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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know DH is BU but HE DOESN'T so he needs to be told.

134 replies

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/08/2022 18:09

Disclaimer: lighthearted. Also the most trivial AIBU in the history of MN.

DH has this complex about entirely commonplace things being 'weird' or 'embarrassing'. Currently we're on holiday so eating out a lot, and this particular issue keeps on coming up.

My view: it is fine to just order a couple of sides from the menu (either eat in or takeaway) if DS doesn't fancy any of the main dishes. Specifically, a side of bacon and a side of toast.

DH's view: no, this is too weird and embarrassing for words. We must order a bacon sandwich, even though that is not a menu option.

Today he insisted on ordering it himself, to avoid the weirdness and humiliation of me requesting a side of bacon and a side of toast. His exact words were: 'Could we have a bacon sandwich please? So just some bacon and some toast with butter.'

It came billed as (wait for it) a side of bacon and a side of toast.

Yes, I know it's trivial. No, this is not the only thing we have to worry about in life. But he needs to be told.

OP posts:
EnjoythemoneyJane · 18/08/2022 09:19

Sounds like he thinks it’s taking the piss to sit yourself down in a restaurant and not order a ‘proper’ meal, ie you’re doing them out of money? Or something?!

Yeah, he’s wrong - especially, I would think in the States, where IME you can order whatever the hell you want, with or without random bits and pieces, no questions asked! We’ve ordered one meal between 2 (or even 3) before because the portion sizes are so ridiculous & there’s never an issue. Just leave a good tip.

TheOrigRights · 18/08/2022 09:35

He sounds like how my teenager behaves when we're out together.
Anything that involves me doing something out side his perceived norm causes him embarrassment and the eye roll.

He's 13 though so it's part of being an adolescent. I wouldn't expect it from an adult.

MyneighbourisTotoro · 18/08/2022 09:44

We have to edit every meal we order for our kids so we always order a mixture of sides of non of the main meals are appropriate. Eating out at restaurants is extremely hard when you have a child with an extremely restricted diet.

mam0918 · 18/08/2022 09:48

My young DS regularly eats 2 sides instead of a kids meal due to not liking most kids meal options, My teen often choose a starter and side of chips instead of a main.

Nothing wierd about it.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/08/2022 09:51

even though that is not a menu option

You sound like pain in the arse customers. Just order something that is ON the menu!

Cherchezlaspice · 18/08/2022 09:56

Houseofbloodymen · 18/08/2022 07:12

I had an ex that refused to take packed lunches on days out.. so I used to make me and the kids one anyway and laugh when he moaned about the price and the queue, then wanted to leave theme parks etc after a couple of hours.

What was his reasoning?

Snaketime · 18/08/2022 09:57

He is being weird. As someone who used to work as a waitress, they will judge him more for ordering something NOT on the menu than for ordering 2 sides for a child.

mam0918 · 18/08/2022 09:57

PenguinBarnotBird · 18/08/2022 08:36

The Waiter may not care but the restaurant owner certainly will. Say there are 50 seats and mains on average charged at £10 that’s £500 per full sitting.

If everyone behaves like your DD and orders a starter instead at £5, you can see the impact for the restaurant’s takings, out of which they need to pay rent, staff costs, suppliers and so on

OP - obviously YANBU ordering sides as listed, but if that’s instead of a main then I think YABU

Show quote history

Your maths is shit... if a main is £10 and PP DD orders two starts at £5 the resteraunt have lost nothing.

As someone who does this it often works out MORE.

For instance yesterday we went to a chain pub where the average main was £7 but teen had a starter at £5.99 and a side of chips at £2.99 = £8.98. A kids meal was £3.99 but my younger DS had a side of Mac & Cheese at £3.99 + a side of garlic bread at £2.99. Please show me where the pub 'lost out' on money?

Shannith · 18/08/2022 10:00

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

BLT - brilliant

SillySausage81 · 18/08/2022 10:05

WalkingOnTheCracks · 18/08/2022 08:46

bacon and buttered toast isn’t a bacon sandwich though… it’s bacon and toast.

Well, quite. I'm staggered - I mean, staggered - at the apparent lack of outrage at the implication that the bread component of a bacon sandwich might be toasted.

I'm not saying that there aren't deviants who like bacon between two slices of toast. I guess that, with support, I can come to terms with that. But what you got there is not a bacon sandwich - it's bacon between two slices of toast.

This is more that just a culinary disaster. The casual acceptance of this kind of corruption of the English language is irreparably damaging to civilisation. It's a sign of The End Times. In fact, I'm pretty sure Nostradamus touched on this. Something along the lines of, "When bacon between toast is referred to as a bacon sandwich, the last days will be upon us. No point renewing your travelcard. Don't start any long books."

I'm to go and have a little lie-down. This is really, upsetting.

No, I'm not okay, hun.

This reminds me of an argument I witnessed between my aunt and her teen DD once... DD was hungry and her mum offered her a bacon sandwich. DD said "no thanks", aunt kept pushing it until DD said "I don't like the way you make bacon sandwiches." Aunt was really offended and got in a huff... I was all ready to assume the DD was being a spoilt brat when she said "I just don't understand why you insist on making bacon sandwiches with toast instead of bread!!" I was aghast. I said "I'm sorry aunty, but I've got to agree with your DD there... that is an abomination." The thought has disturbed me ever since. Just why? You think you know someone and then...

10HailMarys · 18/08/2022 10:11

Yeah, there is absolutely nothing weird about ordering two sides instead of a main dish. I can 100% guarantee you that the restaurant does not give a flying fuck and will not even really notice.

Especially as you're in America - they're incredibly flexible about that sort of thing. Ordering some bacon and some toast is a lot more normal there than ordering a bacon sandwich. An ordinary, plain bacon sandwich isn't a really A Thing in America, as you say.

I would also add that even in the UK, it's incredibly common and not at all a problem to order sides in that way. I've worked in pubs and so on, and often there will be someone in a group who isn't that hungry or has particular dietary needs or preferences, or a child who can't manage an adult-size portion, or maybe just a group of people who want to share a few bits and pieces to nibble on with their drinks instead of a full meal. It's absolutely fine. I've also served a pudding to a child as a main before - again, totally fine and nobody cares.

NewtoHolland · 18/08/2022 10:21

OP I think you might be married to my OH, he lives his life in one long cringe, we met when we were teenagers so everyone was cringing then and felt super visible and embarrassed all the time...I grew out of it, he didn't.
Does yours think you are being too loud a lot or in the way if others a lot? Mine does and it does my head in. Even if I'm dancing in the house he's cringing when no one's there 🤦‍♀️😂

TheWayoftheLeaf · 18/08/2022 10:32

junebirthdaygirl · 16/08/2022 19:20

I absolutely hate people messing about with the menu asking for a bit of this or a bit of that. Just order a proper dish off the menu. I eat out with a friend and every time she has to make a fuss about this with that etc. Just order!!! No talking!!

They're sides... on the menu. The restaurant wants you to order them. It makes them more money.

Bec21 · 18/08/2022 10:37

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/08/2022 18:09

Disclaimer: lighthearted. Also the most trivial AIBU in the history of MN.

DH has this complex about entirely commonplace things being 'weird' or 'embarrassing'. Currently we're on holiday so eating out a lot, and this particular issue keeps on coming up.

My view: it is fine to just order a couple of sides from the menu (either eat in or takeaway) if DS doesn't fancy any of the main dishes. Specifically, a side of bacon and a side of toast.

DH's view: no, this is too weird and embarrassing for words. We must order a bacon sandwich, even though that is not a menu option.

Today he insisted on ordering it himself, to avoid the weirdness and humiliation of me requesting a side of bacon and a side of toast. His exact words were: 'Could we have a bacon sandwich please? So just some bacon and some toast with butter.'

It came billed as (wait for it) a side of bacon and a side of toast.

Yes, I know it's trivial. No, this is not the only thing we have to worry about in life. But he needs to be told.

When I was little & went to USA & wanted a bacon sandwich (no, they never did it 35yrs ago!), mom & dad would order their breakfast & I would have 'sides'. No embarrasment. In fact I think it is perfectly normal to do this in America

AryaStarkWolf · 18/08/2022 10:42

😂 yes he's weird

FreudayNight · 18/08/2022 10:48

How can you live like that? Actually seriously, how can you want to live under the cosh of “not being an embarrassment” when anything and everything can be used to make you comply.

Are all aspects of your life pored over for the Sun of. “Being embarrassing”? I know you meant it humorously, but it actually sounds brutal.

Orangello · 18/08/2022 10:52

Is he very insecure and self-conscious in other areas as well? Sounds exactly like something my ex would worry about, but it wasn't just menus, but he spent half is life panicking about what people might think and how to act so it isn't embarrassing.

JudgeJ · 18/08/2022 11:02

My late OH would regularly order from the starter menu if I was having pudding, he far preferred savoury to sweet things and once the eyebrows of the waiter had subsided it wasn't a problem!

WeAllHaveWings · 18/08/2022 11:09

Do you have toast for a bacon sandwich? Or do you ask for a side of toast untoasted?

If they have the components I would find it more logical and convenient to all to just ask if they could do a bacon sandwich and it saves them bringing out on two plates for two sides.

Mammyloveswine · 18/08/2022 11:26

My husband is like this! Drives me mental!

SunshineLoving · 18/08/2022 11:30

My dad can be like this sometimes. Gets hung up on things and thinks they're going to embarrass us.

What you did is perfectly fine. I'm sure if you and your DH had just ordered the breakfasts you wanted and then ordered the two sides, the waiter would have known exactly why. You have a child who doesn't eat much.

Gwenhwyfar · 18/08/2022 11:44

"Having worked in restuarants there is often a whole heap of stuff you could have but which is not on the official menu and there is usuallly no issue with the kitchen cooking it."

Yes, any restaurant should be able to do something like a cheese sandwich even if not listed on the menu.

Somethingsnappy · 18/08/2022 11:51

I want to know what other commonplace things he finds embarrassing!

I want a bacon sandwich now...

Livpool · 18/08/2022 13:58

junebirthdaygirl · 16/08/2022 19:20

I absolutely hate people messing about with the menu asking for a bit of this or a bit of that. Just order a proper dish off the menu. I eat out with a friend and every time she has to make a fuss about this with that etc. Just order!!! No talking!!

I sometimes order 2 sides instead of a main - didn't realise I was being a pain when they are on the menu

I do order by talking though 🤷🏼‍♀️

JuneOsborne · 18/08/2022 14:08

itsjustnotok · 18/08/2022 08:16

I don’t get the issue and I certainly don’t get why he needs to be ‘told’. He’s an adult and it comes across a little like being treated as a child. Let the poor bloke order what he wants. If it’s on the menu who cares?

I love this reply.

A. It's light-hearted and B. It's not for him, it's for the kid.

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