For not pulling my weight

[Starlightstarbrights]

DH and I are currently staying at his parents’ second home, which is in a remote part of a popular tourist destination. Ever since we first got together, we come for a week in August and it’s always just us. We laze around, go down to the beach, go out for dinner or buy something we can shove in the oven and just generally chill.

This year, his parents have been here since the start of July. I don’t know if they discussed it or he simply assumed, but DH thought they would go back home when we arrived, but they’ve haven’t. They’re staying here for our entire stay and we will all head back to our respective homes next week. It genuinely doesn’t bother me that they’re here as I like his parents and I get on well with them. It just means we don’t have the privacy for some intimacy but that’s ok, DC doesn’t spend enough time with paternal grandparents as it is so I’m glad they’re spending that time together.

However, I’m still treating the place as I usually do when we’re on holiday here, which is lazing around, only superficially tidying up after meals and not cooking. We always spend our last day doing a good clean before we leave, which is why I’m not cleaning and we don’t really cook when we stay here, which is why I’m not getting up to cook meals (apart from meals for DC). We’ve had a very stressful and exhausting few months so we needed the downtime, and DH is helping his mum with cooking.

I didn’t see anything wrong with it and DH knows how exhausted I am with DC (been very unwell recently, doesn’t sleep well, very clingy) so he’s happy for me to take it easy. I also don’t think our annual weekly relaxing stay shouldn’t be relaxing because my in laws are now here.

However, I assume MIL must have said something to my SIL, as she text me asking me to help out more, that her mum is getting older and shouldn’t be taking care of us whilst I sit on my arse. I don’t get on with SIL at all, which is why she feels she can text me that. I haven’t responded and don’t plan to but should I be doing more? As I mentioned, DH is helping with the cooking and I am still cleaning up after DC, and the one who is waking up every hour over night. DH doesn’t object at all, and this week away was so overdue I simply don’t want to spend it as though we’re guests.

No point trying to talk domestic common sense on mn. Daily towel change is unnecessary and wasteful.A clean body that’s been washed with detergent and rinsed doesn’t need a fresh towel daily to dry with
However for some on mn there are daily laundry changes akin with a hotel

it's extremely unhygienic

I've literally never had any medical complaint occasioned from my weekly-washed towel so I reckon I'm good to keep doing what works for me.

I also only really do much housework in general weekly. Admittedly no kids. I'll run the dishwasher, clean up spills etc but dusting, hoovering, cleaning bathrooms, wiping the kitchen and mopping are weekly. House looks clean enough.

@Bubbafly

Well I would say - how?

But that isn’t the point - it’s perfectly normal behaviour, whether you think it’s hygienic or not.

DH is definitely helping out. He’s cooked a couple of evenings and helps his mum with cooking when she’s taking the lead

What else is he doing other than this?

Google it....a week of that? No thanks.

Beyond leaving your towels smelling so fresh and clean, experts say washing them regularly is important for a number of reasons.
It reduces the growth and buildup of bacteria. You only use your towel after scrubbing off in the shower, so it can’t get all that dirty, right? Not so fast. “When you say you wash off bacteria, you’re partially correct—you wash off some bacteria,” says Tierno, PhD. But some bacteria sticks around, and it gets on your towel during your post-shower rubdown. Once that bacteria is on there, it will start to multiply. “It keeps building up as you use the towel again day after day,” says Gerba. In fact, a study led by Gerba found that used hand towels have 1,000 times more coliform bacteria than newly bought ones.
It reduces the risk of infection and acne. “When you use a towel vigorously, you scratch your skin,” says Gerba. Those tiny breaks in the surface of your skin—which are too small to notice—give bacteria an entryway to get in your body, which could result in pimples or, worse, an infection.
It reduces musty odors. When bacteria builds up on your towel, it can start smelling musty or mildewy, and there’s nothing pleasant about that!
It keeps them fluffy and absorbent. Freshly laundered towels work better at absorbing liquid—which, of course, is the whole purpose of a towel!—since the towel fibers have more air between them and aren’t matted down. You’ll also want to know how to choose the right dryer setting, too.

Not having kids makes ALL the difference and also you can do whatever you want or don't want to do in your own home.

I think all posters should be forced to disclose their age and if they are a MIL when posting as I would guess it’s a lot of ‘we were here where it was all fields’ and we now are DGC responders are in the house.

My towels don't smell musty, I have no acne and have never had a bacterial infection enter via my skin.
I've also happily never had to give it a lot of headspace and I plan to go back to that happy state of affairs.

I've known lots of people with rigid ,miserable (for the rest of us) domestic standards and in each case they have had anxiety issues. Well masked in some cases but being Super Domestic created a sense of control in their life. So I'm sympathetic to their need for this but stop bullying the rest of the us to meet them. I'm approaching 60 and a total proud domestic slut....with good health, no infections or major illnesses attributed to using the towel more than 3 times...

But OP is tidying up after DC. So the bit MIL and DH are doing is the non-child related cleaning. Does that make it ok or do you still wish to flagellate OP for not being surgically attached to a mop

She is sitting there and allowing MIL to cook for her and then just cooking for her own kids. It's incredibly rude.

The MIL is obviously upset to have to text her daughter about how things are going. The fact she is upset has to stand for something.

😂 fuck me.

We are designed to live with some bacteria, it keeps our immune systems going. Hang your towel to keep it fresh.

I hope you enjoy your life, but if you untied yourself from the sink and put on some shoes I think you’d enjoy it a lot more, as would the planet, because all the washing and drying is v v bad for it.

You are not pulling your weight and you should help out but it has nothing to do with your SIL. Your FIL can do what he likes - it’s his house and his lack of carrying out chores is between your FIL and MIL and has nothing to do with anyone else

Like I said, live whatever way you want in your own home, that is everyone's prerogative but when you are staying rent free in someone's home you have to pull your weight.

Therein lies the difference.

Is that a pube on your face @Luredbyapomegranate ?

It must have come off your week old smelly towel!

@Bubbafly are we literally degenerating to the point of shouting "bumface" at each other now?

But why is OP the recipient of SIL’s text why not the DH, SIL’s brother? It’s sexism pure and simple. The DH is helping his mother, he’s also cooking by himself. If MIL is unhappy about the division of Labour she can speak to her son.

We are all surrounded by dead skin,skin flora , pathogens and viruses. Skin is not 100% clean. Approximately @3 percent of us are colonised with MRSA without knowing. Your hard surfaces eg door handles, taps, light shades, blinds, towel rail are all covered in pathogens. Unless you practice aespetic techinques at home and wash in hibiscrub your exposed to germs. And it’s really no big deal unless your immunosuppressed or in recovery from an illness,

Sounds like life's a perpetual holiday for FIL 😂.

It sounds like you are already doing quite a lot.

We probably need some info though - is MIL cooking for you every night and also cleaning up? If so then that isn’t fair.

Are you leaving the house an absolute tip?

The dynamic is totally different when you go on holiday with other people. It just isn’t the same I don’t think.

You might need to accept that it’s not the holiday you thought it would be and learn for next year.

I have to say, part of me would want to go home after this.

WHERE is he helping his Mother, I can only see cooking mentioned?

I agree that DH should have got the exact same text from SIL.

And in relation to the towel hysteria…we wash out towels once per week at home…more if visibly dirty.

She is sitting there and allowing MIL to cook for her and then just cooking for her own kids. It's incredibly rude

I cook for DC only because they need 3 meals a day whereas with PIL, we have a light brunch and then one late dinner. Because they’re here with us, our plans have changed. They don’t want to be going out for meals, they want to stay in. So rather than DH and I doing what we want, we are now on their timetable and their plans.

There was no discussion that we would be here together. We have never been here together. They spend a total of maybe two months a year here, and have never been here at the same time. So it’s not like we stop them from using it or take over. It’s empty for most of the year apart from when DH and I use it for one week a year, as well as other family members. For some reason, they just decided to stay when we were here. DH never really discussed it because we never have joint holidays.

We have no issue paying for a holiday at all. This spot and this house is simply very special for DH.

Well I wouldn't wipe my face in a week oud towel that I dried my fanny with...would you?

Seriously beyond cooking what else is there to do housekeeping wise on holiday? Superficial cleans of the kitchen, stacking and unloading dishwashers, opening bottles of wine.

What epic housekeeping tasks are needed?