Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To not really like it when men post on here?

573 replies

Username91 · 15/08/2022 21:17

Just that really. After reading not one but two bullshit threads started by men in the last few days I’m just a bit sick of them posting on here. I love mumsnet. I’ve read interesting threads, hilarious ones, heartbreaking and sometimes infuriating ones and I just feel like saying ‘oh piss off’ every time a bloke sticks their neb in. It’s MUMSnet ffs. I know I am being unreasonable really and am a massive hypocrite as I’m not (yet) a mum myself haha and don’t actually contribute anything of value to this site myself but still….they get on my tits.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 15/08/2022 23:21

Jalepenojello · 15/08/2022 23:11

You can tell yourself that but it was called mumsnet. Not parents net. Mumsnet are vocal on being welcoming to all now, to not rock the boat but it wasn’t accidentally called mumsnet, let’s be honest. I’ve been here over a decade and it was very much a womens only place apart from the odd troll or lonely male.

I don't need to "tell myself" that. It's the truth. 😂

it's not called "parents net" because that is a shit name. Have you never read the interviews about when it was set up?

I’ve been here over a decade

good for you. I joined when DS2 was 1. He's 21 now. It was never a woman only space, there were men here from the very early years and they weren't trolls or "lonely males" they were parents.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/08/2022 23:22

You can tell yourself that but it was called mumsnet. Not parents net. Mumsnet are vocal on being welcoming to all now, to not rock the boat but it wasn’t accidentally called mumsnet, let’s be honest. I’ve been here over a decade and it was very much a womens only place apart from the odd troll or lonely male.

I've been here over a decade and these complaints have always come up and MNHQ always say it's intended for both sexes. The strapline has been there since the start.

There is women only SM but this isn't it.

RandomMan2 · 15/08/2022 23:23

I think I know those posts you mean, I remember reading them and did find them a bit disrespectful. But the post that introduced me to mumsnet in the first place was one that really resonated with me at the time. A man had posted for help because he'd just been hit by his partner and was understandably distraught. This also happened to me - I was hit several times by my partner on a couple of occasions and was constantly belittled and would often reach out to the internet in desperation I suppose as I had nobody to talk to about it. That mumsnet post in particular really helped me. It's a mostly female space yes, but not entirely, and a lot of the advice is really sound whoever you are. And there isn't really a male equivalent - I don't know why.

Calabria1985 · 15/08/2022 23:24

Im a man but woman bloody rule..ok

lovelychops · 15/08/2022 23:25

DillDanding · 15/08/2022 23:19

We can’t stop who posts, but I do find it odd when men do. Maybe because the idea of my husband posting on MN is so ludicrous.🤷‍♀️

This !!
I do find it a little weird that men would have found their way here and decided to stick around... it doesn't bother me but if a dad / friend whoever told me they posted on mumsnet regularly I would be shocked. It just feels like a female space (issues covered/ references used / humour). There are so few female friendly spaces around I suppose I take it for granted and its quite a surprise to see a man posting.
Obviously I know this is very generalising etc can't always believe posters are who they say they are etc etc. It's just my assumption and they way I use the space for me personally

vroom321 · 15/08/2022 23:26

YANBU

Nietzschethehiker · 15/08/2022 23:28

I think you do see a lot of ridiculous male posts (or at least the ones who are open about being male). When you see the arrogant ones (who yep I agree always seems to start with "man here" and always contain some level of twatwaffle) it can be off putting because we deal with it in real life so much it tends to create a visceral reaction.

The ones wittering about it never being intended as a female only space are being deliberately disingenuous as it takes some stupid mental gymnastics not to see there is a level of implied (but not guaranteed exclusive) female majority in the use of the word Mum.

All that said I can roll my eyes at the obvious men trying to be king of the castle (they never are anyway) and can appreciate that there are brilliant male posters (few and far between mind).

However even if you were to ban men (in theory before people froth....as a thought exercise ) it would do no good because the amount of women on here who have internalised the pick me mentality and are so viscerally desperate to seek men's attention by protecting them with mental gymnastics that any national team would be in awe of ruins any female space anyway.

I am the furthest thing from a man hater. I have two ds and rage against the idea they are inherently violent or dangerous because havig spent many years working with violent offenders i know that idea os absolute rubbish. I have a male dp who is the furthest thing from being sexist you could imagine. It doesn't mean I don't understand how insidious and unpleasant systemic misogyny is.

Mostly people with more than one brain cell can understand more than one issue. Mostly people can understand systemic misogyny is not the same thing as a specific male perso n.

I have more of an issue with the disgust I feel at women who will tear down another woman in a heart beat, using mental gymnastics akin to pretzel legs to make men seem innocent cuddly creatures as a group. Hell half of them even try to undermine and belittle other women over apparent non male issues without even seeing the misogyny that's causing it. Anyone who has read the absolute stupidity of how often towels , jeans etc should be washed will see how disgusting the need to tear other women down for the most vapid reasons is.

They do this with pride, with fervour, completely missing the underlying misogynistic crap they are guzzling to make those arguments.

At least men I can see coming so let them stay until women stop playing at being men's mouthpieces on here.

So many posts that women use practically as a "I'm not like other women, teeeheee , I don't wear makeup and do anything like these silly women , how silly they are having differnt likes and dislikes that might be entirely for themselves because obviously everything is intended for the male gaze....please god look in my direction...drop me a crumb " , even believing there aren't that many men here. They are desperate.

So personally I'm fine with men here while those posters are here as well. You can't legitimately get rid of either.

SoupDragon · 15/08/2022 23:29

I just tried to find the earliest posts by one of the known male posters I remember from eons ago and he seems to have started posting in 2005. Not a troll, not a "lonely man" just a poster who was about to become a father. He was welcomed and treated just like any other poster.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/08/2022 23:31

The ones wittering about it never being intended as a female only space are being deliberately disingenuous as it takes some stupid mental gymnastics not to see there is a level of implied (but not guaranteed exclusive) female majority in the use of the word Mum.

You mean the owner and founder? Seriously just Google what Justine says about it.

SoupDragon · 15/08/2022 23:34

The ones wittering about it never being intended as a female only space are being deliberately disingenuous as it takes some stupid mental gymnastics not to see there is a level of implied (but not guaranteed exclusive) female majority in the use of the word Mum.

I'm not being at all disingenuous, I am simply telling the truth.

Wonnle · 15/08/2022 23:35

Spinasaurus · 15/08/2022 21:26

There are probably a lot more men on here than you think pretending to be women

Back to Eddie Izzard !

ToGanymedeAndTitan · 15/08/2022 23:36

So many posts that women use practically as a "I'm not like other women, teeeheee , I don't wear makeup and do anything like these silly women , how silly they are having differnt likes and dislikes that might be entirely for themselves because obviously everything is intended for the male gaze....please god look in my direction...drop me a crumb " , even believing there aren't that many men here. They are desperate
Sorry, but what are you actually going on about?! 😂

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 15/08/2022 23:38

Walkden · 15/08/2022 23:21

Wow. Lots of misandry on this thread.

Do you know what misandry means?

saraclara · 15/08/2022 23:38

ToGanymedeAndTitan · 15/08/2022 23:36

So many posts that women use practically as a "I'm not like other women, teeeheee , I don't wear makeup and do anything like these silly women , how silly they are having differnt likes and dislikes that might be entirely for themselves because obviously everything is intended for the male gaze....please god look in my direction...drop me a crumb " , even believing there aren't that many men here. They are desperate
Sorry, but what are you actually going on about?! 😂

Yep, I don't recall a single post that fits that description. Clearly some posters read other people's posts through a very strange lens.

waterlego · 15/08/2022 23:39

BadNomad · 15/08/2022 23:12

I get more annoyed by the "I asked my DH and he says your boyfriend is a knob" type posts. We didn't ask your husband, Sandra!

😂

Sometimes the ‘male perspective’ is completely irrelevant to the conundrum in question too. I saw one of these the other day. Can’t remember what it was but equivalent to:

‘AIBU to say that the price of butter has gone up massively’
‘Yes OP, and I’ve just asked my husband and he also agrees that the price of butter has gone up massively!’

bumblenbean · 15/08/2022 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TabithaTittlemouse · 15/08/2022 23:42

Laughing at @Jalepenojello telling @SoupDragon what mumsnet is about 😂

ChagSameachDoreen · 15/08/2022 23:45

AtomicBlondeRose · 15/08/2022 21:20

I don’t object to men per se but there’s a certain tone men take when starting threads which makes me want to cringe myself inside out and 90% of male posters use it. An overly
flowery, self-consciously “witty”, wannabe self-effacing style. It’s immediately obvious that it’s a man, usually includes the work “hence”, makes you suspect the poster’s only seconds away from a “methinks” and anyway the jolly “aren’t I a big silly” persona soon falls away and turns into outright hostility about three posts in.

YES! You're so right. It's massively cringeworthy.

Christinatheastonishing · 15/08/2022 23:48

saraclara · 15/08/2022 23:18

No wonder that men don't choose to become SAHDs. Mumsnet is the equivalent of the school gate mums who leave dads isolated at the school gates.

I don't think that this place being called Mumsnet should have too much read into it. If people want it to be exclusively for Mums, then the OP should depart too.

SAHD wanting advice on how to settle a baby - fine.

Man posting a very one-sided picture of his relationship problems in the hope that women will fawn all over him and tell him how wonderful he is, so he can show it to his wife and gaslight her - not fine.

I see little to none of the first and a lot of the second.

RelaxTheCacks · 15/08/2022 23:50

Not unreasonable, not crazy about it myself, I have three grown men at home so plenty of testerical opinions here thanks.

SurreyHillsinspring · 15/08/2022 23:51

Is it ok if I post on Doghouse and the gardening forum.I feel safe there and have felt welcomed and received some brilliant advice aswell as starting many threads.I rarely dip into anywhere else.I just find this forum really informative.I do feel I shouldn't be here after reading this thread.

Hawkins001 · 15/08/2022 23:53

I joined around the time of the infamous p* beaker thread that made it into the daily mail. There are many threads completely not related to parenting.
So realistically I Understand people's different perspectives, but mumsnet is what it is.

FayeGovan · 15/08/2022 23:53

How times have changed. I wrote almost the same opening post and thread title here about 15 years ago and i got feckin pelters.

Hawkins001 · 15/08/2022 23:54

If you all have time, mumsnet mafia thread, is always looking for new recruits.

TeapotTitties · 15/08/2022 23:57

Man posting a very one-sided picture of his relationship problems in the hope that women will fawn all over him and tell him how wonderful he is, so he can show it to his wife and gaslight her - not fine.

That's no different to the umpteen women over the years who have posted a very one-sided picture of their relationship problems, in the hope that women will fawn over them and tell them how awful their husbands are.

We have absolutely no idea who's telling the truth on an anonymous forum and who isn't.