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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know DH is BU but HE DOESN'T so he needs to be told.

134 replies

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/08/2022 18:09

Disclaimer: lighthearted. Also the most trivial AIBU in the history of MN.

DH has this complex about entirely commonplace things being 'weird' or 'embarrassing'. Currently we're on holiday so eating out a lot, and this particular issue keeps on coming up.

My view: it is fine to just order a couple of sides from the menu (either eat in or takeaway) if DS doesn't fancy any of the main dishes. Specifically, a side of bacon and a side of toast.

DH's view: no, this is too weird and embarrassing for words. We must order a bacon sandwich, even though that is not a menu option.

Today he insisted on ordering it himself, to avoid the weirdness and humiliation of me requesting a side of bacon and a side of toast. His exact words were: 'Could we have a bacon sandwich please? So just some bacon and some toast with butter.'

It came billed as (wait for it) a side of bacon and a side of toast.

Yes, I know it's trivial. No, this is not the only thing we have to worry about in life. But he needs to be told.

OP posts:
KvotheTheBloodless · 18/08/2022 08:05

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 16/08/2022 20:43

Ah, we're in California and the bacon sarnie doesn't appear to be a thing out here. In general, 'sandwich' means a foot-high stack of ingredients between two slices of bread, served with fries, two sides, a whole pickle, soup or a salad, maple syrup and a couple of eggs (only slightly exaggerating).

Show quote history

I thought Californians were supposed to be all healthy, avocado-eating detoxers??

KatherineJaneway · 18/08/2022 08:05

He cares far too much what random waiters think of him

girlmom21 · 18/08/2022 08:05

You're a right bunch of weirdos. Bacon sandwiches come on bread not toast!

KvotheTheBloodless · 18/08/2022 08:07

Oh, and to answer the actual AIBU - YANBU. Your DH is making a mountain out of a molehill. In the US they bend over backwards to accommodate customers' preferences, far more so than us grumpy Brits (and we'd be fine with ordering 2 sides, a non-event).

onelittlefrog · 18/08/2022 08:14

To be honest I think you're both being a bit weird about it! 😂

It's fine to ask for a bacon sandwich, and it's fine to ask for a side of bacon and a side of toast. The restaurant will tell you if they can't do it.

It really doesn't matter as long as your son gets fed 😅

itsjustnotok · 18/08/2022 08:16

I don’t get the issue and I certainly don’t get why he needs to be ‘told’. He’s an adult and it comes across a little like being treated as a child. Let the poor bloke order what he wants. If it’s on the menu who cares?

Quia · 18/08/2022 08:20

My DH comes up every so often with this irrational fear that some complete stranger might disapprove of what we're doing. Given that this is someone we're almost certainly never going to meet again, I tend to ask him why it matters even if they do, and he can never explain.

I think it reached its heights when we were in a holiday cottage which was next door to the owner's house. It was set up for children with cots and high chairs on offer and children's toys in the garden, but DH was completely paranoid about our children making a noise whilst playing on said toys - and they weren't shouters or screamers. I had to get quite tough with him about the fact that people taking money in a holiday destination for offering facilities for children were not going to be horrified by children enjoying those facilities, otherwise the poor DC would have had a very dull time.

Dixiechickonhols · 18/08/2022 08:20

Just read update in usa. It’s even weirder there as bacon butty isn’t a thing so he’s having to explain. Seriously order what you like. We have been in usa 30 plus times and heard all sorts over years from Americans. A 2 mains 2 sides order is absolutely fine. How old is DS? Can he say order himself.

sashh · 18/08/2022 08:21

If you are in a cafe that is doing a cooked breakfast asking for some of it is fine. It's a bit different if you go to a vegetarian restaurant and order steak.

KarenOLantern · 18/08/2022 08:23

This reminds me of my ex. He had all sorts of weird hangups. For example, he would almost die from embarrassment if I went shopping in Sainsbury's and brought a Tesco's bag-for-life from home. He was convinced the cashier would find it insulting as the bag was from "the competition".😂He probably would have got embarrassed about ordering sides that are actually on the menu too, idk though, I never tried it.

playdead · 18/08/2022 08:23

YANBU. You are definitely not being unreasonable.

Your DH has never worked as a waiter has he? Believe me, 2 sides is not the weirdest thing they've been asked for that morning.

Dixiechickonhols · 18/08/2022 08:24

Also not sure how old son is but kids menu is usually a sensible portion at breakfast or sharing a meal ask for extra plate. As long as you tip ok no one cares. My DD was desperate for a ham sandwich at end of 2 week usa holiday one year - they did it as a kids turkey no turkey add ham.

Dixiechickonhols · 18/08/2022 08:27

With a bit of a probe it will come back to his parents and not making a fuss. I vividly recall a holiday when I was about 12 in a holiday park with a dining room (like hi di hi). Waitress would ask who wanted tea and coffee and my mum would jump in 2 2 please. We were all like well I wanted coffee. It was just easier apparently?! We can manage is one of her phrases too (when there’s no need to manage)

Fraaahnces · 18/08/2022 08:30

You’re not wrong! I often do this as I have coeliac disease, and DS has anaphylaxis. (Combined, we’re a nightmare.)

EVHead · 18/08/2022 08:30

The USA is the one country where I don’t feel awkward asking for dishes to be amended!

Dixiechickonhols · 18/08/2022 08:31

Would it help him mentally to order his with a side of toast and yours with a side of bacon and say DS will share.

PenguinBarnotBird · 18/08/2022 08:36

ShandaLear · 18/08/2022 07:45

My DD is vegetarian and will quite often order two starters or a starter and a side for dinner if she doesn’t like the look of the main veggie options. Waiting staff really don’t care what you order as long as you order something. It doesn’t even have to be on the menu if they can make it reasonably easily.

The Waiter may not care but the restaurant owner certainly will. Say there are 50 seats and mains on average charged at £10 that’s £500 per full sitting.

If everyone behaves like your DD and orders a starter instead at £5, you can see the impact for the restaurant’s takings, out of which they need to pay rent, staff costs, suppliers and so on

OP - obviously YANBU ordering sides as listed, but if that’s instead of a main then I think YABU

StaplesCorner · 18/08/2022 08:42

See I wouldn’t find this funny - is he neuro diverse? Otherwise it’s a dickish thing to do. And probably just the tip of the iceberg OP? 🤔

WalkingOnTheCracks · 18/08/2022 08:46

bacon and buttered toast isn’t a bacon sandwich though… it’s bacon and toast.

Well, quite. I'm staggered - I mean, staggered - at the apparent lack of outrage at the implication that the bread component of a bacon sandwich might be toasted.

I'm not saying that there aren't deviants who like bacon between two slices of toast. I guess that, with support, I can come to terms with that. But what you got there is not a bacon sandwich - it's bacon between two slices of toast.

This is more that just a culinary disaster. The casual acceptance of this kind of corruption of the English language is irreparably damaging to civilisation. It's a sign of The End Times. In fact, I'm pretty sure Nostradamus touched on this. Something along the lines of, "When bacon between toast is referred to as a bacon sandwich, the last days will be upon us. No point renewing your travelcard. Don't start any long books."

I'm to go and have a little lie-down. This is really, upsetting.

No, I'm not okay, hun.

TimeForTeaAndG · 18/08/2022 08:48

PenguinBarnotBird · 18/08/2022 08:36

The Waiter may not care but the restaurant owner certainly will. Say there are 50 seats and mains on average charged at £10 that’s £500 per full sitting.

If everyone behaves like your DD and orders a starter instead at £5, you can see the impact for the restaurant’s takings, out of which they need to pay rent, staff costs, suppliers and so on

OP - obviously YANBU ordering sides as listed, but if that’s instead of a main then I think YABU

Show quote history

I'd hope if they're running a restaurant they've also budgeted for days where they're not full, days where some people come in and just have coffee and a slice of cake...

You don't work out your budgets based on everyone buying the most expensive item and being full all day every day.

billy1966 · 18/08/2022 08:50

I wouldn't find any humour being married to someone who behaves like a 10 year old and is controlling of his family too.

Very weird and icky.

WantedToBeGeorgie · 18/08/2022 08:50

This reminds me of my ex. He had all sorts of weird hangups. For example, he would almost die from embarrassment if I went shopping in Sainsbury's and brought a Tesco's bag-for-life from home. He was convinced the cashier would find it insulting as the bag was from "the competition".😂He probably would have got embarrassed about ordering sides that are actually on the menu too, idk though, I never tried it.

This made me laugh. My husband got charged a couple of times for when he used re-usable bags from the SAME shop (Cashier assumed they were not his own), and now he never goes anywhere without having another stores bags! If he goes to Aldi, it's a morrisons bag, if he goes to morrisons its a sainsburys bag.... This is something that is actually considered before going!

OP, YANBU, I have a limited diet so have to make a meal of sides occasionally (I feel bad because it looks like I'm doing it to scrimp but there is so much I can't eat straight off the menu). A side of bacon and a side of toast is absolutely fine. (I understand your husband too though, I think we all have things that we are a bit weird on). I hope you have a lovely trip (and your son likes the bacon!)

Waspo · 18/08/2022 09:08

Yeh, he is being weird. My 15 year old has a lot of food issues and we try not to make a big deal about it but he will usually only want something from the "sides" menu when we eat out. His usual pub type meal is garlic bread and chips. At home we are trying to help him address his disorder but eating out is never the time for that.

I've never even considered it might be weird how he orders, no one has ever batted an eye! My son will happily ask for whatever he wants.

Also your husband would probably hate me as I have on many occasions ordered two starters or a sharing platter as a main meal 😁

He is the unreasonable one, obvs!

Anewdayanewdawn · 18/08/2022 09:18

That’s so odd!!! What if you just went and had drinks?
i have DW who believes there is a right was and a wrong way to do everything, so I feel your pain! We are from two different cultures so the way we do stuff is often VERY different, but while I shrugged off her ‘odd’ way of doing stuff as cultural she tries correct me or the kids.
it’s knackering!

Thurst · 18/08/2022 09:18

I’ve always ordered off menu and it annoys my other half no end. I might ask for a dish ‘without bacon’ or ‘with bread not toast’ It’s rarely a problem but it makes him cringe. Ordering 2 sides is completely acceptable, especially as you are ordering main meals too and it’s for a child.