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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fuming with DD

322 replies

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 18:55

For ringing the switchboard to speak to me while I was at work today!! To ask if she could go to the cinema with her friends this afternoon! She’s 17 if that makes any difference. She did try to ring and text my mobile but I was in a meeting! I just feel she should have waited for me to see her message or missed call instead of calling the switchboard in an effort to reach me

OP posts:
ZitarsLove · 15/08/2022 22:25

You r being rediculous

Cherchezlaspice · 15/08/2022 22:25

AliMonkey · 15/08/2022 22:18

I too would be furious - at 17 she’s old enough to understand that work meetings trump her cinema needs. So perfectly reasonable to text or call your mobile but not reasonable for you to be called in a meeting.

Would you really? Furious? I get being irritated or a bit annoyed, but fuming to the extent that you’d need time to calm down?

I agree that her daughter should have just waited, but the amount of rage OP appears to be feeling seems uncalled for.

NumberTheory · 15/08/2022 22:28

KettrickenSmiled · 15/08/2022 22:13

OP is VERY IMPORTANT AT WORK @Cherchezlaspice

So it's fine to get all disproportionate over an tiny office protocol matter she has neglected to teach her DD.

Show quote history

With OP’s update it’s clear the DD wasn’t unaware of office protocol. She lied to the receptionist about the nature of her need to speak to OP, so clearly did realise it wasn’t the done thing.

But I still agree the fuming is OTT.

Tigofigo · 15/08/2022 22:28

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 20:55

I assume she didn’t tell the admin team what was urgent about it, because it wasn’t urgent and she knows that!

Thing is, in her world, it WAS urgent. She needed the money urgently.

Was it an emergency? No. But to her 17 year old self it was urgent.

She needs a reminder of when it's ok to call the switchboard, and also change her allowance to monthly debit. It's good for her to learn about budgeting.

jammiewhammie65 · 15/08/2022 22:28

lot123 · 15/08/2022 22:18

Why hasn't she got her own money ? At 17 she should have a job surely

I don't know any 17 year olds near me with a job. Some 18 year olds post A levels have found a summer job.

Credit to those 17 year olds that work and I understand that many 17 year olds have to contribute to household income. But not everyone is in this position and may be able to support their child just studying and playing sport or whatever. Appreciate this may be a fortunate minority and some kids do a great job of balancing working and studying.

At 16 you have a national insurance number you can get a part time job if you try to get one. McDonald's and dominoes both take 16 year olds. Kids are so spoilt and entitled these days it really annoys me

Wheresthebeach · 15/08/2022 22:29

Has the heat got to you OP? Don’t see the issue.

Diyextension · 15/08/2022 22:32

I think the op just likes saying the word “ meeting “. 🤣

SunshineLoving · 15/08/2022 22:32

Make sure she has her allowance going forwards.

Leave some emergency cash in the house that she is aware of.

Tell her when she can and cannot call the switchboard.

Dixiechickonhols · 15/08/2022 22:35

From 16 most children work in our area. My 16 year old DD has just started at McDonald’s (£8 an hour at 16) Lots of jobs in local restaurants and cafes, fast food. Great chance to get started as loads of vacancies at minute in these types of jobs.

Crimeismymiddlename · 15/08/2022 22:35

I used to do this to both my parents at that age. I was extremely irritating! They used to get very annoyed but I don’t think anyone at work really cared-if they did I would have been told not to.

Cherchezlaspice · 15/08/2022 22:36

jammiewhammie65 · 15/08/2022 22:28

At 16 you have a national insurance number you can get a part time job if you try to get one. McDonald's and dominoes both take 16 year olds. Kids are so spoilt and entitled these days it really annoys me

Show quote history

Most people I know didn’t work until after uni. I got my first job after my Masters, so was in my early 20’s. Yes, we could have got part time jobs when we were 16, but we didn’t need to, as we had parents who were in a position to provide us with allowances. We’ve all turned out pretty well.

I don’t understand this idea that people must start working as soon as they are able and it’s a moral failing if they don’t.

SpinCityBlues · 15/08/2022 22:39

Diyextension · 15/08/2022 22:32

I think the op just likes saying the word “ meeting “. 🤣

It's a right load of bollocks. 'Head of UK and Ireland publicity' and can't use grammar correctly? Isn't organised enough to have had a direct debit in place? Ye gods.

KnockedInn · 15/08/2022 22:42

Cherchezlaspice · 15/08/2022 22:25

Would you really? Furious? I get being irritated or a bit annoyed, but fuming to the extent that you’d need time to calm down?

I agree that her daughter should have just waited, but the amount of rage OP appears to be feeling seems uncalled for.

Show quote history

OMG that's so true. Some of these people sound like dreadful parents. Who never admit to their own mistakes and don't believe their children are entitled to have emotions.

Cyclebabble · 15/08/2022 22:44

No you cannot be fuming- that is a huge over reaction. Just ask her calmly to only call you again if it is really urgent. I once got a call from my 6 year old son to ask where his Cranky the crane was… we laugh now.

MadonnasKebab · 15/08/2022 22:48

So she called you at work why is that such a big deal

lot123 · 15/08/2022 22:49

At 16 you have a national insurance number you can get a part time job if you try to get one. McDonald's and dominoes both take 16 year olds. Kids are so spoilt and entitled these days it really annoys me

I think you may be missing my point. We've discouraged our teenagers to work until post their A levels. I appreciate we're lucky to be able to do that financially. But it doesn't make my kids spoilt or entitled. They study hard, they help around the house, one's just finished a year of volunteer work, they play competitive sport.

We were happy to fund our son's post A level summer too but he's chosen to get a summer job working in a local pub plus agency temping event work in London as well. There's no need to judge. They'll have plenty of years to earn their living and support themselves.

Ragwort · 15/08/2022 22:52

Cherchez - I don't know any 16 year olds who haven't got a part time job, and we live in a very ordinary small town, plenty of jobs in hospitality, shops, babysitting, dog walking etc.
And I was working part time from 14 (different rules then) in fact I have an old school friend staying with me now and we have been reminiscing about our jobs in cafes etc when we were young. We didn't have to work, we both came from solid middle class backgrounds and our parents could afford to give us an allowance but surely encouraging a work ethic is good? And we always had sufficient time for hobbies, sport, socialising and volunteering etc.
I think it does make a difference - I used to work in graduate recruitment and there is a noticeable difference between people who have had part time jobs as youngsters and those who have not.

Thornethorn · 15/08/2022 22:56

She does get an allowance at the start of each week but I forgot to transfer it this morning/yesterday evening

Do you think she's fuming?

Greyarea12 · 15/08/2022 22:58

To say you are fuming and need time to calm down is absolutely ridiculous especially as you have said you wont get into any trouble and your not embarrassed by it. To be annoyed, yes, but your reaction is way over the top. I hope you don't give her a hard time because it's your emotions you need to learn to regulate more than anything else.

melj1213 · 15/08/2022 23:08

YABU

Your DDs understanding of urgent (ie the request being time sensitive) is different to yours (ie only call if someone is bleeding, the cat is on fire or the world is ending) but that doesn't mean she is wrong, just naive.

You keep saying your DD should have waited but if she had waited she would have missed the trip due to your behaviour - not answering her messages and not having transferred her allowance - so I can understand why she felt it was worth interrupting your work.

Also you say she should have waited but what was the timeline? If she literally texted/called your mobile back to back and then immediately called your work phone then I could understand you being annoyed at her impatience, especially if you knew your meeting would be over in a short time so she wouldnt have had tonwait more than 20/30 mins total; but if she text your mobile, got no reply after 20 mins so called your mobile, got no answer and then called the work number 30 minutes later then I think that it's not unreasonable of her to call after almost an hour of no reply and no idea when you'll actually be able to respond to her on a time sensitive request.

Equally 17yos who have never worked often don't understand the complexities of work/meetings and unless you told her "I have a very important meeting this morning with big bosses/external clients at 11am" then how was she to know you weren't just ignoring her messages or that you weren't just having a regular informal catch up meeting with your team that was OK to interrupt?

Cherchezlaspice · 15/08/2022 23:08

Ragwort · 15/08/2022 22:52

Cherchez - I don't know any 16 year olds who haven't got a part time job, and we live in a very ordinary small town, plenty of jobs in hospitality, shops, babysitting, dog walking etc.
And I was working part time from 14 (different rules then) in fact I have an old school friend staying with me now and we have been reminiscing about our jobs in cafes etc when we were young. We didn't have to work, we both came from solid middle class backgrounds and our parents could afford to give us an allowance but surely encouraging a work ethic is good? And we always had sufficient time for hobbies, sport, socialising and volunteering etc.
I think it does make a difference - I used to work in graduate recruitment and there is a noticeable difference between people who have had part time jobs as youngsters and those who have not.

Then we had different upbringings. Which is fine and doesn’t impact on my point at all. Great if you and your friends all worked. Nobody I know did. And we’re all currently pretty successful, so our work ethic was not negatively impacted.

Unless there are financial reasons (which I understand that there are for lots of people), I personally don’t think there’s anything to be gained from teenagers working. They obviously can if they want to but they’ll be working most of their adult lives. There’s no hurry.

I think the narrative around it is fascinating, though. Starting work as soon as possible being posited almost as the moral choice, with the lack thereof being a failing. It’s the whole capitalist glorification of ceaseless toil for the masses thing, isn’t it? (I’m talking about the cultural narrative, not saying you’ve said this, to be clear!)

Lalliella · 15/08/2022 23:09

Fuming? Total over-reaction. How on earth do you manage to stay calm at stressful moments in your Very Important Job?

KnockedInn · 15/08/2022 23:09

Snowisallaround · 15/08/2022 19:11

Yeah I haven’t spoken to her yet as was going to try and calm down first

Show quote history

You are trying to "calm down" from something that had no negative consequences for you. Caused you no embarrassment, and you didn't get in any trouble. You're wrapped pretty tight!
Have you considered medication? Or anger control management?

VladmirsPoutine · 15/08/2022 23:20

I don’t understand this idea that people must start working as soon as they are able and it’s a moral failing if they don’t.

Think it stems from the same place of no-one wanting anyone else to have anything nice therefore we must all suffer together.

alrightfella · 15/08/2022 23:21

My parents funded me so I never really had a job until after university. We could afford to do the same for our dc but haven't.

I think having a part time job is incredibly important and I can very much see the difference in the dc's friends between those who work and those who don't. It teaches them so many things and gives them independence.