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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Send ILL toddler DD on holiday

304 replies

TiredHippo · 15/08/2022 04:29

Changed user name as don't want anyone knowing me from my other posts. My Ex BF is supposed to be taking my DD on holiday today, the flight is in the afternoon (3:00ish) but she's just woken up hot to the touch and thrown up, gave her Capol but threw it straight up. I phoned to let him know, and his attitude, to be honest, has angered me so much. I get from his tone, that he still wants to take her away with him. It's for a week away, and I'm not happy that he expects a toddler, who has just thrown up, with a temperature and is boiling hot to the touch to be able to get to the airport (1.5-2 hrs away, depending on traffic) to then go through the rigmarole of going through the airport, to then spend 4 hours on a flight. I said I didn't want her going through all that, but he said to.....stick a cold towel underneath her and see how she feels later. I get his frustration, I really do, as nobody wants their plans to change, especially when you've all been looking forward to go, but would IBU to insist I don't think she's well enough to go gievn the circumstances. Please be kind, I've got an ILL toddler at the moment.

OP posts:
DorothyDollop · 15/08/2022 09:52

Quia · 15/08/2022 09:42

She does say "boiling hot" - read the OP fully.

Show quote history

Ah thank you @Quia I missed that on reading again - I saw the OP said “hot to the touch” first and assumed that she didn’t talk about the temperature again. But she does, 7 lines later. In subsequent posts she reverts to saying her child is (just) “hot to the touch again”.

Apologies @OddsandSods for wrongly saying you added the “boiling” Flowers

ShatParp · 15/08/2022 09:54

@DorothyDollop great name change!

Following to find out what a Dorothy dollop is, but I hope your DD is much better now OP.

PomegranateTree · 15/08/2022 09:55

Sorry to hear your DD is not well. She needs to stay home. Apart from her own wellness and comfort there is the issue of her passing on a bug to other people. I suspect you would be worrying about her no matter how good her Dad is. Normal.

DorothyDollop · 15/08/2022 10:03

Thank you @ShatParp Grin

Bpdqueen · 15/08/2022 10:14

Let her go chances are she will be fine tomorrow. She will hopefully sleep most of the journey and you said he's a good dad so I'm sure he's capable of looking after her.

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 15/08/2022 10:15

So what happened OP?

HOTHotPeppers · 15/08/2022 10:20

I get why he's disappointed and wants to take her but gosh he's taking a risk when he has an alternative. She could be sick in the airport and everyone's holiday cancelled. But I get it. My DS was sick last night, we don't fly until Sunday and that's stressed me out enough, the risk that we're all going to catch it over the week.

Wetblanket78 · 15/08/2022 10:22

It might be the heat have you taken her temperature? Sometimes children can feel hot but that's not they're body temperature. Something fizzy helps settle they're stomach so they can keep fluids down. Most important thing is they drink. The ear thermometers are best the forehead one's aren't very good. If she does have a temp keep a close eye on her. They can have siezures.

OddsandSods · 15/08/2022 10:30

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Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 10:33

Festoonlights · 15/08/2022 09:03

Most ridiculous post of the week!
Of course op is perfectly entitled to decide if her child is well enough to fly.

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I’m afraid that is the legal position that she is not entitled at all to make any decision about how he spends his time with his child.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 15/08/2022 10:35

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 10:33

I’m afraid that is the legal position that she is not entitled at all to make any decision about how he spends his time with his child.

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Are you missing the bit where the child is still with the mother at the point of the decision making?

LemonsOnSaleAgain · 15/08/2022 10:35

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Did you read her apology to you upthread before posting?

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 10:37

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 15/08/2022 10:35

Are you missing the bit where the child is still with the mother at the point of the decision making?

Show quote history

If we’re gonna go to the enth degree with this if she doesn’t have that kid over and he has in writing that this is his time to have his child, if he takes it to court it won’t cut any mustard with the judge that she thought the kid was too ilL to go on holiday, she has to hand it over and he makes the decision.

he may well get extra time awarded and if she keeps doing this it’s gonna end really badly for her.

SuperPets · 15/08/2022 10:40

This is a ridiculous thread from start to finish! Full of armchair experts diagnosing a child on the internet.....

You don't know if the child is ill, or not
You don't know if they have a temperature, or not
You don't know if she has gone or not
You don't know if they have legal custory agreements or not
You don't know anything!

And yet you're all arguing about whether its ok if she goes or if the mother has any right to stop her....so stupid

Christmasiscominghohoho · 15/08/2022 10:41

Do what have you decided OP?

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 10:41

Are you new here @SuperPets

abbs1 · 15/08/2022 10:41

I would keep her home. Theres a nasty bug going round atm.

My DS 2 1/2yrs old vomitted twice the other weekend. No fever and otherwise fine. We thought he'd over eaten. He was fine by Monday morning. Monday noon I started v+d, then Mon PM baby DD started v+d, Monday night DH same. DD ended up in a and e that evening and admitted for 3 days due to constant v+d and dehydration.

If she has stomach bug it could get everyone else sick within days and the holiday would be ruined for everyone.
I hope she feels better soon.

SuperPets · 15/08/2022 10:45

Nothappyatwork · 15/08/2022 10:41

Are you new here @SuperPets

Not at all, but this is stupid even by AIBU standards.

Theres a nasty bug going round atm

Why do people always say this? You're on the internet. People are posting from not only all over the country, but all over the world. WHERE is there a bug going around, ffs?

Scepticalwotsits · 15/08/2022 10:47

SuperPets · 15/08/2022 10:45

Not at all, but this is stupid even by AIBU standards.

Theres a nasty bug going round atm

Why do people always say this? You're on the internet. People are posting from not only all over the country, but all over the world. WHERE is there a bug going around, ffs?

Show quote history

On mumsnets of course…

containsnuts · 15/08/2022 10:49

But also, where is there NOT a nasty bug going around? People get ill all the time.

stillvicarinatutu · 15/08/2022 10:50

badgirlriri

Yes most times bugs are bugs .

But do not ffs me - my son was in hospital for 8 weeks , two operations on the brain to relive pressure, and lost the ability to
Talk, walk, it took 2 years to recover.

It's more likely the ops child has covid .

But it still astounds me that people would drag a poorly child through all the travel , infect a plane full of innocent people. What happens if she takes a turn for the worse while there ? I don't know if you've ever had to go to hospital in a foreign country but it's not much fun .

The child won't be able to swim if it's covid or sickness bug . Someone will have to be with her confined to the room if it's not a flash in the pan illness . Where is the fun in that for anyone ?

A holiday is meant to be a break . Nursing a sick child for a week in a hot country, is not my idea of fun . She's be better off at home if she is unwell.

Festoonlights · 15/08/2022 10:50

No Judge in the land is going to penalise a mother for keeping her two year old child at home if she ill!
If it was a repeated pattern that might different but honestly! The hysteria on here.

Cosycover · 15/08/2022 10:51

If you were taking her on holiday today I bet you'd still go.

NCHammer2022 · 15/08/2022 10:53

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Here with the Dorothy dollops again. Stop trying to make Dorothy dollops happen.

I guess you missed that poster’s apology re the “boiling hot” thing? Suggest you read the thread…

OakTreex · 15/08/2022 11:02

@Festoonlights sadly Festoon they absolutely would and do. Mothers in family court are heavily penalised and abused. I can tell you haven't been through the system which is a bloody great thing.

Father's rights are often put ahead of children's welfare. Men who have abused children and their mothers are awarded contact and if the mother tries to resist, knowing the child is in danger, she is threatened with loss of residency. It happens up and down this country day in day out.

All the dad would have to do is claim the OP was malicious, lying about the child's illness and say the magic words 'parental alienation' and he'd likely be awarded more time, an order that blocks the mother's input on holidays and more.

Sorry but it's the truth, we assume family court is fair. It is not.

OP, I strongly encourage you to seek medical advice if your daughter doesn't go. Take her to the doctor.

If he does take you to court over this out of frustration or anger that his holiday has been 'blocked' you may heavily rely on those medical records.

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