who is being U in this scenario please?

[hmmamIbeingsilly]

NC for obvious outing reasons. Sorry it's a bit long but full story ...

Big birthday coming up this year think 50 and the only thing I really wanted as a present was to go away with DH and our young adult children. Not a big, extravagant trip as a) we don't have the spare cash and b) we are all working at various jobs and c) we have already had a summer holiday this year. Also, the month of my birthday is stuffed full of other commitments (other family birthdays, a wedding, work, things going on for the YA dc). So I decided on a 4 day trip to Europe to a city I've never been to before, not too far away. But it has taken me a long, long time to make a decision on a destination and the dates when we can all squeeze it in. So I'm really glad I've finally decided.

Today DH went out with one of his best friends for lunch. When he came back he told me that he'd told his friend about our plans for my birthday and his friend had reacted in a really "meh" way. He said he gave him the impression it was a bit boring/pants/nothing to get excited about.

Bear in mind this friend gets a lot of free and very low cost trips away because his DW is a travel journalist and so they go away about 4 times a year on long weekends funded by her work. They are older and go without their dc and dgc. She earns a lot otherwise (he is retired and barely earns anything) and also pays for their longer family holidays.

So who is being unreasonable here? DH's friend for being lukewarm about our plans, DH for telling me about his friend's reaction, or me for being fucked off about it? I just DON'T understand why DH chose to tell me this when he knows it's taken me about 6 months to come up with a workable solution.

Or am I BU for giving a toss?

Thanks for reading for all that. I genuinely don't know if I'm being a bit of a twit.

Is his friend the kind of person who always has to know best?

Your DH is being unreasonable for sharing this information with you. Not sure what he thought he'd achieve by doing so.

Just forget about it, it's not worth a second thought.

Exactly this

Today DH went out with one of his best friends for lunch. When he came back he told me that he'd told his friend about our plans for my birthday and his friend had reacted in a really "meh" way. He said he gave him the impression it was a bit boring/pants/nothing to get excited about.

So the friend was ambivalent. So what? Your husband didn't say the friend said it was a crap plan, the worst place ever. He was 'meh'. Why would this bother you?

As an example my DH loves Florence. I found Florence distinctly 'meh'. If a friend asked for my opinion on Florence I'd probably say I preferred Rome TBH. Someone earlier in this thread said they didn't like Rome - does that bother me? Not a jot. I fail to see why it would cause any upset or even register

The friend was rude, but I wouldn’t necessarily avoid telling my other half that a friend had been rude. I suppose it depends how your husband said it. I assume he thought you were happy about your plan, tastes differ, and aren’t people odd.

When your DH told you what his friend said, was it like:

"I told friend about your birthday trip, and just to warn you, he said it was a bit crap. So don't get your hopes up. The trip probably won't be very good."

or was it like:

"I told friend about your birthday trip - and of course, because he's Mr Expensive Holiday and always has to piss on other people's chips, he was really 'meh' about it. Haha, he's such a twat, isn't he? Typical of him."

Because there is a massive difference between those two things. If it was the former, your DH would have been better off saying nothing, and who knows why he chose to share? But if it was the latter, your DH did nothing wrong and you're been massively over-sensitive.

Obviously DH's friend is rude in either scenario. But even so, YABU to be making such a massive deal of someone being moderately snotty about your holiday. It is really weird that you can't let this go.

Probably somewhere he doesn't rate or has visited a million times.

But you shouldn't give a shit, this is for your birthday.

Where ever it is, have a bloody great time!

I think yabu. I live in a beautiful place where many go on holiday. I love it. My friend hates it. We like different things from a holiday. I love culture , nice food. She just wants to lie on a sunbed all day.

Neither of us are wrong we just prefer different things

I had the best holiday of my life with my husband in Barcelona a few years ago. It’s still one of my favourite places and I’d love to go back. Best friend went with her other half not long after us and said she wish she chose elsewhere and wouldn’t go back

It is absolutely OK for others to have different opinions. I think that your DH friend is entitled to his but only if DH asked for it. I wouldn’t tell someone their holiday destination was “boring” unless they asked me if I had been and did I enjoy it.

Your DH shouldn’t of told you, Your DH friend shouldn’t of commented unless he was asked.

As for you being unreasonable to be upset, no of course not. If you are upset then you are upset. But do not dwell, or let that comment affect you or your plans xx

I'm guessing you are an overthinker, OP? You mention that it's taken you six months to plan a four day trip and now you've made the decision you are agonising over one comment. Just one comment. You need to keep this in perspective, it's just.one.comment. from someone not even going on the trip.

I really couldn't get 'enthusiastic' about someone else 4 night break, I don't understand the issue at all.

There are ways of reacting enthusiastically that neither express personal enthusiasm for the destination, nor pour cold water on someone else's plans. Such as 'you must really be looking forward to that' or 'your kids will enjoy it' or 'I hope you have a wonderful time'.

DH's friend hasn't ever been to this place btw. It's just somewhere he doesn't fancy. He's just come back from a week in a 5* hotel on the Italian Riviera courtesy of his wife's job ... so it probably does seem a bit underwhelming.

I still can't get over why DH told me! It's a place we've often talked about going (him and me) and he was really relieved I'd finally decided and come up with a plan after quite a lot of uncertainty.

You'll probably love it op.
Just go with an open mind and ignore the doomsayers.

"DH's friend hasn't ever been to this place btw........"

😮😮😮
How does he know that it's meh so ?

Perhaps his wife has insider tips she'll give you.
To make up for his ignorance in raining on your parade.

It depends on why and how DH told you:

'Oh wifey [sorry], I had lunch with Prick and he was really down on our holiday choice and made it sound boring, it pissed me off.' FINE. YABU.

'Oh wifey [sorry], I had lunch with Prick and he told me all about the city, it's really put me off, why did you pick that destination?' NOT FINE. YANBU.

I still can't get over why DH told me!

He doesn't want to visit there?

sorry if I’ve missed it but have you asked your DH why he told you about his friends reaction?

is he now worried you (or all of you ) won’t enjoy it?

I think your DH might have changed his mind and is sounding you out on changing destination.

I'd feel exactly the same. Why is the geezer such misery guts about where I want to go but, worse, why does my husband feel the need to tell me I've been looked down on by the original misery guts?! Way to put the mockers on something, git faces.

Maybe he told you because his friend's reaction made him feel a bit deflated too?

Not sure why you’ve even posted tbh who cares

But WHY would a friend diss them and WHY would dh share that with me? This is why I'm asking the genuine aibu.

First of all he didn't diss it to you. He was chatting with your husband. Maybe he thought you could change your plans. You weren't there, you don't know what the convo in actuality was nor the tone it was said in.

To me, the question is WHY do you care what one pumpkinhead thinks?
I cruise a lot and the amount of people that say:
(a) they'd love to cruise the fjords - heads up, only the most boring place in the world! People disagree and say its lovely.
and (b) they'd hate cruising. I got offered a cruise back from Australia. Did I care what those cruise haters thought? Hell no. I had a brill time.

Just go and enjoy yourself and allow that other people are allowed to express contrary opinions, especially if they're trying to help.

Have you quite grasped the concept of a chat forum?

I voted Yabu simply because of your reaction.

it doesn’t matter what his friend thinks or his wife or even DH himself. This is your plans for your birthday. Just because they find it meh doesn’t mean you won’t love it.

your DH was probably just telling you because men think differently. He likely was giving you the information in case you really valued his friends travel advice and might want to book something else. Not to spoil it for you.
just stay firm. This is what you want to do so you will.