48

YANBU op I totally get where you're coming from

It's funny many of those accusing you of being unreasonable are the first to froth when a biological man enters a woman's sport and has an 'advantage'

But stick a child a year older in sports day she will have a massive advantage yet they're silent

Hopeandlove · 18/08/2022 13:50

In any year of school there will be a year between eldest and youngest. That’s what a year means.

doesn't hold you back though

TheKeatingFive · 18/08/2022 13:51

We're really comparing professional sport with year 2 running races now?

What do we expect schools do do, create height and weight classes?

DreamToNightmare · 18/08/2022 13:53

STILL no one has answered as to how this works if everyone defers their summer born child? If all parents defer their July/August children to the following year, it will just move the June born group of children to being the youngest.The pushy parents of the June babies will then want to have them held back

I did answer it actually.

I really wish there was a wall on MN so I could bang my head against it.

‘Holding them back’ is nothing to do with who wants their child to be the oldest and youngest in the year, it’s purely about the fact that some just turned 4 year olds are not emotionally/socially ready to start school.

JustLyra · 18/08/2022 13:54

SapphosRock · 18/08/2022 08:43

The party did work for others in her year group. Why should everyone else be disadvantaged just because your child wouldn't have been ready for a sleepover untill 2 months had passed and you deemed her ready?

Nobody would have been disadvantaged if the party had been postponed to September so all the girls would have been at least 7.

Lucy's parents could also have chosen an activity suitable for all her peer group but instead they chose one only suitable for the older girls.

So that’s the issue.

Your DD missed a party and that is something Lucy’s parents should have taken into consideration when deciding their daughter’s schooling…

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