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AIBU?

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Original poster

Colleague with horrendous PND already pregnant again...why?

150 replies

BlueOysterCult · 16/08/2022 20:31

Found out today that my colleague who had HORRENDOUS post natal depression (baby is currently 11 months old) has intentionally got pregnant again. Her PND was so bad that she had to have specialist treatment from various mental health services and relied very very heavily on her parents for support in day to day tasks. Her husband works away for weeks at a time and she's made it really clear she struggles with loneliness and the stress of having to look after her son. I just can't fathom why she'd want to do it all again so soon when she is finding it so tough already.

It is none of my business and I'll be nothing but supportive to her but I just keep thinking what the actual F?! I can't wrap my head around her thought process. Surely give it a year or so until things are calmer and see how you feel about going for number two?

OP posts:
StoneColdMedusa · 16/08/2022 20:32

You’re right, it’s none of your business

AlternativelyWired · 16/08/2022 20:32

It is none of my business

^this

Galaxyrippleforever · 16/08/2022 20:33

this has nothing to do with you

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 16/08/2022 20:34

I agree it's fucking mad how some women seem keen to have more and more babies when the circumstances of their first or subsequent children are often totally dreadful. Pregnancy and making babies is a life purpose for some women 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think lots of women don't even consider not having children as an option

loosebutton · 16/08/2022 20:34

This is so nasty.

Mamette · 16/08/2022 20:34

So many possible reasons, none of which are any of your business.

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 20:34

YANBU to wonder what the fuck she is thinking

I'd guess it's a trauma response, and she is still struggling and wants to try and have a 'better' experience this time around

Have seen it before with friends and family. Doesn't often end well

3luckystars · 16/08/2022 20:34

Luckily it won’t affect you.

I hope she will be ok.

XenoBitch · 16/08/2022 20:34

None of your business.

Crunchymum · 16/08/2022 20:35

You know a lot about your colleague?

I

loosebutton · 16/08/2022 20:36

Might have wanted 2 and thought she'd get it out the way. Who knows. It doesn't affect you so just stop gossiping.

MaChienEstUnDick · 16/08/2022 20:36

My DF who had similarly awful PND wanted more than one child and wanted them close together and didn't see why a temporary, hormone induced mental illness would stop her.

User48751490 · 16/08/2022 20:36

She maybe was fast and loose with contraception? I don't know...

Or wanted company for her first born and wanted to just get all the baby stage out of the way.

AverageJoan · 16/08/2022 20:36

StoneColdMedusa · 16/08/2022 20:32

You’re right, it’s none of your business

⬆️

Purplehonesty2 · 16/08/2022 20:36

I have a friend who did it THREE times! Each time she was worse and worse and hospitalised etc etc
No support from the dad and relied on her mum a lot.

I think she just thought well I want three kids and so this is what it takes. It's not forever and I'll get over it!

Don't think I could do it tho.

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 20:38

Crunchymum · 16/08/2022 20:35

You know a lot about your colleague?

I

Do you not

It's often remarked how colleague relationships are weird, you'd never invite them round for a BBQ but you know the ins and outs of their lives.

My colleagues know more about me than most family members, same goes the other way too

WhoWants2Know · 16/08/2022 20:59

Sometimes the body wants what the body wants. I had terrible PND, and yet felt at my best when pregnant. If my body had gotten it's way, I would have been pregnant as much as possible throughout my 30s.

LMB0716 · 16/08/2022 20:59

Maybe she wants 2 children, but didn’t want to go through months of therapy, make a full recovery and then risk being back to square one, so thought well I’ll just have the 2nd, be done with it, and then have all the therapy and recovery all together.

Stopsnowing · 16/08/2022 21:01

I had pnd with one and not the other

LidFlipper · 16/08/2022 21:04

I have awful pnd (bipolar) but it wouldn’t stop me having more children. I’ve had two, and if I want a third I’ll just have to make sure that my support is in place.

J0y · 16/08/2022 21:09

I would find myself worrying about her. I hope her h changes his work role so he's not away for weeks on end. Who goes away for weeks on end for work?!

SucculentSunshine · 16/08/2022 21:09

Because BPD is temporary (hopefully) and having a baby is a big life goal for many. We all take calculated risks every day, this is no different.

SunnyD44 · 16/08/2022 21:11

YANBU I would assume the PND is causing her to not think properly so she probably has her reasons even though they may not be the best idea.

I’d be very concerned about her MH but there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

SweetSakura · 16/08/2022 21:23

I had awful PND with my second. I didn't have another because 2 felt enough for me but I would point out

  • forewarned is forearmed, hopefully she will be better supported and it can be nipped in the bud.
  • it doesn't make you a bad parent,
  • it's temporary and fixable
SweetSakura · 16/08/2022 21:25

Also I had awful hyperemesis with my first pregnancy. Do you judge me for having a second? Or is it only mental illness that you apply this too?

Because I know plenty of people with gestational diabetes/SPD/ complex births etc who go on to have more children too.

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