To expect DD15 to feed herself?

[SteveHarringtonsChestHair]

Went on a lunch date today. DCs are all older teens. DD (15) is outraged that I didn’t sort out something for her to eat when I got home at 2.30pm

I told her there is bread for toast, wraps, crumpets, leftover chicken in the fridge, noodles/pasta etc and that she can make herself something. She thinks it is selfish of me to feed myself and not her.

WIBU?

YABU she needs lunch and you are mean not to provide her with this before you left or after you came home

YANBU she is 15 with no additional needs, perfectly capable of fending for herself and needs to grow the F up.

I thank you.

She's 15?

What age would you suggest is appropriate? 45? 60?
Get real.

This is so true and actually one of the reasons I split with my ex because I was always doing nice things for him but then one night when he knew I’d had an awful day he didn’t even make me a cup of tea. Which led to an almighty row.

‘Acts of service’ is my primary love language and clearly DD’s too!

and probably could have put something together herself.

no “probably” about it!

And 15 year old can have shitty days when they want to be shown love, just love adults

My ds14 will happily make his own meals if am out or even if am home and he's hungry, I encourage it don't want him to think I will just always do it when he is perfectly capable.

But look at the upshot OP? It’s led to a 15 year old girl having a really nasty hissy fit about not having her lunch sorted for her.

It is actually doing her a great disservice parenting her in such a way that she thinks this is acceptable behaviour to be so disrespectful and entitled

Why would you ever stop??

The PP said she'd be devastated if her kid needed it demonstrating that they were loved, because they'd done it for 15 years. As if that's if, I showed you already, never ask for reassurance or comfort again. This is ops kid, surely you never stop demonstrating your love to them. Even if it's not with a sandwich but with a chat about the sandwich

Did she know you were going to be out for lunch? Before going out I would tell my dd16 she needed to make her own lunch and make suggestions as to options that exist in the fridge. She would almost certainly ignore these and eat crisps and chocolate or cereal.

I am CAPABLE of making myself a sandwich you know. I just don’t think it’s fair that I should have to

I had to read this a few times to actually grasp that a 15 year old was saying this to her mother.

No words

Me and DH have different dietry requirements and cook our own food 90% of the time, its really not that strange.

What has PP said to suggest her daughter was nasty? Given she knew Mom was MNing it, it all sounds quite lighthearted and play sulky rather than calling her Mom names or screaming in her face etc

@Nanny0gg I might do! I dunno - it isn't something I wring my hands over or give a lot of head space to

What a whole load of frothing over nothing very much. Typical Mumsnet this thread

OK fair enough if you're cooking totally different things or eating at different times. DH and I don't. Or he might make himself soup and me beans on toast but that's as varied as it gets

When my eldest DD did her D of E expedition and was eating a pot noodle for her meal, I sent her a picture of the steak and chips we were eating at home. 😁

Yes absolutely no shouting or screaming - more tearful whining!!

Ha ha you’re evil!!

I have lazy buggers too op. I've told them it's more than high time they learn to make themselves food and stop expecting hotel treatment.

Is she annoyed because you hadn't told her she would need to do her own lunch?! My 12 year old makes himself lunch if I'm out (he doesn't always want to come nowadays or will go out with friends etc) YANBU

Tearful whining 🤦‍♀️ What's amusing about that?

My severely autistic daughter who has a learning disability as well could make a sandwich at age 12/13 if left in the kitchen.

My 7 and 10 year olds made themselves a sandwich and grabbed some fruit at lunchtime. Your dd is seeing this in a completely skewed way.

I have an almost 15 year old who does have additional needs. I never make his lunch. Even though I’m making my own.

Acts of service’ is my primary love language and clearly DD’s too!

We all show love in different ways. I think that you've nailed this one.
Teens are funny people. Quite capable of most things but also a bit needy at times.

In case this is helpful - my 11 year old with special needs makes his own lunch perfectly well!

Gosh that’s so entitled and selfish. Sorry but she seriously needs to grow up. I was making myself breakfasts lunches and dinners from the age of 13 (not all of them but a fair whack!). When was the last time she made lunch for you?!

Further, food is not a pastime, it is a privilege and she should be grateful she has anything to eat in the cupboard at all, “boring” or not.