To think this is hell?

[TimeAtTheBar]

I have posted variously about my job, sorry. This is a bit of a vent and I am taking steps.

I worked Friday 17:00-03:00 (10hrs)
Yesterday 15;00-03:00 (12hrs)
Today 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
Tomorrow 08:00/;18;00 (10hrs)
Tuesdsy 09:00-17;00 (8hrs)
Weds 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
thirsday 09:00:18:00( 9hrs)

I’ve had about four hours sleep and I feel sick at the thought of my week. This is not unusual but I don’t often do both 3am finishes which has compounded it. I honestly feel like walking out right now but obvs can’t do that.

I think I’m just after a bit of sympathy, or maybe the wisdom of MN will tell me to suck it up? I’m in bed still, slightly shaky at the thought of getting up and in the shower. I also have a million things to do today, Sunday and Monday are stock and orders so not a gentle day. I earn £10.45 an hour in case anyone wonders.

You're going to have to have cut your expenses op. Because you need to stop. You're making yourself ill and you know it.

I refuse to believe that you NEED this huge amount of money to live on and you couldn't potentially cope with less.

Get signed off. Get some rest. Sit down with your husband and work it out.

Something has to change. You are in the good position that you get to decide what that is. Don’t go round in ominous circles. Just decide then act. Good luck.

There's a thing called "constructive dismissal", where if your employer breaches the terms of your contract you can resign and sue them. Not allowing you to take breaks, and holding a disciplinary meeting when you did try to take the break you are legally and contractually entitled to, should come under that.

You can also claim constructive dismissal if you are bullied or treated unfaily due to whistleblowing, and of course if you are sacked for whistleblowing you could take them to an employment tribunal.

OMG just clocked this. I was part time in hospitality management. One job my friend boss collapsed at charity event for a company 29 her heart was fucked. She's now on disability.

Second job my boss friend collapsed at a charity outdoor event she was the organiser 34 years old ambulance blue lights cardio myopathy her heart was working at 25,% .

Both are still alive but on a cocktail of drugs, diet management. They can't get pregnant too risky.

Stop overpaying the mortgage.

So what would be your monthly income without your wage and his overtime? More than enough to live on I expect

We had this two at university one baby. Suggest you play the system quit working your university application would then reflect a lesser wage. As for your wonderful home it's not yours until you pay off the mortgage

While this is all factually correct I wouldn't recommend this course of action given how stressful and lengthy the tribunal process is, especially for someone with a mental health condition who has had a breakdown in the past.

I have applied for other jobs

Very wise, OP; it was no surprise to learn this is in hospitality, but the hours you're actually doing - as opposed to what you're contracted for - aren't sustainable in ANY industry

I realise the sector's on its knees, but you really don't have to make their problems yours

According to your Op, you’re meant to be at work now?!

How long has it been like this?

Is the company really struggling or are they taking advantage of you?

What’s your manager like?

I don’t drive (bipolar, not allowed) so I have to be within a bus or walk distance.

I have a diagnosis of bipolar, which is declared to DVLA. I also have a current driving licence. When I first declared, I was given a 1 yr licence after DVLA had got medical reports. Now I have a 3 yr licence.

AFAIK all the DVLA wanted was to know I was not depressive (suicide risk) or hypomanic (delusion risk). It took ages to get med reports, but DVLA kept me informed and I helped them chase up the report. Same thing will happen when licence up for renewal, but so long as I have submitted a form to the DVLA, and been advised by a HCP that I am fit to drive, the old licence can overrun so I remain licensed.

I am!

Op

Your DH is in a full time senior job bringing in almost 3x what you are
He doing 90% of parenting
100% housework

Firstly - he risks losing his job at this rate
Secondly - as tough as this is for you, I suspect more so for him.

So cut back hours to contracted and aggressively look for an alternative

they sound desperate though, so I’d leverage that and reduce hours further than contracted whilst you are job hunting

But suspect you will come back with no no no

OP, I'm wondering if because you have bipolar and have had a breakdown before, you are minimising your own feelings. Feeling suicidal before work is not at all ok. It's not how you should be feeling.

Your responses on here seem like you expect everyone to tell you to just suck it up and deal with it. But everybody has told you to find a way out of your work situation. Which shows you that the majority of people wouldn't put up with it.

You really have three options here. 1) Carry on as you are, deal with it and potentially have another breakdown/suicide attempt. 2) Have a serious and firm discussion with your superiors at work about changing your shifts, and refuse to accept no for an answer. 3) Quit and find a way to make your finances work with your husband whilst you get a new job. If he knew you were thinking suicidal thoughts before work, wouldn't he want to do anything possible to make it better?

I also get the impression you are still paying a lot for your adult children. When I was at uni and still lived at home with my parents, they expected me to contribute to the household. I paid them monthly rent (a low amount, but it still helped them pay bills), and bought food and ran my own car, by using my student loans and working a part time job.

I know when you have big bills and a huge mortgage it seems impossible to make changes, but I think you have to try, somehow.

You need to be very careful of your bipolar, working this hard to exhaustion levels will make managing your health harder.

Secondly, there is a worker shortage at the moment! You are in a good place to take a short break to find something else. Don’t overpay this month and use that money to take some time off. Hand your notice in to coincide with your paid leave to reduce the impact.

Then look for work elsewhere, you are obviously competent and hard working so you will find something.

Think of it this way: take some planned time off now or have another breakdown and unexpected 4 years off again due to ill health.

It says 400pm for energy

The £400 was her energy cost not her mortgage

What are you on about? She said her ENERGY costs were £400/month, not her mortgage payment. Her mortgage payment is probably nearer 2.5k/month!

My sil earns circa £50k has a £300k mortgage £400pcm energy bill, 2 kids in primary school and my dd (his wife) works pt. They have 2 cars and can afford food, clothes and the odd day out. I have no idea how you struggle on £90k plus your £27k. Have you tried one of those budget management things, to work out why you're struggling? On paper it sounds like you should be able to manage without your wage. I'd be looking for another job closer to home with less hours, or at least non shift work. I used to do nights and it's really unhealthy. Sounds like you're wrung out

Use the time you’re spending on this thread to job hunt

It's a shame you've been overpaying the mortgage rather than saving so that you'd have a buffer in the event your DH's overtime ended and/or you quit your job.

It does sound like you've catastrophised the situation in your head into two impossible choices, either:

1. You keep working yourself into the ground so that you can afford your outgoings just in case your DH's overtime ends, or
2. You quit, DH's overtime does end, you're out on the street.

In reality these scenarios are two extremes. The sensible solution will be somewhere in the middle:
You quit
You take a calculated risk that DH's overtime isn't going to end tomorrow
You work out how many months' savings you have and how much of your outgoings you can reduce to give yourself a time period to seriously job hunt

And in your extreme catastrophic scenario 2, if your current work is so desperate for staff, if you quit and the worst does happen with your income and job hunt, your current work would presumably have you back!!

I know asked MN to remove 🙈

You missed the most important detail

location

It's not so easy when you don't drive