For not pulling my weight

[Starlightstarbrights]

DH and I are currently staying at his parents’ second home, which is in a remote part of a popular tourist destination. Ever since we first got together, we come for a week in August and it’s always just us. We laze around, go down to the beach, go out for dinner or buy something we can shove in the oven and just generally chill.

This year, his parents have been here since the start of July. I don’t know if they discussed it or he simply assumed, but DH thought they would go back home when we arrived, but they’ve haven’t. They’re staying here for our entire stay and we will all head back to our respective homes next week. It genuinely doesn’t bother me that they’re here as I like his parents and I get on well with them. It just means we don’t have the privacy for some intimacy but that’s ok, DC doesn’t spend enough time with paternal grandparents as it is so I’m glad they’re spending that time together.

However, I’m still treating the place as I usually do when we’re on holiday here, which is lazing around, only superficially tidying up after meals and not cooking. We always spend our last day doing a good clean before we leave, which is why I’m not cleaning and we don’t really cook when we stay here, which is why I’m not getting up to cook meals (apart from meals for DC). We’ve had a very stressful and exhausting few months so we needed the downtime, and DH is helping his mum with cooking.

I didn’t see anything wrong with it and DH knows how exhausted I am with DC (been very unwell recently, doesn’t sleep well, very clingy) so he’s happy for me to take it easy. I also don’t think our annual weekly relaxing stay shouldn’t be relaxing because my in laws are now here.

However, I assume MIL must have said something to my SIL, as she text me asking me to help out more, that her mum is getting older and shouldn’t be taking care of us whilst I sit on my arse. I don’t get on with SIL at all, which is why she feels she can text me that. I haven’t responded and don’t plan to but should I be doing more? As I mentioned, DH is helping with the cooking and I am still cleaning up after DC, and the one who is waking up every hour over night. DH doesn’t object at all, and this week away was so overdue I simply don’t want to spend it as though we’re guests.

Why would you not help out a bit? It's everyone's holiday, not just yours.

Ask DH to do more child duties, you can do more household duties and maybe say thank to to PIL for letting you stay for free on multiple occasions? Talk about entitled...

PS: You are guests.

If I was the MIL and this was your reaction to me, I tell you to piss off out of my house and you wouldn't be getting anymore freebies. 😑

Are you cooking any brunches or late dinners? No you are not but you are eating them. DH helped mammy twice to make dinner when she took the lead.

So MIL is doing it all.

Well I wouldn't wipe my face in a week oud towel that I dried my fanny with...would you?

Are you drunk?

We’ve been through this. He cooked by himself twice and he’s helping his mother on other occasions.

OP go out for dinner just as you normally would. Leave the PILs to their routine and follow your own for a day or so.

is MIL cooking for you every night and also cleaning up? If so then that isn’t fair

We’ve been here 5 nights. DH has cooked two dinners and made two breakfasts / brunches. MIL has done the others. She has also served tea and cake throughout the day. She likes it all spotless throughout the day, whereas I simply wipe the counter down, etc and leave it there (because big clean on last day). I don’t bother with bleach, mopping, etc (because big clean on last day). If there’s an obvious big mess on the floor I vacuum / brush it up but I’m not doing it everyday all over the house like I do at home, unless it’s DC’s mess. So I am superficially tidying and cleaning.

I mentioned FIL not because I think it’s unfair but because other posters kept asking about him.

Unlikely. The yeast in the alcohol could have germs

Would you use a week old towel to dry your face with?

How is that a drunk question?

No you are not but you are eating them. DH helped mammy twice to make dinner when she took the lead

@Bubbafly Can you not read?

WHERE are the other occasions? I have asked this question a million times, he is only helping with the cooking when mammy starts it!

@Bubbafly

It’s 2022, not a lot of pubes around.. so that’s one less thing to worry about.

It’s been said previously but it’s nice and clear here.

We’ve been here 5 nights. DH has cooked two dinners and made two breakfasts / brunches. MIL has done the others

So it’s currently 60/40

Not sure what you are getting at here.

The fact that you keep forgetting facts

My mistake. I'll take that, I read it as in he had helped his mother clean.

Goodness - I called that one wrong! 60% think she’s not being unreasonable and I was assuming most people, like me, would think she’s a cheeky and somewhat disrespectful freeloader

It's so hot that not doing a proper clean after every meal would be manky to me. Flies!

Do your share.

The thing is: if MIL had spoken with you, and asked you to do more, I'd say: just try to co-operate; she may have a point, and even if not, unless she's making totally outrageous demands, 'her house, her rules' .

But the SIL sending a text is a different matter. Either MIL is using SIL to complain about/to you, or SIL is spontaneously making mischief.

OP this should have been discussed whrn your arrived and realised they were staying. I would have said how we nornally do our holidays so they weree aware, whereas if you haven't actually told them you do a big vlean at the end then how are they supposed to know?

I'd message her and explain we usually spend this week here alone and I am doing exactly what I would do if we were alone and will do a big clear up before we leave once parents have gone. X

If you are cleaning you should clean everyone's mess not just your children's that is lazy. Your mother in law and husband are not just cooking dinner for themselves they're cooking for everyone. X

Op, I think you are being very inconsiderate (I am leaning towards lazy but will stick to inconsiderate.) You keep talking about this 'big clean' you do at the end. You are failing to realise that many people need a clean house/kitchen to be able to relax and so the big clean at the end is irrelevant - from their point of view, you leave an un-swept floor, a not quite clean counter etc. This would drive me mad and I am pretty laid back - I just like a clean place.

Plans or not, you are now holidaying with another couple - therefore you need to respect them and not holiday as if you were on your own - wash up after all meals, keep counters spotless and basically, respect your hosts!

It's because she mentioned a MIL and a SIL and a husband cooking a whole two meals

It's like a pp said - you're not womaning properly.

Your DH and FIL should be sitting on their fat asses while you (mostly) and your MIL spend your holiday being unpaid 24/7 domestic servants. 🙄

I'd make it absolutely clear to your DH that in the future you won't be going if the in-laws are going to be there.