To expect DD15 to feed herself?

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

Went on a lunch date today. DCs are all older teens. DD (15) is outraged that I didn’t sort out something for her to eat when I got home at 2.30pm

I told her there is bread for toast, wraps, crumpets, leftover chicken in the fridge, noodles/pasta etc and that she can make herself something. She thinks it is selfish of me to feed myself and not her.

WIBU?

YABU she needs lunch and you are mean not to provide her with this before you left or after you came home

YANBU she is 15 with no additional needs, perfectly capable of fending for herself and needs to grow the F up.

I thank you.

At 15 she should be cooking a meal for the family once a week!

I mean privilege in the same way that clean water from a tap is a privilege, NHS healthcare is a privilege, etc - having access to the necessities for life, particularly considering a lot of people don’t, is something to never stop being grateful for.

Thanks for the balanced view @SleepingStandingUp

Think she was a bit tired from all the hot nights lately and as you say possibly a bit unsettled at the thought of me being distracted by a MAN!! She’s been very sweet this evening and apologised for being unreasonable, she’s a lovely girl and I feel a bit bad for posting now but I was incredulous at the time that she couldn’t see how unreasonable she was being. She’s since seen the light

Mine does! People think it’s hilarious that she still calls me mummy and mama but also wears clothes like an Edwardian lady she’s quite the contradiction. Feel free to advance search (on my OP name rather than this one) where I’m sure she’s been mentioned before many times!

DD's Christmas stocking filler

Sorted!

adds to basket

Congratulations on raising a total brat.

I only make lunch for my two autistic sons, the others get their own lunch, their own breakfast, and then I make dinner. Also, because it is the summer hols, they are preparing dinner some days. And cleaning up. My Nat children are 12 and 15

Maybe I just find the pile on about how op has raised an awful child who should feel privileged she's not denied food, who apparently turned very nasty, who's an entitled brat etc. when op has clearly said there's more to it, she's apologised etc a bit much. Or do you think posters should only post if they're joining in the pile on about a child's one bad day.

I'm glad I didn't know you all when we were 15, I'm not sure the perfect teenager who never had a cross word with their parent, never felt emotional and insecure and let it out, never once acted like a brat despite being a decent kid, is someone I would have wanted to try and live up to. It must have been tiring being perfect.

Tell the precious princess my foster son who has quite severe learning disabilities can make himself a sandwich, grab an apple out the fruit bowl and even find himself a yoghurt from the fridge. Your dd should be ashamed of herself. You have obviously run around after her too much so now she feels entitled. Helping a child become independent is giving them a previous gift. Don't deprive your dd of this gift.

According to this thread its odd and you're martyring yourself on the alter of womanhood. Despite the fact DH does the same. Even my twins who are two know that if one of them gets a snack, they get their brother one. It's the code.

Because no teen has ever
1.reverted to a childhood naming of parent when they're feeling vulnerable and low
2.reverted to a childhood naming of parent when they've been a bit much and are creeping for forgiveness by being cute.

Maybe you need to hang out with nicer teenagers

Or just calls her mum mama!

😂😂😂
Worrying about climate change does keep me from making lunch for myself

It’s a full time job!

Managed to get my username back up. Thanks for all the replies, both in support of my POV and those thoughtful posters who have seen DD’s side and helped me to be a little more understanding of the other things going on for her at the moment.

For those saying she’s a brat, she 100% isn’t. She had a bratty moment - but is generally a super helpful and sweet girl, who enjoys helping. This summer she has helped me tidy my bedroom, has done countless dishwashers and laundry loads, cleaned the kitchen several times, and the bathroom at least once, and made me many cups of tea.

I guess BECAUSE. she’s generally so capable and helpful I found it odd that she was so outraged at having to make her own lunch, but as she apologised and accepted that she WBU I hope the “brat brigade” can now see that she’s not some entitled little madam, but a tired, hot and bothered teen who was having a moment

And yes, I’d always make a cup of tea or coffee for others if I’m making one for myself and would usually offer eg toast or dessert if I’m getting myself something. Not every time, and not if they’re upstairs, but if they were in the same room I’d always say “I’m making tea, do you want anything?” Thought that was just normal manners!

Please remind her of this when she's much much older

and the friend thing is awkward as she fell out with her friends at the start of the Holidays, so has spent it all alone

a 15 year old girl has fallen out with all her friends and has spent the holidays alone. The school term is shortly to begin again.

OP - whilst i think she sounds much more rude and entitled than I would expect my teens to behave, I’d be bloody worried about this. 15 year old girls generally don’t tend to fall out with all their friends unless they have actually behaved pretty shitty to them.

Bhahaha she is rediculous
And you are too,for enabling this behaviour for wayyyy to many years....

My 8 yo makes her own lunch. Sandwich, crackers etc … (Obvs not anything that requires cooking!).

YANBU!!!!!!

Yanbu! She is lazy and entitled.

What's she like with doing chores in general?

Er, no. Read the quote history. You've made up your own scenario to get angry about and then decided to lay into me telling me how rude and entitled I am for something I never said! I'd say that makes you the rude one.

If you actually read the convo I was replying to, we were talking about family members making their own lunch and sitting and eating it in front of you without having offered to make you anything. I know that's just how some families roll, but personally if me and DH are both at home neither of us would dream of making ourselves lunch without asking the other if they wanted some too.

100% agree.

It's not about the food OP, it's about the fact you are currently your DD's only friend, and from her point of view her only friend ditched her to go off living it large with someone else, and her other possible friend (her brother) ignored her existence by making himself food and not offering to chuck another slice of toast in the toaster for her (which I think we've established in this thread that some people would find that perfectly normal and acceptable whereas other people would find it quite uncaring and wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone in their own family.

You sound like a lovely family OP and your DD sounds lovely too. I hope she hasn't been too traumatised by this thread!

@KarenOLantern that is exactly what I was going to say. it's not really about the toast. I can't think this hot weather has helped moods either and we all get days like this

I am glad all is good now and dd sounds like a sweet girl that helps plenty already.