August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

DDs friend in her class recently went abroad for a month on her own and is very confident and about 9" taller than DD. DD is extremely shy and doesn't even like ordering her own food in a restaurant! There is 6 months between them and they are both in the conventional year for their age. (They are 16)
However at primary school, one of the most self assured, confident, popular and sporty girls in the class was a girl with a birthday at the end of August.

How does being 19 affect you? I d rather he is 19 and has A levels under his belt and going to a good uni, than start at 4,fail gsce s and leave school at 16. And yes, there are 15 months between the youngest in my son s class and him :)

By that point it really does matter actually. For safeguarding in e.g. cadets or school trips you can't have an adult sharing a room with children.

Do they go through their whole school life a year "behind" or do they have to catch up at some point?

Even in England many students will be approaching 19 when they finish their A levels in their correct school year.

By that point it really does matter actually. For safeguarding in e.g. cadets or school trips you can't have an adult sharing a room with children.

So what, you get kicked out of cadets at 18? I'm sure they have systems to cope with that.

As for school trips, how did they cope with children who had to stay back a year before.

honestly, this is so ridiculous.

And many more will be approaching 20 if they do the course over 3 years.

OP you said she was moved back a year, so presumably started school at 4. It may well be the case that, additional support needs or not, she was coping emotionally or socially in her class. I’d love it if I could move my DD back a year, she could do with the extra time to mature but it’s not possible because of where her birthday falls.

There’s nothing wrong with giving your child the best start, and that’s what Lucy’s mum has done. I wonder if what’s actually bothering you is that your daughter has lost her status in the class - as queen bee, Alpha child or whatever it is - when Lucy has joined the class.

A parent seeing their child possibly having gone to school too soon and acting to correct that while they can is being responsible and promoting their child’s welfare, not trying to get one over on your child.

Yes, you do have to leave cadets on your 18th birthday. They used to keep them until the end of year 13 (or equivalent date if not in school), but now they leave when they turn 18.

But by the same token there are children with early September birthdays in your DDs class who are 12 months older than her.

But they don't seem to cause you an issue?

Strong, confident and articulate is something we should be encouraging in all children.

Starting to describe young girls as 'Alpha Females' and making this into something that is negative is toxic and misogynistic.

Ah well, if YOU weren't held back and YOU were an August born then it must be right. Thats some nice evidence base there 😂😂 whereas there is ACTUAL evidence that summer borns struggle because they accommodate for this in exams

Do they go through their whole school life a year "behind" or do they have to catch up at some point?

Why would they have to catch up?

They just start uni/college/training/jobs a year later. Similar to if they took a gap year.

By that point it really does matter actually. For safeguarding in e.g. cadets or school trips you can't have an adult sharing a room with children.

I’m not in the UK, but as I said up thread here, our kids start first year of school with a 18 month age range. So, by end of schooling we do indeed have 19yo sharing with 17yo on school camps, second last year would be 18yo with 16yo as range etc. We have single sex segregation for sleeping, toilets, showering etc on school camps, cadets and so on so hardly an issue and in no way illegal here. No idea what they do with trans by the way, never encountered this with any of my kids at school but I imagine a 19yo trans woman in with 17yo cis girls for showering/sleeping arrangements may not be the most sensible, but not sure we need to reorganise starting school age based on later trans possibilities?

Bit of a bonkers post really. In ireland it's up to the parents whether they go at 4 or 5 depending on how ready they feel their child is. As a result you can have up to 15 months between kids in one clas but no one bats an eye lid.
If you felt your dd was a bit young for her age , you should have held her not resent people who did. In my experience it's the ultra pushy parents here who send their kids at 4 citing how 'well able' they are -And in the main it's the quieter more timid kids that are held till 5.

Schools don't tend to do residential trips in year 13, they'll be done in year 11. Partly so as not to take them out of the classroom as their exams approach, but also so that you don't have 17yo sharing with "adult" 18yos.

I don't think "keeping children back a year" has been a thing for decades?

So what, you get kicked out of cadets at 18? I'm sure they have systems to cope with that

Same with Scouts. You can no longer participate as a youth member once you turn 18. You can join the next section for 18-25 year olds or become a leader. But over 18s cannot ever share a tent/dorm/room with under 18s.

Yes, you do have to leave cadets on your 18th birthday. They used to keep them until the end of year 13 (or equivalent date if not in school), but now they leave when they turn 18.

Cool, thanks for clarifying. So when you start school has absolutely no bearing on that whatsoever then.

But the same will apply for school trips in year 11 and if you start cadets in line with your school year (year8) you get one less year in your cadet "career"

A September child being deferred in Scotland bans going to P1 aged almost 6 with 4.5 year olds is so unusual that I’ve never ever come across it or heard of it. With three kids, 20 years of going back and forward to schools in an area famous for its pushy parents.

but as I’ve said so many times, deferral in Scotland just isn’t an issue. My youngest has a deferred child in his class born 1st Jan, Child’s nickname is Tiny because he’s so wee. He’s not winning all the sports day races even if he is 13 months older.

OP is totally obsessed with this deferred child - even without her, op’s child would STILL be the youngest, and STILL have peers almost a year older. A few weeks does not make that much of a difference.

Sorry year 12

and if you start cadets in line with your school year (year8) you get one less year in your cadet "career"

You'd get a month or two less than a September born. That's assuming you started in line with a school year.

What total barrel scraping.

But the one who’s expecting that is you not the school. I presume you went to school yeah? Was you expected to keep up with the smartest person?

I was not the youngest or eldest and there was people who did better and ones who did worse than me, it didn’t matter one bit, I wasn’t expected to perform the same.

YABU. The mother did what was best for her daughter and maybe you're realising that you didn't and feelint understandably guilty? I have an August baby and also moved them down a year. Confidence is absolutely KEY to a child - if a child believes that they are good at something, they will be. If they feel they arent, they'll feel stupid and lose confidence, and these feelings can shape their self image and stay with them for life. Lucy's mother knew there was a risk that Lucy would be average or behind in the 'correct' year group, so she chose the year group within which Lucy could thrive. Good for her for doing what's best for her daughter. You can't seriously belueve that she should have put YOUR daughter's feelings ahead of what's best for her own child???

It depends what's important to you I suppose. For my DS who lacked confidence, cadets was far more valuable than school in many ways and the things he achieved and developed in his final months are what got him started in his career.

But mostly my point is how does it work for school trips in year 12, if a child is already an adult and can't share with a child?

@SapphosRock you’ve also described this child as a friend of your DD. What kind of message are you sending her about celebrating the achievements of her friends - in my DS’s friendship group if one of them win anything the others are cheering the loudest for them, not moaning that their success meant the other came 4th.

What a friend gains is no loss, teaching your DD to celebrate her friends, to recognise her own strengths and achievements will do her the world of good. Being graceful in defeat, without the loss defining your whole self is an important quality to have in life.