To wonder why so many women put up with this shit

[Stylishkidintheriot]

www.theguardian.com/money/2022/aug/15/how-to-achieve-an-equal-split-of-household-chores-kate-mangino#comment-158160830

I don’t get it: I really don’t. Not in this day and age.

if a man isn’t pulling his weight, why the fuck would you stay in a relationship or have children with him?

If women are all quite happy to blame other women for the bad behaviour of men, are we also blaming mothers for raising these failing men ? Or are we just laying it at the door of the women who end up with the end product ?

May I just also say , it is a slippery slope of expecting women to take responsibility for mens awful behaviour and I'm shocked that this is actually still a thought process.

@Thinkbiglittleone

Yeah I think parenting plays a part. From both parents.

There's a study that showed children from households with a working mother were more likely to have equal relationships

I dont think that saying women shouldn't tolerate poor behaviour is the same as blaming them for men's behaviour making them responsible for it.

No one is responsible for anyone's behaviour but their own (excepting children)

Not tolerating behaviour is not taking responsibility.

There's a study that showed children from households with a working mother were more likely to have equal relationships

Can you link the study?
I always take most stodgiest with a pinch of salt as you can generally get studies for prove anything, so just wondered where this one came from.

Summary with link to study: www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/24/having-a-working-mother-works-for-daughters

Think you had a name change fail there topgub

I say this all the time. I have no idea how or why some women put up with it.

drives me insane

@Thinkbiglittleone

I had a what?

No, I don't have a link to the study and I'm not going looking for it because you won't accept what it says.

Why waste my time?

No not the same person, I just know what study we were talking about

There's a study that showed children from households with a working mother were more likely to have equal relationships

My Mum worked a lot, right from me being small. She did all the wife work too, my Dad worked 7 days a week. I didn't want to bring my child up the same way, to come home to an empty house and get passed round the relatives when I was ill. But at the same time I didn't expect to be doing all the housework either. DH's Mum had a career, his Dad pulled his weight, but they had "staff" so DH didn't grow up doing chores.

I had a what?

Oh come on, everyone knows what a name change fail,is if they are on here 😂😂

I'm not going looking for it because you won't accept what it says

You are absolutely right, now, I won't accept you say.

@Thinkbiglittleone

I know what it is, I didnt (until I saw the other post) know why you were saying I'd had 1.

I havent changed names and I didnt post the other post.

Really weird that was your conclusion rather than its a well known study that someone else would have a link for.

It’s not “lucky” to marry a decent man. It’s a bloody choice in most cases who you marry. We don’t get allocated husbands in a lottery. We get to choose who we marry.

(clearly forced marriages excluded)

Because a handsome, charismatic, charming man can be an utter slob with housework but still get a woman to stay with him.

A truth not many want to admit.

I think most women do grow out of it though. After many years.

@DeeCeeCherry fair enough

@Classicblunder but not all careers allow for a 4 day week so its not always that simple
For years I did a 4 day week whilst my dh did a 5/6 day week so I picked up more of the housework/ kids but I would still say it was very equal as he did still do his bit. Weekends if he wasn't working we both did equal amounts , but i worked 30 hrs he worked 40-45 so therfore I prob did pick up 10 hrs of extra bits at home / picking up kids

I also have friends who won't allow their dh: partner to do certain things as they like it done only their way
Surely if people are happy with how it works for them then thats all that matters
I don't want to cut the grass and carry out the bins so dh does that, he doesn't like admin stuff like searching car insurance , so I do that
Week on week we maybe don't have a 50/50 split on all things , over the month we do
But when I was a sahm i picked up more as I had more time , I was a sahm through choice, my dh would of prob preferred I worked if he had to be honest but supported my decision as he knew it was something I wanted

See imho that's fair. It wouldn't be an issue if he didn't pick up anything or if you worked same hoyrs yet still you would be expected to do more at home

I have stayed single since split with ex and have no intention of ever living with a man again as love doing as I please and son and I have our own little routine. Not going to be picking up after a man or him expecting a dinner at a certain time. It was how we as women were conditioned growing up as many of our mums did everything for the men in the house and the mum and the daughters had to do all for the men. Shocking it is. Many women start at the beginning in doing everything and then they have created the problem as end up doing everything which is a lot harder once they have children. But there are lots of good men who help out as my sister's husband does all the food shopping and helps her out soo much and they also do so much together a real couple.

@BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants totally see you’re viewpoint here. I adore DH and he’s a wonderful husband. But if anything were to happen and I ended up single again, i cannot imagine living with another partner: too many men seem to expect their partners to do everything for them

You are so lucky to have a lovely caring partner and wishing you many many more years of love and happiness xx

@BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants thank you, and wishing you and your wee boy all the happiness x

Coming back to this. I was with dh for 10 years before having DC and no it wasn't noticeable that he was a bit lazy, as the housework was so much less. He used to stick a load of washing on once a week and that was fine. Now we have a load of washing once a day. The house used to be hoovered once a fortnight, now it needs going over at least once a week, and downstairs once a day.

He will always do housework if asked, he will do anything if I ask. But he won't see if or be bothered about it himself so I often pick up the slack because I feel like a nag. He won't care if visitors come round and the house is awful, I do. I think that all of that is societal rather than our relationship.