August babies shouldn't be allowed to move down a year

[SapphosRock]

My DD has a late August birthday, she is 6 nearly 7 and about to go into Year 3.

A friend in her class (let's call her Lucy) has an early August birthday but was allowed to move down a year. She is already 8.

No special needs, her mum just decided she would prefer her DD to be the oldest in the class rather than one of the youngest.

This has impacted my DD in a few ways. She is good at sports but being the youngest means she doesn't often win. On Sports Day Lucy came first in the year 2 running race. My DD came 4th so missed out on a medal.

Lucy had a sleepover for her 8th birthday and invited the girls in DD's class. Most went but I didn't think DD was ready for a sleepover as she's still only 6 so she missed out on a fun party.

Lucy got the biggest speaking part in the Christmas play as she is the most confident and articulate.

AIBU and precious to think Lucy should have been kept in the correct year group?

This is encouraging to hear!

Well done to your DS.

I agree! My home educated grandchildren have followed the Nordic system and are thriving.

My friend and I had children born in the same month. She would have held her ds back but I would not have done so with my dd. There was no option at the time. Now that the children are going into year 10, she knows it would have been a mistake to hold him back.

You absolutely made the right choice for your dd. She is obviously bright. My dd never got big speaking parts and it was always the same children, who did, which was annoying at the time even though I understood why. She did get picked for a swimming gala and a public speaking event, both in year 6. As for sports day, dd’s primary school did not do competitive personal races, only house teams, which was far better imo. Had it been competitive, dd probably would have won or scored highly in certain races as she is very sporty.

My dh was put up a year and some children went down. As a result, he was in classes with children 2 years older than him. Already the shortie, all the boys in his class having reached puberty and him not, towered above him. He did very well academically and in sport.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I think just turned four is far too young for any child to start school unless it is structured around play and activities rather than sitting on their bums doing reading and writing. It seems that increasingly there is a focus on getting them reading and writing and doing maths from the off. I know my summer born boy with SEN struggled terribly. I would imagine girls like Lucy would probably cope fine and her parents may well find she is bored a few years down the line and would thrive more in the older year group.

Age has nothing to do with ANYTHING you listed.

Sports day... zero baring on anything, you kid might just not be that good where as the other kid is.

My oldest was crap at sports day (dispite being one of the oldest) because hes a lumbering lummox but he LOVES sports and is in all the sports clubs (hasnt made him any better).

My younger DS has sports day was a blooby disaster, he would get half way through a race forget and wander off, at one point he joined the wrong race midway through, hes the oldest in his class.

Sleepover - you made a choice, your DD did not miss out because of them she missed out because of YOU. I know people who did sleepover 6 and younger, I didnt do them because I have CP that effects my bladder and could wet the bed until around 10. Never thought to blame someone for their choice of party though.

School play... is a teacher popularity game, NOTHING to do with ability.

The one same girl in our DS's school got the role of Mary every single year, she was a lovely girl and decently articulate (not the best) but she handle being on stage well and the teachers loved her. My Ds was exceptionally articulate but as mentioned before a less than graceful clutz so never got more than 1 line even though he was articulatly one of the best in the class to read as narrator he never got it (one year a kid with an regional accent so thick no one could understand it was narrator).

My younger DS can't talk as he has CP too, I would be very suprised if he ever gets a speaking role dispite the fact hes the oldest and loves attention so thrieves on acting things out.

My ex fiance was the youngest in his class (August 30th baby) and trust me he did not struggle in life, that lucky bastard smooth sailed through everything - it's amazing what the natural gift of 'charm' will do for a person.

I think you’re being a bit ridiculous. Both my boys are born first week of September. They are oldest in their year. One of them is average at sport but doesn’t win medals. One of them is better. Should they also not be allowed to compete against the likes of your daughter in their year who were born almost a whole year after them? ‘Lucy’ could have been born a matter of a couple of weeks later and she’d be in the ‘correct’ year even by your standards.

Life is never entirely fair though. If you're born in a different part of the world (where the cohort would be born January to December in the same year), the November and December-born children would be disadvantaged.

I didn't think it was actually that easy to keep children down a year in the state sector these days.

Won't it also potentially cause Lucy issues later on in her education (when she's in the sixth form)?

I delayed my son’s school start by a year, he is 8 on Friday and going up into year 3. It was nothing to do with wanting him to be the oldest, but everything to do with him not being ready to start school at 4 years and a few days old. Giving him that extra year meant he started school more confident and ready to learn. If we had a school starting age of 6 I probably wouldn’t have done it.

There is one child in his class who is not yet 7, and a couple who are only recently 7, so he is around a year older than them. Their parents had the same opportunity to delay their school start, but didn’t, presumably because they felt they were doing what was best for their child just as we did.

I’m not going to make a decision for my child based on what other parents want, just like I wouldn’t expect it the other way around.

FWIW, being the oldest hasn’t meant my son has automatically been best at everything. He’s pretty rubbish at football. He’s very good at maths, but there are a fair few who’s reading and writing is stronger. He got a couple of stickers at sports day but didn’t get a sticker in every race he ran (given to places 1-4). I always tell him that as long as he does his best, that’s all that matters.

@SizzlingAwayIntheHotSun I don't think everyone does have a choice when they have their children. Unless you have amazingly predictable fertility or all the time in the world, plus many other factors, I don't think that's the case for many people.
I'm a teacher and my son was born in September. Everyone used to say, oh that was well planned. Nope, it just happened that way. He won't start school until next year but being a September birthday won't give him any advantages. We're currently getting him assessed for adhd and he is very behind in terms of emotions and behaviour which I think will hold him back.

Like I said before, I've taught autumn birthday children, who struggle at school and summer ones who are top of the year group. There are so many different factors at play.

And it's also a tad unfair that some kids have to perform the same as kids 11 months older than them!

Works both ways.

Your daughter came 4th in a race against a group of children who were all older than her and rather than celebrating how impressive that is (which it is!) you're kicking up a fuss because she didn't do even better? and blaming that on another small child?

I've chosen to defer my child who has a late august birthday. Yes I would prefer for him to be the oldest in the class rather than the youngest but it's nothing to do with wanting him to be better than everyone else, it's because those are the only two options available to us and he wasn't ready for school when he was just 4. You would have had that option too.

Oh and you ask what the cut off is. The parents of any child born between April and August can request that their child be given a delayed school start (ie reception start at compulsory school age). It’s a bit of a postcode lottery as to whether it will be allowed, but there is a lot of support available for those wanting to do it.

best decision we ever made.

You sound so entitled and deranged. Get help.

I am an end of August baby and I think my parents should have kept me back. I just didn't have the maturity that some of my classmates did.

It's up to Lucy's mum what's best for her DD.

DD1 was July born but was practically ready to start school when she was three. Always ahead academically, was actually good for her to be in a class with several smart September/October borns. My birthday is September and I always felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb at primary school - tallest, oldest, and academically ahead- actually when I moved schools in Y6 there were a larger cohort of bright kids and I fitted in better. DD2 is much more in the middle academically and her birthday is in the middle of the year, and I worried about whether she was ready for school at 4.5, but she was fine. TBH though I think they could all do with starting formal schooling later at 6 or 7.

My DS was born first week of September, I thought he was the oldest in his year but then realised there was a child there born in June. It was an independent school so not an issue for them, this kid was miles ahead in every way. Turns out my kid is autistic so he was never going to be ‘competing’ for top of anything. Just focus on your child and forget what the others are doing.

The cut off is the 31st March. Anyone born between 1st April and end of August can be deferred. Schools don't promote it much as it probably screws all their admissions. Also no guarantee they they will be allowed to continue this deferred entry into secondary school. I suspect you weren't aware that this option was available to you.

I agree. There needs to be a single clear cut off that applies to everyone. The only exceptions I would agree to is:

Prematurity pre 37 weeks. Eg a child who should have been born in October and arrives in August. Although even here it is not always necessary.

Medical issues - eg a child who has had a severe illness and been hospitalised for many months in toddler hood such that they are delayed due to lack of socialisation with peers, exposure to varied environments

Looked after children who may have had traumatic starts in life. Eg children removed from abusive homes who may have developmental delays due to the trauma they have been exposed to

If a child has additional needs that mean they will struggle to manage in their own cohort, does delay even lead to meaningful catch up? Or does it simply delay a decision that perhaps mainstream isnt the right environment for that child.

Reception is part of eyfs and the curriculum is age appropriate, plus infant schooling in the UK is well geared to managing the range of maturity in any given class. so imho people who try and make out that their little are "not ready" really just want to give their child an age advantage over peers.

I think it's unfair to say that the option is there to be the best at everything. No parent will be thinking this when taking a decision to defer. The decision is made on the basis of the needs of the child and their ability to cope with school entry timing.

I am an end of August baby and I think my parents should have kept me back. I just didn't have the maturity that some of my classmates did

That's why they didn't put me up a year - I was assessed by an educational psychologist as really bright but not socially mature enough to start school early.

You do have a choice when you have your children, we purposely avoided having babies born after Feb (so didnt try july-Dec) as I didn't want my children to be at a disadvantage
, you had good enough fertility / had enough time in terms of years to not ttc for half the year, lots of people don't. Not to mention unplanned pregnancies unless you abstained for six months.

Surely you also need to avoid September and October due dates to due to prematurity so really you should only l aim to give birth Nov-Feb.

I think this thread shows from 10 pages of anecdata that it's entirely dependent on the child and therefore having the option is by far the best thing. DS is August born, now Y8 and I wish I could have kept him back. He is academically, socially and emotionally not on a par with his peers, especially those who are September born and just way more advanced. It's been awful at times. If your summer born is ready and thriving great, if not, or if it becomes apparent at x point in their schooling, then they can move.

My DD is the oldest in her class (September born, I didn't hold her back) and it doesn't seem to have given her any sporting advantage. She is doing well academically but then her summer born brother did too. I'm not sure if I'd have held her back if she'd been those few days older, she did seem very young but spent most that extra year bored at nursery.

I think they could all do with starting formal schooling later at 6 or 7.

I disagree. British schooling caters for a range of maturity levels, what's covered in "school" in reception is similar to what's covered in "preschool" in countries who start "school" later.

My 5 year old is sat here happily reading books in his head, he absolutely loves maths & numbers & socialises really well with peers. I think he would have gone bonkers if he'd not started school til 7.

You do have a choice when you have your children, we purposely avoided having babies born after Feb (so didnt try july-Dec) as I didn't want my children to be at a disadvantage

you had good enough fertility / had enough time in terms of years to not ttc for half the year, lots of people don't. Not to mention unplanned pregnancies unless you abstained for six months

Yes, quite. DD1 was unplanned but super academic and being July born was an advantage. DD2 was planned, born in Feb, in the middle academically but super tall and super sporty.