August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

@SapphosRock
You are not being unreasonable

The cut off at our school when I was younger was 28th August

You couldn’t just move your child down a year, or up a year.

I am a May birthday and I had friends who were August birthdays. We definitely were slightly slower or not as academic as our almost a year older friends in the same class.

My friends are school teachers, I asked them this question and they agree there is some level of difference (not all cases of course. Sometimes there can be a 8 year old more advanced or smarter than a 10 year old)

13 months is quite a gap. Usually the max is 11/12

What matters most is stop worrying about her friend in her class and worry about her own personal development for the age your DD is. Do not compare her to other children. We are always going to have someone smarter than us or not as smart as us.

The opportunity is there for anyone with a child who is in the youngest portion of the year. Some parents might be unaware, others might not be able to take advantage from a financial or practical point of view, but I can't see how it's pushy or sharp elbowed to take an opportunity offered, that you believe is a benefit your child .
In reality most people would take opportunities offered if they thought they were advantageous to their own child. They are not taking anything from anyone else, or asking for special treatment for their child.

Would anyone with a 1st September child send them to school a year early, making them the youngest I the year above, just in case they disadvantaged the youngest children in their own year by being the oldest...?

But that is exactly what Lucy’s parents thought when they realised she would be going through school with children 11 months older! They are giving her a chance to build confidence, achieve academically , emotionally and physically, and it seems to be paying off. The difference does even out eventually, at four years old a year of age represents a quarter of your entire experience so you have had a quarter less exposure to language, you are a quarter less emotionally experienced, physically your body and muscles are a quarter less developed and competent, at eight it represents an eighth of your experience and so on, by the time you are 12 the differences are negligible.

It’s an interesting point, OP. I was the youngest in my class but also the brightest.

I have done well but maybe I would have done even better if I hadn’t been the youngest? Who knows.

Yep we had that when I was a child - I had a January birthday and started after Easter. I did mean that I missed out on two terms of Reception though, we moved up to Year 1 in September along with everyone else. So I might have well have started the previous September.

Lucy’s parents thought when they realised she would be going through school with children 11 months

But now there are children going to school with other children who are nearly 17 months older.

When should the cut off be? Let's have a free for all and let everyone choose what year their child attends.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

This is the most bizarre part of the thread. Your daughter ‘missed out on a fun party’ because you didn’t let her go! How is it the fault of the other child? Should her mother have checked in advance whether each and every parent approved of the birthday activity?

Maybe what will REALLY disadvantage your daughter in life is not sharing her primary school class with someone a month too old, but reaching adulthood and realising not everything and everyone will adjust to suit her needs, just because her mommy says so.

Would anyone with a 1st September child send them to school a year early, making them the youngest I the year above, just in case they disadvantaged the youngest children in their own year by being the oldest...?

Given the chance I almost certainly would have sent at least one of my September borns the year before I was allowed to, because he was totally ready and bored out of his mind at pre school. The other was also academically ready, but perhaps not emotionally.

In Scotland, anyone whose child whose birthday is between the school start in August and the following 28th Feb has the right to request deferral, but it's not automatic. Jan/Feb birthdays there are no questions asked but for Aug-December children there is a whole separate issue around Councils not wanting to fund pre-school for another year so parents are either faced with funding that themselves, or going down the route of ed psych reports and so on. Very few Aug-Dec birthdays are deferred. Many more Jan/Feb birthdays are deferred.

In England the system is different in that parents of summer borns must say WHY they want their child deferred - jan/feb birthdays in Scotland do not need to do this. Your scenario of a boy born 1st April being deferred purely on the basis of sharp-elbowed parents who want him to be way older, and then that 1st April boy preying on a girl whose birthday is end August is unrealistic in the same way that there are vanishingly few Oct/Nov/Dec children deferred in Scotland.

It is going to be the parents of the children whose birthdays in England are in the "summer holiday" period who MAY want to take advantage of this. The 25 July - 31 August cohort. And it's a choice for the parents, some will take advantage, some won't.

And the very idea that all 13 year old boys want nothing more than to have sex with your 11 year old is still weird.

If it’s not a complete why didn’t Lucy start in her correct year?

Competition obviously!

I also thought about whether I'd do this for my child, however the point is that you're still considering your own child, not wider societal fairness, so you can't blame the parents who keep theirs back. Few are willing to gamble their own children's future, we all do what we think is best

My eldest is August born and when deciding between two educational systems (British or European), we chose the European one purely because the intake age is from January to December.

My daughter is already the smallest and the shyest in her class as it is, if she was the youngest - she would really struggle to be seen or heard. So I think it's great to have this option to postpone for a year.

@SapphosRock
In retrospect I wish I’d kept DS back a year.
for boys especially, being nearly a year younger physically makes a big difference.
It IS more advantageous to be the oldest and tallest in one’s year, for sure.

This makes no sense. It’s only one month’s difference! You could have deferred your daughter too if you thought she wasn’t ready.

And the very idea that all 13 year old boys want nothing more than to have sex with your 11 year old is still weird.

In fairness it was another poster that said that but the difference between an 11 year old and a 13 year old is immense. I think it wouldn't be fair on either of them. Plus senior school is tough, there will be questions and teasing about why the 13 year old is kept back, why he is friends with and 11 year old.

And as this continues through the years, a 16 year old dating someone in his class that is 14, a 17 year old doing his GCSEs with 15 year olds.

I cannot believe you just wrote that. Do you have a 13 year old??? If this is your view of the world, I feel sorry for you.

For all manner of reasons listed in this thread. Not emotionally ready. Still having an afternoon nap. SEN (plenty of autistic and ADHD girls are very bright and come across as very confident, but may struggle at school in other ways). Parents being deployed abroad for a year. That’s just a few.

My dd is late aug birthday I want to defer her but I’m not sure about the process does anyone know would she be allowed to do 2 years at school nursery or would her nursery start be deferred too as they only take one intake in sep each year so she can either go at just 3 or just 4 ?

We start school at 7 in Sweden and have 3 month summer holiday

Likewise. Our 1st Sept kid was completely ready to start school at the same time as her cousin who was born three days earlier.

I quite like the idea of a month-either-way system of some sort.

For all manner of reasons listed in this thread. Not emotionally ready. Still having an afternoon nap. SEN (plenty of autistic and ADHD girls are very bright and come across as very confident, but may struggle at school in other ways). Parents being deployed abroad for a year. That’s just a few.

I did explain in the OP that none of this applies to Lucy. Her mum just wanted her to be the oldest.

I know this because her mum told me.

Sounds like Lucy is doing brilliantly.

And it has absolutely nowt to do with you. Focus on your own kid.

But in Scotland it's really not. There are so many people who have deferred their Jan/Feb birthdays that there is no teasing or questions at all. Because it's normal.

And for children born before Jan/Feb and still deferred - there are SO few of them - there will usually be a reason. Someone who's moved from a different country, has special needs or whatever. With three kids in large year groups I have known of this happen just once - and that was a child with significant physical health challenges who had spent about 18 months in hospital before the age of 4, and who needed regular ongoing treatment.

I really think that your concern about thousands of early April birthdays being deferred is unjustified based on how the system is set up, and how it has been happening here for decades.

The issue is quite frankly 13-year-olds will try and shag anything that moves at school and their peer group will be your 11-year-old.

Seek professional help, I beg you.