Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To not really like it when men post on here?

573 replies

Username91 · 15/08/2022 21:17

Just that really. After reading not one but two bullshit threads started by men in the last few days I’m just a bit sick of them posting on here. I love mumsnet. I’ve read interesting threads, hilarious ones, heartbreaking and sometimes infuriating ones and I just feel like saying ‘oh piss off’ every time a bloke sticks their neb in. It’s MUMSnet ffs. I know I am being unreasonable really and am a massive hypocrite as I’m not (yet) a mum myself haha and don’t actually contribute anything of value to this site myself but still….they get on my tits.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 16/08/2022 11:33

umpaumpajumps · 16/08/2022 11:13

100% agree!

If enough of us report it, they may listen. Can you imagine a thread titled "AIBU To not really like it when Gays post on here?"

Dervel · 16/08/2022 11:35

AdamRyan · 15/08/2022 22:42

I'm not a man 😂just use a male name

Can i nominate @dervel and @pigletjohn As 2 thoroughly great men on here
Dervel in particular always makes good points, on the feminist board as well.

@AdamRyan thank you for such kind words. It means a lot.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 11:38

C8H10N4O2 · 16/08/2022 09:33

Where are men supposed to post? Well there is a big internet world with discussion groups for every possible interest. They could put the time and effort into making the dadsnets and mens groups of this world actually work.

For decades I've watched womens groups, mail lists and forums established online, by the effort of women, grown into a success by women, only for the men to rock up and say 'its not fair' and either guilt trip women for entry or to simply misrepresent their way in by pretending to be female.

The question is not "where can the poor dears go" or that they need a "female perspective" (what is that anyway with 10m subscribers?).

The question men should answer is "why do men constantly expect women to create these facilities for them to use" instead of putting the time and effort into building their own?

Much the same reason I suspect that women are assumed always to be the default parent and expected to remember a male partners family obligations.

100% this. ^

Reminds me of when I first came to the area I live in now. A woman about half a mile away from me had created a 'womans coffee and chat group' that she had at her own house. She had a large house, and 3 acres of land. Between 20 and 25 women used to meet and chat and have coffee and discuss hobbies, and do some crafting and painting and drawing, and sometimes 2 or 3 of them would walk around three acres of garden for half an hour.

It was wonderful. She was quite well off and even though she was offered money for people to attend she didn't take it - she just provided coffees, cold drinks, and teas and biscuits ... although some people brought some cakes and biscuits along sometimes too .. it was amazing and a really great safe space for women to chat and catch up. A wonderful friendship circle.

It had been going 3 years, and I had been going for 9 months, and this one woman came after overhearing someone chatting about it. She more or less invited herself. Ooooh can I come?' she asked. Well, most women were welcome, and there seemed no reason to say no, so the leader was asked, and she said 'yes she can come..'

Literally just the third time that she came (it was twice a month,) she started saying 'my Steve would love to come to this - my husband Steve.' It was explained by the lady that created and run the group (and her 2 oldest friends/the two ladies that helped her,) that this was a women only group. So sorry, but no...

The new lady just shrugged her shoulders and moved on. Couple of weeks later - she came, and the first thing she said is 'I was talking to my husband Steve, and he said he really does want to come to this group, and he doesn't like being excluded, and actually you are breaking the law by not allowing a man here because it's sexism!' Shock

I don't know how the woman and her two helpers/friends kept their cool, but the leader explained gently but firmly that this is her home, and this is a group of friends that she has around. This is not some official government run or council run group ... this is her home and she'll have who she wants in the home.

The woman carried on and said 'well I really do think it's quite sexist, he really should be allowed to come.'

One of the two women that regularly helped the leader, and who she'd known for many years said 'look, if he wants to come to a meet up group like this - tell him to create his own. He is NOT coming to this one. No men are coming to this one. This is a woman's friendship group ... So him - and you - need to stop trying to push him into coming here, otherwise we're afraid that we're going to stop you coming. We don't want to ban you but we will if you keep on with this.'

This woman came a couple more times (don't know how she had the nerve to show her face tbh,) but most people were quite offhand with her after that, because they were so disgusted with her, so she didn't come after those 2 times.

Yes I KNOW men are allowed here, but that doesn't mean some women aren't allowed to feel uncomfortable with it, or wish they wouldn't come here.

Lunar270 · 16/08/2022 11:43

PollyRockets · 16/08/2022 11:11

Why not remove the entire post

Since it's sole goal was to make male posters feel shit for participating

It's fine and good to read a diverse range of opinions. I find interest in reading the "why do men...." threads as they can be interesting, if not educational!

To be honest I only really visit AIBU and a few others (money, jobs, exercise, BMN and sometimes relationships when relevant). I don't often start threads but the last one ended up on the daily mail, which was odd (what do we do now that'll be frowned upon in x years).

What I find odd about PP's complaining about possible male lurkers on the sex forum is that MN is a completely public website. Surely if you don't want people reading about your sexual issues you wouldn't post on a public space? Bizarre.

Although, I personally take more issue with those who post on BMN when they're white and asked kindly not to contribute from the outset. Surely that's worse than men contributing on the rest of MN?

SoupDragon · 16/08/2022 11:45

The Dickhead Men are usually dealt with fairly robustly though.

most men you don't notice. I never give a thought to the sex of the person posting.

Lilylizard · 16/08/2022 11:56

Not read all the thread, but the same thing happens on Black Mumsnet "white person here" and then what usually follows is the most mortifying, pretending to be humble but actually quite condescending, po faced quest for brownie points. So many people doing their own version of being a male feminist looking for congratulations

HRTQueen · 16/08/2022 11:57

I think it’s entitled to be posting on BMN especially when poster has asked for non black women to respect the thread and not post

often racist responses yes of course that’s worse

I’m sure the creeps lurk everywhere on here

countingsheep5678 · 16/08/2022 12:01

The ones I hate the most are when a mother has started a thread because she is scared/worried or just upset about having to share custody of a very young child! They are obviously disgruntled fathers who just lurk to find such threads and then say stupid comments like 'well why couldn't a father have full custody of a six month old baby too.' This is Mumsnet, and women should see it as a safe space! We are constantly undermined and forgotten about as the 'lesser' sex and having a man, who has no experience of the natural maternal bond most mothers have with their babies is repulsive! (Yes I am speaking from experience l)!

countingsheep5678 · 16/08/2022 12:01

@GCAcademic this is my point exactly! Very disturbing men!

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 12:02

HRTQueen · 16/08/2022 11:57

I think it’s entitled to be posting on BMN especially when poster has asked for non black women to respect the thread and not post

often racist responses yes of course that’s worse

I’m sure the creeps lurk everywhere on here

Have non black people really been told to stay away from Black Mumsnetters?

WOW, I literally have no words. None. Shock There are soooooo many things wrong with this. Utterly disgusting.

Lunar270 · 16/08/2022 12:06

WOW, I literally have no words. None. Shock There are soooooo many things wrong with this. Utterly disgusting.

Do you mean disgusting that people choose to ignore and post anyway?

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 12:07

Lunar270 · 16/08/2022 12:06

WOW, I literally have no words. None. Shock There are soooooo many things wrong with this. Utterly disgusting.

Do you mean disgusting that people choose to ignore and post anyway?

I don't mean that and you know it.

iBrows · 16/08/2022 12:08

The main thing that gets to me is the fact that many male posters / perverts only seem to post on the sex board. Incredibly creepy.

Lunar270 · 16/08/2022 12:08

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps

What do you mean then?

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 12:10

iBrows · 16/08/2022 12:08

The main thing that gets to me is the fact that many male posters / perverts only seem to post on the sex board. Incredibly creepy.

Very. And some pretend to be women. You can tell the ones who are men! !!!

chigrai · 16/08/2022 12:11

iBrows · 16/08/2022 12:08

The main thing that gets to me is the fact that many male posters / perverts only seem to post on the sex board. Incredibly creepy.

Yes, and the relationship section or any dating threads

Not so much on the general chatter threads...🤔

OneTC · 16/08/2022 12:12

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 12:02

Have non black people really been told to stay away from Black Mumsnetters?

WOW, I literally have no words. None. Shock There are soooooo many things wrong with this. Utterly disgusting.

odfod

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 12:13

chigrai · 16/08/2022 12:11

Yes, and the relationship section or any dating threads

Not so much on the general chatter threads...🤔

And when they start 'man here.... so ladies.............' Hmm

chigrai · 16/08/2022 12:14

Lilylizard · 16/08/2022 11:56

Not read all the thread, but the same thing happens on Black Mumsnet "white person here" and then what usually follows is the most mortifying, pretending to be humble but actually quite condescending, po faced quest for brownie points. So many people doing their own version of being a male feminist looking for congratulations

There's a poster well known for doing this, you'll know who I mean as they've been called out for their behaviour before. Too much time on their hands and a saviour complex.

CuriousCatfish · 16/08/2022 12:15

MNHQ need to sort the sex topic out. It's a pervs paradise and there's even a thread asking for sex talk PMs.

The blokes on there are sleaze bags.

SweetPetrichor · 16/08/2022 12:15

Meh, it’s a public forum…loads of us could be men pretending to be women from behind the computer screen! Who knows!

HRTQueen · 16/08/2022 12:17

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 12:02

Have non black people really been told to stay away from Black Mumsnetters?

WOW, I literally have no words. None. Shock There are soooooo many things wrong with this. Utterly disgusting.

no

read my post

iBrows · 16/08/2022 12:20

chigrai · 16/08/2022 12:11

Yes, and the relationship section or any dating threads

Not so much on the general chatter threads...🤔

Yep. They don’t seem interested in the parenting topics to me. I don’t know a way around it other than removing the sex topic completely, which wouldn’t be the worst thing. It is very obvious which posters are perverts pretending to be women but it can’t be proven as such.

HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd · 16/08/2022 12:21

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 16/08/2022 12:02

Have non black people really been told to stay away from Black Mumsnetters?

WOW, I literally have no words. None. Shock There are soooooo many things wrong with this. Utterly disgusting.

Why is it disgusting? 🤨

Its a good idea to try to create a space.

The neurodiversity board has done the same.

The problem is that there is no way of enforcing it.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 16/08/2022 12:26

Not necessarily. There are some male contributors whose contributions I enjoy and value. What I do object to is:

  • Mansplainers. Especially the ones who offer free-of-charge lectures on actual, real women's experience.
  • Men who bombard the site, usually the FWR boards, to tell women off for sharing concerns or organizing; i.e. in support of noteworthy legal cases, or resisting the offline harassment of some women.
  • Fetishists, whose outlandish requests for highly personal medical or sexual information unfortunately often draws in a high number of responses. These people can be spotted a mile off for exactly what they are, but it takes a certain knowledge of their predilections, and sometimes, some longevity as a member of this site.
  • 'Handmaidens' who are constantly present on any thread where women are bravely sharing their stories as victims of abuse or sexual assault. These are the people who constantly shrill that MN is the domain of man-hating harpies. I suspect a goodly proportion of them are also men.
As far as I'm concerned, the latter four categories can exit and multiply.