"Darling, don't be smug"

[comeonangel]

Visiting at a friend's house (not local) our 2 DDs, both age 3 playing - hers is slightly younger than mine.

Her DD and mine are doing a puzzle together and mine can't do it as quickly as hers can.

Her DD says something to my DD along the lines of "I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two".

My friend replied "darling, don't be smug."

Was this a dig that my DD is developmentally behind or something? I ask genuinely as it's not a term that's used here where I live and I've just read another thread about 'smug' meaning superior.

AIBU to now be thinking her telling my DD off for being 'smug' was an implication that my DD was behind?

😂😂

Yorkshire for me - we don't do smug our lass

Oh my word! The etymology of the word smug is so interesting. I just looked it up.

From “smock”, a woman’s garment, it was used as an insult to attractive women and girls.

Thanks OP.

@stuntbubbles ooop north (Yorkshire. We don't do smug in Yorkshire 😂

@autienotnaughty Clearly you’ve not met my MIL

Negging: keeping shit men afloat since 1550.

I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two".

wow that’s amazing for a 3 year old…

Love this - and so true!!

The friend's remark makes me think of Amanda from Motherland. I can imagine her saying something like this, the implication being that she believes her child has something to be smug about!

Darling, you're being over-sensitive.

It's a silly word to use to a toddler, because it will mean nothing to the toddler, but it's basically acknowledging that the toddler is being a bit of a tosser.

There is nowhere in Britain that 'smug' is not used. It's not a word aligned to specific dialect.

Friend sounds a bit daft, but harmless.

I understand ‘smug’ to be quite a loaded word.
It’s not admirable to feel or be smug, it’s the opposite to being gracious in victory. But it does imply a victory, over others, of sorts.

eg. My friend and I both bought the same dress, but mine was half price in the sale. I’m feeling pretty smug about it.

Does no one else think it’s actually weirder that three year olds talk to each other like this?
😳

smug isn't quite the right word & has an edge to it.

I think it’s the perfect word. The kid wasn’t “showing off” as such, she was demonstrating some perceived superiority over this puzzle - and her mother called her out on it, appropriately and at the time.

Her daughter was bieng smug, she corrected her. It's no reflecting on your DD, I think you've misunderstood what it means.

No. My 3yo and her best friend basically spend all day out-smugging each other about their superiority at racing/playing/talking/having feet/existing/eating. The only thing they’re not competitive about is annoying me, but only because they don’t think they are.

That's it, exactly.

you are reading far too much into it, she’s telling off her own child for being a boastful little shit but being polite about it as they have company (you).

Yes but not over the actual 'achievement' - smug means being overly self-satisfied about an achievement or success - ergo there was one.

The mother should really have been challenging the idea that her DD completing a jigsaw ahead of OP's DD was an 'achievement'

But as I said, not quite worth that level of analysis for a one-off comment!

Thing is, the child CAN do it better. Both children know it. And their parents do.

even if the reason for the better perform is just practice and familiarity, she can still do it better.

The problem is the smugness about it. And the way she’s expressing it.

You could read just as much into it whether she used smug, gloat, boast or whatever. But, if you look at it without the parental worry lens, the issue was that the child wasn’t being very nice and her mum was telling her off for that.

Just turned 3, yep that would be impressive. Almost 4, not really.

I think, if you’re 3, being able to do a jigsaw is an achievement.

It’s fine for children to be able to do things more proficiently than others. And fine for them to be less proficient.

All the handwringing you try to avoid this doesn’t help anyone. It’s like getting upset because Finn runs faster than Arlo and Oliver is in a higher reading group. That’s just life.

The issue that the child was pulled up on was the way she spoke to the other child. Because that’s the problem.

I would be embarrassed if I was her, not a nice comment from her DD

You know the North is a massive area, and Yorkshire itself is huge, so you can't possibly claim that nobody uses the word smug there. I can assure you that as someone who grew up there, without wanting to appear smug, I am perfectly aware of its meaning and how to use it.

Thing is, the child CAN do it better. Both children know it. And their parents do.

Exactly. The fact one child did the puzzle better than the the other isn’t in doubt. There was an achievement in that sense. That kid’s attitude about said achievement was unpleasantly boastful and self-congratulatory. Or smug.

The word makes no judgement on the abilities of the other child or whether the achievement itself had any sort of value to it. Fair enough that the op wasn’t very familiar with it and wanted to check, but some other posters on here are reading levels of meaning that the post doesn’t support. Yes, it’s possible that the mum was being smug herself (I can imagine a tone in which this could be delivered that would achieve that), but no evidence to support it at all.

You’re over thinking this.

She was definitely pulling her daughter up and it’s quite a stinging word in this context.

It was in use in my Yorkshire household in the 70’s and 80’s if my brother or I were unpleasantly smug.