"Darling, don't be smug"

[comeonangel]

Visiting at a friend's house (not local) our 2 DDs, both age 3 playing - hers is slightly younger than mine.

Her DD and mine are doing a puzzle together and mine can't do it as quickly as hers can.

Her DD says something to my DD along the lines of "I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two".

My friend replied "darling, don't be smug."

Was this a dig that my DD is developmentally behind or something? I ask genuinely as it's not a term that's used here where I live and I've just read another thread about 'smug' meaning superior.

AIBU to now be thinking her telling my DD off for being 'smug' was an implication that my DD was behind?

The thought going into this is brilliant! Mum flexing her 3 year old doing a puzzle, whilst cleverly disguising it as teaching her a life lesson about being smug. Whilst at the same time we all know she's clearly proud her child is better than the other at completeing a puzzle.

Or she could have just been telling her child to pipe down!

I definitely hope it's the former now! We should all champion our kids, even when they are smartarses!

That’s a bit of a mean reply to someone who was trying to reassure you? I would say you did overthink it or you wouldn’t have come on MN asking about it😏

I think smug is an odd choice of word with a 3yo, but she was telling DD to stop putting your DD down/stop showing off.

OTOH, I suspect there could have been an element of parental smugness in drawing attention to it.

I think children learn to understand words that their parents say to them regularly, regardless of whether they're unusual words or not. I have a somewhat esoteric/unusual/weird vocabulary myself (it's the autism - I talk like I've eaten a dictionary) and my children sound correspondingly odd for their age because I often talk to them. DS1 would have spoken like the visiting friend's child, for sure - not DS2 as he has speech delay (more autism) but definitely DS1.

I also agree the visiting mum was telling her DD not to be a dick, which was good of her.

I have sons and their interactions with friends is very different than girls. My friend has girls and we have often discussed how different the dynamics are - we must both be very sexist😁🙄

No, it doesn't infer your child is less than. She's pulling up her daughter on her smug comment which is what a good parent would do in this situation: teach them manners and humility.

I too am wondering where you live (can't be in the UK surely) where the word 'smug' is unknown!

It's also not a word I'd expect 3 year olds to understand the meaning of! Odd.

Children understand whatever words they're taught. If the child's mother always uses that word instead of, say, "don't show off" or "don't brag" then it's what the child will understand. Especially if, as a pp said, it's an ongoing lesson that the mother has been trying to teach her for a while.

I remember starting primary school and being perplexed by certain supposedly "childish" words that everyone seemed to be using such as "poorly" and "cross", as my parents never used those words, they just said "ill" or "angry", so I didn't understand what they meant at first.

@DietrichandDiMaggio true I was referring specifically to where I live but don't want to name 😊

@stuntbubbles fair enough I concede 😂😂

Why don't you know what smug means?

Sounds fair enough to me.

lol at the OP being snarky given the whole thread reads like they don't know what the word 'smug' means.

I probably wouldn’t have used smug with a 3 year old. But maybe it’s an ongoing issue and this 3 year old is familiar with the term and that it means they’re not being nice to their friend.

when DS2 was at nursery, the staff found it hilarious that he would sometimes declare ‘well that’s a bit problematic!’ He heard the word at home (both parents were academics in the social sciences so he’d picked it up in passing).

I guess that example could sound smug. But it isn’t. Because there was nothing especially impressive about it - it reflected what he heard at home rather than any intelligence or whatever in him.

No different to him saying he had a skelf rather than a splinter because that’s what I call them.

And my response when the nursery staff told me was to think ‘oh. They must think we’re total wankers!’

Ha, you’ve obviously never been to Harrogate

@Changechangychange Harrogate is too posh for me !!(beautifull tho)

Yes you must be

@BiasedBinding

I have both boys & girls. Their friendship dynamics are v different - it's not sexist to say so, no idea why you need to be snippy to @BellePeppa

It doesn't mean that all girls interact the same way or that all boys do - my kids are v sporty & active compared to other DC that might be quieter / more artistic / enjoy being inside.

But in general, I agree that boys & girls interactions with their friends, after a certain point, is different.

Nicely put!

Exactly. The key thing is that the PERSON BEING SMUG thinks it's an achievement. Whether it is an achievement in the eyes of anyone else is irrelevant. My cat is smug because he brought in a slug this morning. I certainly don't agree that this is a towering achievement, but there is only one word for his current mood- SMUG.

Smug is my new favourite word.

Smug means excessive pride. I don't think you need to read into it too much.

Christ on a bike ...

This is why I'm wary about spending time with my friends who are parents. I might become public enemy number one by saying something completely innocent.

Lives need to be got.

🙄😏