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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Darling, don't be smug"

167 replies

comeonangel · 16/08/2022 23:12

Visiting at a friend's house (not local) our 2 DDs, both age 3 playing - hers is slightly younger than mine.

Her DD and mine are doing a puzzle together and mine can't do it as quickly as hers can.

Her DD says something to my DD along the lines of "I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two".

My friend replied "darling, don't be smug."

Was this a dig that my DD is developmentally behind or something? I ask genuinely as it's not a term that's used here where I live and I've just read another thread about 'smug' meaning superior.

AIBU to now be thinking her telling my DD off for being 'smug' was an implication that my DD was behind?

OP posts:
StClare101 · 16/08/2022 23:56

She told her daughter off.

Feeling the need to start a post on it is the very definition of overthinking it!

wlapdj · 17/08/2022 00:18

@shazzybazzy34 ConfusedGrin

Elsiid · 17/08/2022 00:39

Oh you've caught on quick how to be smug Grin

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 17/08/2022 00:43

This escalated quickly.

TiredHippo · 17/08/2022 00:44

Oooooooohhhhhhh, I get it, the OP was going for a different kind of audience and didn't get what it wanted, so decided to be smug to up the ante.......well done OP, well done 😂😂😂

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 17/08/2022 04:55

No she was telling her off and that child had probably done that puzzle five times a day for the past 6mths so easy for her and would be the same for your child if doing the same puzzle also.

Revolvingwhore · 17/08/2022 04:56

comeonangel · 16/08/2022 23:12

Visiting at a friend's house (not local) our 2 DDs, both age 3 playing - hers is slightly younger than mine.

Her DD and mine are doing a puzzle together and mine can't do it as quickly as hers can.

Her DD says something to my DD along the lines of "I can't believe you can't do this I've been doing it since I was two".

My friend replied "darling, don't be smug."

Was this a dig that my DD is developmentally behind or something? I ask genuinely as it's not a term that's used here where I live and I've just read another thread about 'smug' meaning superior.

AIBU to now be thinking her telling my DD off for being 'smug' was an implication that my DD was behind?

This is why I'm glad I have boys- they just twat each other with stuff.

BiasedBinding · 17/08/2022 05:07

Revolvingwhore · 17/08/2022 04:56

This is why I'm glad I have boys- they just twat each other with stuff.

Show quote history

Mine doesn’t Confused

Ottersmith · 17/08/2022 05:13

Where do you live that the word smug isn't known or used??

Marvellousmadness · 17/08/2022 05:37

🤣 stop being so precious op

And stop being passive aggressive

Grow op. Your little princess is fine.

WindyKnickers · 17/08/2022 05:44

I wish my friends would tell their children not to be smug. We've had some right show offs over the years!

AppleBottomRats · 17/08/2022 06:00

Ottersmith · 17/08/2022 05:13

Where do you live that the word smug isn't known or used??

This is my question too!

HoppingPavlova · 17/08/2022 06:06

I don’t think there was any implication your DD was behind. The other child had likely been doing that puzzle frequently and had it down by rote (I know mine did with puzzles they did all the time at that age, was certainly not a sign of brilliance). The other child was rude and the parent corrected them. A non issue.

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2022 06:10

Maybe it's a regional thing ? If someone told their child 'not to be smug' because they completed a jigsaw before mine I would think 'wind your neck in, she's only a bit faster than my dd hardly worth being smug about' I think it's the implication that her daughter has something to brag about. And if my daughter said something like that I would say "it's not a competition your just doing jigsaws, say sorry"

Dita73 · 17/08/2022 06:19

It’s quite the opposite to having a dig at your daughter. She’s basically told her own daughter not to be a smart arse.

Fozzleyplum · 17/08/2022 06:33

I agree with autienotnaughty. If she'd deliberately chosen the word "smug", the child's mother would have been insinuating that her child was wrong to crow about being so clever. She was not addressing the fact that her child had been practicising the jigsaw for ages, and so it was unfair to criticise for that reason.

I certainly wouldn't have taken offence though, at a one off comment to a 3 year old. Chances are that the mother didn't give her comment the level of analysis it's had on this thread!

TriciaMcMillan · 17/08/2022 06:36

I've now read the word smug so many times it's lost all meaning!

Spanielsarepainless · 17/08/2022 06:52

Blimey. Are you always this sensitive? She was telling her daughter not to be a superior show-off. As a PP used the word, smartarse covers it very succinctly.

shreddednips · 17/08/2022 07:01

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2022 06:10

Maybe it's a regional thing ? If someone told their child 'not to be smug' because they completed a jigsaw before mine I would think 'wind your neck in, she's only a bit faster than my dd hardly worth being smug about' I think it's the implication that her daughter has something to brag about. And if my daughter said something like that I would say "it's not a competition your just doing jigsaws, say sorry"

I dunno, you can feel and be smug without it being justified. I have an incredibly smug uncle, but by calling him smug, I'm not accepting or acknowledging that he is in any way superior. I'm saying that HE thinks he's superior.

So I wouldn't take her mother's comment as saying her daughter was right to be smug (because she was such an amazing puzzler 😆) but as saying you appear to be feeling smug, with or without basis for the smugness. Stop it immediately.

I've never said smug so many times. Smug smug smug

LittleGreenCells · 17/08/2022 07:01

comeonangel · 16/08/2022 23:21

Oh, gosh, I'm not worried and haven't overthought. It's only since reading another thread on here about how loaded a term 'smug' is that I thought about it at all.

Flowers for you for feeling that you need to reassure me, though.

Show quote history

So rude. Eine was being nice. Do you always take offence to everything this easily?

stuntbubbles · 17/08/2022 07:11

autienotnaughty · 17/08/2022 06:10

Maybe it's a regional thing ? If someone told their child 'not to be smug' because they completed a jigsaw before mine I would think 'wind your neck in, she's only a bit faster than my dd hardly worth being smug about' I think it's the implication that her daughter has something to brag about. And if my daughter said something like that I would say "it's not a competition your just doing jigsaws, say sorry"

Eh? She told her not to be smug because she showed off about winning, not for the winning itself. No implication at all that there was something to brag about; quite the opposite.

Crazykatie · 17/08/2022 07:16

Parent sounds entirely reasonable and lovely correcting the child, however the child may have done the particular puzzle many times before so was well practiced, whereas yours had not seen it before.
In any case different children develop skills at varying speeds, so don’t draw any conclusions.

LankylegsFromOz · 17/08/2022 07:16

I find the sentence 'Darling don't be smug', smug in itself! OP maybe she meant it to be smug against you?

Rottenapples · 17/08/2022 07:20

Now I feel like being a bit smug.

Smug smug smug smug smug

ReneBumsWombats · 17/08/2022 07:21

She was saying "don't gloat". Of course her kid can do a puzzle she's had for ages faster than a child who's new to it can.

"Smug" isn't quite the same as "gloat" but for this purpose it's close enough. She was telling her daughter not to be rude over the puzzle. She was definitely not commenting on your daughter.