Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

who is being U in this scenario please?

109 replies

hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:22

NC for obvious outing reasons. Sorry it's a bit long but full story ...

Big birthday coming up this year think 50 and the only thing I really wanted as a present was to go away with DH and our young adult children. Not a big, extravagant trip as a) we don't have the spare cash and b) we are all working at various jobs and c) we have already had a summer holiday this year. Also, the month of my birthday is stuffed full of other commitments (other family birthdays, a wedding, work, things going on for the YA dc). So I decided on a 4 day trip to Europe to a city I've never been to before, not too far away. But it has taken me a long, long time to make a decision on a destination and the dates when we can all squeeze it in. So I'm really glad I've finally decided.

Today DH went out with one of his best friends for lunch. When he came back he told me that he'd told his friend about our plans for my birthday and his friend had reacted in a really "meh" way. He said he gave him the impression it was a bit boring/pants/nothing to get excited about.

Bear in mind this friend gets a lot of free and very low cost trips away because his DW is a travel journalist and so they go away about 4 times a year on long weekends funded by her work. They are older and go without their dc and dgc. She earns a lot otherwise (he is retired and barely earns anything) and also pays for their longer family holidays.

So who is being unreasonable here? DH's friend for being lukewarm about our plans, DH for telling me about his friend's reaction, or me for being fucked off about it? I just DON'T understand why DH chose to tell me this when he knows it's taken me about 6 months to come up with a workable solution.

Or am I BU for giving a toss?

Thanks for reading for all that. I genuinely don't know if I'm being a bit of a twit.

OP posts:
LydiaDeets · 15/08/2022 20:24

Well if his wife is a travel journalist of course he's going to be nonplussed by a standard trip.

But why do you care? Are you happy with your plans?

NotTooOldPaul · 15/08/2022 20:25

It is your birthday, your family and your choice. Don't let some other person spoil it for you
Go where you want and enjoy your birthday.

BecauseICan22 · 15/08/2022 20:25

I couldn't and wouldn't give this any headspace. I can't understand why you would? Who cares.

Go on your holiday and have fun! This trip is for you, not the approval of others.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 15/08/2022 20:26

Maybe your family trip sounds a tad better than the ones he went on.

Maybe he is a touch envious op?

Sparkletastic · 15/08/2022 20:27

What's the destination?
Maybe DH's friend is a miserable fun sponge who likes to piss on others' chips 🤷🏻‍♀️

CherieBabySpliffUp · 15/08/2022 20:28

BecauseICan22 · 15/08/2022 20:25

I couldn't and wouldn't give this any headspace. I can't understand why you would? Who cares.

Go on your holiday and have fun! This trip is for you, not the approval of others.

I couldn't have said this better. It's YOUR trip to celebrate YOUR birthday. As long as your family are on board with your choice then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Original poster
hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:33

I think what should have happened is that dh's friend would have reacted with enthusiasm (as I would to anyone who told me something similar) but also am mystified why dh chose to tell me his friend was meh about it when he bloody knows how long and hard I've had to plan it/think about it.

OP posts:
SnoozyLucy7 · 15/08/2022 20:34

What does it matter what this friend thinks? He’s not coming along so what’s it to him? It’s all subjective, anyway. What one person likes may not be liked by the next!

It’s your birthday, your choice!

redskyatnight · 15/08/2022 20:34

I think YABU. Other people are not obliged to get excited about your holiday location. You are happy about it, and that's all the matters. Different people like different things.

NoSquirrels · 15/08/2022 20:37

DH for telling me about his friend's reaction

That’s my vote.

I’m going to guess DH hasn’t done any research or coordination of the dates or anything really bar saying “If you like, dear.”

redskyatnight · 15/08/2022 20:37

hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:33

I think what should have happened is that dh's friend would have reacted with enthusiasm (as I would to anyone who told me something similar) but also am mystified why dh chose to tell me his friend was meh about it when he bloody knows how long and hard I've had to plan it/think about it.

Why? I don't, for example, like Centre Parcs, but clearly some people love it. If someone told me they'd planned to go there and never been before I would say that I hadn't enjoyed going there, but I'd also hope they had a different experience. I wouldn't have faked enthusiasm I didn't feel. If you've spent as long planning this as you say they have, I'm surprised that one person saying they don't like the destination has annoyed you so much - you may well have different priorities or interests to them. other people don't have to validate your choice.

angelikacpickles · 15/08/2022 20:43

I don't understand why you care what some random friend of your husbands thinks about your plans? Why on earth does it matter? He's not going so his opinion is irrelevant.

mattressspring · 15/08/2022 20:44

Nobody is BU. Your DH friend and you like different things. That's normal.

Antarcticant · 15/08/2022 20:45

DH is U for telling you.

His friend is entitled to an opinion - it's a bit dickish to wet-blanket someone else's holiday plans but without knowing exactly what was said it's hard to determine whether he was at fault.

Sparklybutold · 15/08/2022 20:49

For me, key to this is why it's bothering you so much?

Original poster
hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:49

angelikacpickles · 15/08/2022 20:43

I don't understand why you care what some random friend of your husbands thinks about your plans? Why on earth does it matter? He's not going so his opinion is irrelevant.

I agree. But why did dh tell me?

OP posts:
CombatBarbie · 15/08/2022 20:50

But some folk don't like busy cities and others don't like beach cities.

What's the city?

Original poster
hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:51

Sparklybutold · 15/08/2022 20:49

For me, key to this is why it's bothering you so much?

Because dh told me. Also, I would never, ever piss on a friend's parade.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 15/08/2022 20:52

I think your DH was being a bit of a dick for passing these comments on.

If I were you I wouldn't let it put me off but I think a bit of a pointed comment to your DH would have been in order. "Well thank you dear for trying to rain on my parade when you know how much this trip means to me and how long I have been trying to plan it." He deserves to feel a bit bad for being do thoughtless.

girlmom21 · 15/08/2022 20:52

I think DH and his friend are both dicks. Why would you put a downer on someone's holiday like that.

Although YABU for giving us an example of a big birthday Grin

Original poster
hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:52

CombatBarbie · 15/08/2022 20:50

But some folk don't like busy cities and others don't like beach cities.

What's the city?

It could be anywhere in Europe. Why does it matter?

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 15/08/2022 20:54

hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:52

It could be anywhere in Europe. Why does it matter?

Show quote history

Because some people might have been there and enjoyed it and cheered you up?

SheWoreYellow · 15/08/2022 20:54

hmmamIbeingsilly · 15/08/2022 20:52

It could be anywhere in Europe. Why does it matter?

Show quote history

And we’d be able to say that the friend is being a knob.

DowntonCrabby · 15/08/2022 20:59

No one is BU. Who gives a shite what he thinks if you’re happy with your plans?

Enjoy it OP and don’t give this another moment’s thought. Flowers

tillytown · 15/08/2022 21:01

No one is being unreasonable, your husband is allowed to talk to his friends, and his friends are allowed to have different opinions to you.
Hope the holiday goes well

Swipe left for the next trending thread