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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Darling, don't be smug"

167 replies

comeonangel · 16/08/2022 23:12

Visiting at a friend's house (not local) our 2 DDs, both age 3 playing - hers is slightly younger than mine.

Her DD and mine are doing a puzzle together and mine can't do it as quickly as hers can.

Her DD says something to my DD along the lines of "I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two".

My friend replied "darling, don't be smug."

Was this a dig that my DD is developmentally behind or something? I ask genuinely as it's not a term that's used here where I live and I've just read another thread about 'smug' meaning superior.

AIBU to now be thinking her telling my DD off for being 'smug' was an implication that my DD was behind?

OP posts:
Antarcticant · 17/08/2022 07:24

It was shorthand for 'boasting about yourself is unattractive, especially when you are comparing others unfavourably to yourself, so stop doing it.'

Whoactuallythinksthat · 17/08/2022 07:24

I actually think “Darling, don’t be smug”, in this context, means, “Yes, darling, you’re much better than her, but don’t show off about it, she can’t help the fact that she’s a bit slow.”
From reading the OP’s previous comments, I’m wondering if the other mum said it because she was fed up with her attitude.

J0y · 17/08/2022 07:29

Such horrible comments. Can op not ponder this without being told she,she is overthinking, sensitive, worrying too much..... When she says she's actually fine,add passive aggressive to the growing list.

How is anybody brave enough to post on mn?

ReneBumsWombats · 17/08/2022 07:38

I actually think “Darling, don’t be smug”, in this context, means, “Yes, darling, you’re much better than her, but don’t show off about it, she can’t help the fact that she’s a bit slow.”

It really doesn't.

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2022 07:41

Whoactuallythinksthat · 17/08/2022 07:24

I actually think “Darling, don’t be smug”, in this context, means, “Yes, darling, you’re much better than her, but don’t show off about it, she can’t help the fact that she’s a bit slow.”
From reading the OP’s previous comments, I’m wondering if the other mum said it because she was fed up with her attitude.

Agree completely

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 17/08/2022 07:42

Spanielsarepainless · 17/08/2022 06:52

Blimey. Are you always this sensitive? She was telling her daughter not to be a superior show-off. As a PP used the word, smartarse covers it very succinctly.

From her PA response, I'd go with yes she always is this sensitive and looks to be offended. Exhausting.

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2022 07:43

@stuntbubbles as I said different interpretations and a lot of people agree with you. But where I am from the implication would be "yes your better than her but don't rub it in"

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 17/08/2022 07:45

Has nobody picked up on the fact that a 3 year old has said "I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two"

My dd had fantastic vocabulary at that age, but I'd be pretty smug if she came out with this when she was 3 🤣

stuntbubbles · 17/08/2022 07:46

@autienotnaughty Interesting – where are you from? I’ve never heard “smug” be interpreted that way.

entropynow · 17/08/2022 07:48

Revolvingwhore · 17/08/2022 04:56

This is why I'm glad I have boys- they just twat each other with stuff.

Show quote history

You've never met my sons...
But carry on with the sexist stereotypes, do.

Dahlietta · 17/08/2022 07:49

Presumably the OP doesn’t know what overthinking is either.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/08/2022 07:50

Smug is a really odd word to use to a 3yo isn’t it? I mean I think my kids has pretty good vocab at that age but I don’t think I’d have used “smug” with them then. I think I’d have said “show off”. Tbh the friend and her dd both sound a bit insufferable to me. She wasn’t telling her daughter she was wrong, she was just telling her not to rub OP’s DD’s nose in it.

Let it go though OP. I won’t tell you not to overthink though.

BobMortimersPocketMeat · 17/08/2022 07:54

BitOutOfPractice · 17/08/2022 07:50

Smug is a really odd word to use to a 3yo isn’t it? I mean I think my kids has pretty good vocab at that age but I don’t think I’d have used “smug” with them then. I think I’d have said “show off”. Tbh the friend and her dd both sound a bit insufferable to me. She wasn’t telling her daughter she was wrong, she was just telling her not to rub OP’s DD’s nose in it.

Let it go though OP. I won’t tell you not to overthink though.

I suspect that this is a trait that the parents are trying to train their child out of, so I don’t imagine it’s the first time she has heard it - I wouldn’t imagine that she would have just picked up the word and its meaning from general conversation.

CrabbitBastard · 17/08/2022 07:54

three year olds don't talk like that

Whoactuallythinksthat · 17/08/2022 07:55

ReneBumsWombats · 17/08/2022 07:38

I actually think “Darling, don’t be smug”, in this context, means, “Yes, darling, you’re much better than her, but don’t show off about it, she can’t help the fact that she’s a bit slow.”

It really doesn't.

Oh, ok. Thanks for setting me straight 😂

stuntbubbles · 17/08/2022 07:58

CrabbitBastard · 17/08/2022 07:54

three year olds don't talk like that

The ones I know do – all hyper-competitive and, well, smug

UnboxedThoughts · 17/08/2022 08:00

All three year olds I've met are like that. Tiny, smug bastards.

KarenOLantern · 17/08/2022 08:00

as it's not a term that's used here where I live

Purely out of linguistic curiosity* *(I'm fascinated by regional variations in language) may I ask where it is you're from where smug is not used?

Ponoka7 · 17/08/2022 08:01

Smug means "having or showing an excessive pride in oneself or one's achievements". The use of the word was perfect in this context. I agree that it would have been better to point out that the friend had lots of practice at it, but using smug might be something they do, to quickly reel her in. There may have been previous behaviour and it's their quick stop word.

EVHead · 17/08/2022 08:04

The etymology of smug …

"Darling, don't be smug"
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 17/08/2022 08:05

Does anyone else think ‘smug’ is an unusual word to use to a 3 year old - if you’re expecting them to understand what you mean?

Aside from that I love the word - it sounds like what it is, IYKWIM.

BiasedBinding · 17/08/2022 08:05

i Don’t think smug is quite the right word personally, but I think the mother was just trying to quickly correct and that was the word that sprung to mind. I’m sure if she had consulted MN first she would have come up with a better way of expressing it, but by then the moment would have passed

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 17/08/2022 08:11

DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 17/08/2022 07:45

Has nobody picked up on the fact that a 3 year old has said "I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two"

My dd had fantastic vocabulary at that age, but I'd be pretty smug if she came out with this when she was 3 🤣

Exactly what I was thinking!

EarringsandLipstick · 17/08/2022 08:11

Whoactuallythinksthat · 17/08/2022 07:24

I actually think “Darling, don’t be smug”, in this context, means, “Yes, darling, you’re much better than her, but don’t show off about it, she can’t help the fact that she’s a bit slow.”
From reading the OP’s previous comments, I’m wondering if the other mum said it because she was fed up with her attitude.

I agree.

I don't think, as a one-off comment, it's worth taking offence at but it's a really odd way to chastise her daughter. She should have said something like 'don't be silly, you've done this jigsaw lots of times that's why you're a bit quicker, I'm sure 'OP's DD' would be quicker at another jigsaw' or words to that effect.

I get that that's longer than 'smug' 😂 but smug isn't quite the right word & has an edge to it.

All that being said, I do think OP has been over-thinking it & that it doesn't merit her interpretation at all.

EarringsandLipstick · 17/08/2022 08:14

stuntbubbles · 17/08/2022 07:46

@autienotnaughty Interesting – where are you from? I’ve never heard “smug” be interpreted that way.

I'd interpret it the same way - smug is being excessively self-congratulatory following an achievement.

It's not in doubt if you use the word 'smug' that you think they've done something well, but the criticism is about being overly pleased with themselves.