August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

There's no cut off in Ireland. They just have to start junior infants before they turn 6. They could be turning 6 on the 2nd of September.

A school near me was so oversubscribed that the year my dd was due to start, they introduced a rule that junior infants had to be 5 before the 1st October. My dd is October born and if I had sent her to that school she would have been almost 6 before she started.

My eldest is April born and I kept him back a year. He was the oldest in his class. He definitely wasn't ready to start at 4, but by 6th class he was so bored with the curriculum that he completely disengaged. He is so much happier in secondary. He is happy that I kept him back because he is a late developer and the difference between him and his peers would have been a lot more noticable if he was a year younger.

airpods maybe as it becomes normal for summer borns it won't be an issue but as this cohort come through senior I expect it will be an issue, senior is cruel.

I think you're probably the only person comparing your DD unfavourably to Lucy.

But so what? The system is set up the way it is to allow flexibility where it’s needed. What does it matter if some people’s reasons are ‘I just want to’? Your daughter is ‘competing’ with children a matter of weeks younger than Lucy anyway (and plenty of people have already pointed out it’s not a competition), so precisely what difference does it make to you what Lucy’s mum’s reasons were? Would it be acceptable to you for Lucy to have been moved down a year if she was not academic, bad at sports, too scared to speak on stage and didn’t like sleepovers? What is she blossomed part way through primary school, would she have to then move up a year?

I don’t live in UK but did go to primary school there. Back then my special needs brother born in August wasn’t allowed to stay back even though there was no places in any SEN school to take him. He was miles behind academically, emotionally and socially.
My eldest DC was born in July and I could have sent him at 4 if I had wanted to, I waited until he was 5. He wasn’t ready at 4. Most parents here now wait to 5 to send their kids to school especially boys. Parents get a choice to start their child when it suits their individual child be it 4 ot 5. Some kids are more mature then others. It does lead to a wide age range within classes here. Sometimes there can be 18 months between the oldest and youngest in a class.

Nothing wrong with parents doing right by their child they don’t have to consider the other children in their decision making.

My dd is the same there are 2 of her class mates that turn 8 in the week they go back to school where my dd will be turning 7 next week so it makes no difference if a child was kept back a year there will always be a age gap.

You are being very unreasonable. Being able to choose which year group a summer born child enters is good news. It means the actual needs of the child can be taken into account. Some children who are just 4 are absolutely not ready to enter reception, some are . You could have moved your child down a year if you thought it was better for her. I don't understand why you think this shouldn't be allowed.

You're making an issue where there isn't one. You have access to the same opportunities for your child and not accepting them because it maybe unfair on other summer borns is the most ridiculous excuse ever.

You do what is best for YOUR child just as the other Mum has done best for hers. I highly doubt parents put their child in a year later to be 'by default the best at everything'. Older children only have that advantage in the first few years, then the age gap becomes less apparent. Why would a parent put their child a year later so they can win sports day races and get parts in a school play when in infants?! They have their whole lives ahead of them and they will not stay the strongest forever

It is far more likely Lucy was not socially ready to start school a year earlier so her parents held her back to a time when she had developed more confidence. I am a Summer born and was academically ready to start school but socially I struggled a lot in my early years. I feel that held me back with friendships for many years after that. Whether starting a year later would have helped or not, I will never know but I can see why parents do it.

It also makes no difference that there is 14-5 months between the oldest and youngest. Both my children have attended a nursery setting where they move to preschool room anytime after 2.5yrs (based on readiness) and stay in the same setting until they start school. That can be over 2 years between the oldest and youngest. They are taught in mixed age groups based on abilities and DD was in a group with children who were 4.5yrs when she just turned 3 for some activities because she was ready but with those her age for others. The age difference is far far more apparent then but it works just fine

The thing is though OP you’re focusing on Lucy’s mum deferring because of her birth month ……

What are you going to do when there’s a child with a birthday in November or February or May who just happens to be doing better than your dc/is bigger or taller/ gets a main part in the Xmas play - at some point you have to just take a step back and go is on your own child it’s not a competition

*focus on not go is🤦‍♀️

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

Well, there's no poll, but the overwhelming response seems to be, 'Yes, you are.'

I can kind of see OP's point. It does seem like a really late cut-off point, and it definitely seems a bit odd to have kids 13 months apart in age in the same class. Thing is, although differences might be quite big now, they'll ebb away with each passing year. Also, Lucy may find other kids start to dismiss her success due to her advanced age, so that could be an unforeseen downside.

That said OP, PPs are probably right that it's pointless dwell on this. What's done is done and your DD will probably benefit from the challenge in the end.

We all have winter birthdays in my family. I'm envious of those with summer birthdays but I never thought about how awkward it makes school entry decisions.

I just don't want my daughter to start school at 4 and a couple of weeks. Life is long and boring enough as it is without her missing an extra year of carefree fun.

So, as I don't live in a Scandinavian utopia, deferring it is.

Someone above asked about the process.

There is a Facebook group called Flexible Admissions for Summerborn Children. People on there are very helpful, and there are guides on there to help you.

Happy birthday! 🎈

I've often wondered how this works out liong term for the children whose parents choose to keep them down, do they still go to High School at 11, do GCSEs at 16 or are they always almost a year older than their class?

I completely agree, OP.
The idea is to have max 12m difference within a year group, allowing people to defer doesn’t make sense, there will always be a youngest and an oldest in each year but now the difference can be more than 12m…

If it makes you feel better, I really think the deferred children will resent their parent’s decision when they reach Uni age.
Basically they will be one year older than their peers at the same stage in life: they will have had one more year of childhood play when they were 4 (which they won’t remember) but one less year to build your career/save for a house/pay into a pension etc.
I skipped a class and I always felt I gained a year.

The cut off is Easter. Any child born born after the summer term has started has the right to request they start school in reception when they become of statutory school age, which is the term after they turn 5. One of my DD was born in May 2018 and we have defered her entry until next September for basically everything you said in your post. Why wouldn't I want my child to be the oldest in the year and thrive like Lucy is. My DD is extremely confident, no SEN, already reading a little bit, but I think just 4 is too young for full time school. Your post is an amazing advert for allowing children to defer entry.

The pp annoy me because someone has to be the youngest, if all summer born children are kept back then it will be the spring children that are the youngest and that starting doing badly at GCSE.
This misses the point completely. It's not about being the youngest in the class it's about maturity and readiness to learn. A just 4 year old may not be mature enough or ready for reception. Spring born babies would be 4 and a half that 6 months can make a huge difference. They won't suddenly do badly in GCSEs because they were the youngest in their class.

Your DD missed out on a party because you didn’t let her go.

please don’t teach your child that
other people are responsible for choices you make
that they have no agency because of when they were born.
that her achievements only count if she gets a medal or some other symbol.Celebrate that she came 4th, not worry that she didn’t come first.

Wow, if I were Lucy’s mum I would be very happy my DD was no longer in a class with your DD if you are always so judgy and jealous. Here ins Aus the way the system works there is often an 18 month age range in a class, everyone manages to deal with it.

you can ask to defer your summer born a year. Not just august but anyone born in the summer term. It is a parents choice. My DD could have deferred as late July but she would not have benefitted from it. She would have been bored as needs stimulation. You have to judge your own child. I had a friend with four boys all born in September and planned this way. They won everything at school but once they left into the real work they struggled. Your DD will do fine she is aiming high so will strive more than if she was always the Top.

Oh please...

My son is one of the oldest and didn't get a bronze medal at sports day either, he is also behind in writing and spelling, should I kick off?! 🙄

Why wouldn't you think, wow - despite being the youngest, DD did so well in the race!

Or maybe stop comparing your child to others and maybe you'll be happier.

Oh FGS. I have delayed my summer born (England) as he is developmentally delayed, but I can assure that if every parent was allowed to choose freely, the abilities in a classroom would even out.
In my own country you have to apply to anticipate in case your child is academically advanced and not the opposite (which already makes more sense), so there can be children in a classroom with up to a 18 months age gap, no problems or jealousies and no need for sets etc, as mixed abilities are quite similar anyway. So saying “where you put the threshold” is nonsense.

Cross post @Duttercup
Life is long and boring enough as it is without her missing an extra year of carefree fun

Do you really think (genuine Q) that when they reach 20-25 your DC will be happy they had an extra year before school (which they won’t remember) but one less year to build a career/save for a house etc?
I would have been quite mad at this age if all my peers were 1y younger than me and would have felt my parents literally held me back