To think this is hell?

[TimeAtTheBar]

I have posted variously about my job, sorry. This is a bit of a vent and I am taking steps.

I worked Friday 17:00-03:00 (10hrs)
Yesterday 15;00-03:00 (12hrs)
Today 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
Tomorrow 08:00/;18;00 (10hrs)
Tuesdsy 09:00-17;00 (8hrs)
Weds 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
thirsday 09:00:18:00( 9hrs)

I’ve had about four hours sleep and I feel sick at the thought of my week. This is not unusual but I don’t often do both 3am finishes which has compounded it. I honestly feel like walking out right now but obvs can’t do that.

I think I’m just after a bit of sympathy, or maybe the wisdom of MN will tell me to suck it up? I’m in bed still, slightly shaky at the thought of getting up and in the shower. I also have a million things to do today, Sunday and Monday are stock and orders so not a gentle day. I earn £10.45 an hour in case anyone wonders.

Resign. Overpaying your mortgage is not worth this. Hospitality is crying out for new employees. You’ll find something else but on these hours and particularly with bpd you’re risking illness.

Reduce your hours or join an agency and do zero hour work, that way you can choose the work you’re willing to do from what’s available.

While people keep working themselves to death, management / owners will let them. Go back to bar work where someone else carries the can. Get a cheaper house. If your kids will be at Uni they won't need their rooms. Do they HAVE to go to Uni? Not saying they shouldn't, just, are they talented or is it just for a degree? Takes forever to pay everything off, these days. :-(

My son is similar. He doesn't work until 3am but works in a luxury Gym and does crazy hours. They can't recruit so just ends up doing it all himself.

I have bipolar

I had a massive breakdown in my last career (sales) and took four years out after a suicide attempt

My love, with the greatest respect, stop overpaying your mortgage. This work pattern is seriously damaging to your mental health (and physical too, you are working towards a TIA or stroke at least).

Encourage your children to find better paid jobs and contribute more. Downsize. Nothing is worth you working yourself into an early grave.

Stop overpaying your mortgage. Get out of that job now. You will breaking point and that’s no light matter. You’re already almost there.

Sign up for agency work, or pick up some shifts at Wetherspoons/whatever. Honestly you need to prioritise yourself, your health and the long-term wellbeing of your family.

I’m really confused why your family is barely managing on 117,000
There is something really really wrong with your bills/ spending.

Perhaps start there

PS: I speak from experience. My Dad did this, had a stroke and died aged 44. He had £300 left on the mortgage when he died. This was mid 80s.

You have one child and two adults with jobs
So I’m still baffled that you “can’t” survive on any less than 90k
People with triple the kids survive on less than a third of that
So if you aren’t willing to make any cutbacks then complaining won’t achieve anything … until you have a complete breakdown and are physically unable to work, bet you’ll be able to survive on that wage then

Ah, so you’ve already had a breakdown. So you know the severity of what that means.

Can your family survive another one (never mind you - you’re just as important of course but I’m trying to get you to see that this isn’t just for your sake. It’s for everyone)? Do you think your husband and children will be able to cope? If you can’t prioritise your own health and well-being, think of your family unit as a whole.

Why are you killing yourself for a job that would replace you within a week if you died?

Stop over-paying the mortgage. It’s a nice goal to have to be mortgage-free sooner but at this rate you’ll be dead before then. If your husband is seriously making £90,000 a year (with or without overtime) then you can afford to live on his salary alone. Your older children should be working alongside their studies to cover their needs. They are adults. Most people work through their university days. Many have no option but to work. If you really need your income, find another job.

I would be seeking advice from an employment lawyer.

What will you do when you have a nervous breakdown or you become physically disabled? Because that’s what will happen. Then you won’t be able to work at all.

You must have very low self esteem if you think so little of yourself that you won’t allow yourself any days off. A normal job is 40 hours and in my opinion even that is crazy. You’re a slave at the moment and you’re teaching your children to not take care of themselves. Sorry if that’s harsh but I’m trying to get you to see sense!

So wind it back a minute here, you are putting your adult children through this too? When you say adult - you said two going to uni - so they are what like 18 and you are showing them this is what people actually do? I was initially thinking this person must be terribly hard up but I think its just terribly irresponsible. Where on earth do you live? I thought staff were in short supply at the moment so surely you could get something else. As one poster said earlier "martyrdom" ...!

constrructive dimissal you shold have walked out when they gave yu a displinary for having a break theyd be destropyed in court

get some advice

Shift leaders at Wetherspoons earn £11.45/hour round here. Im sure its just as crap but you wouldn't be doing as long hours, and they're much stricter about breaks between shifts.

Exhausting yourself to the point of illness and suicide just to over-pay your mortgage is truly stupid, sorry. You say your DH didn't always earn like this, so how did you live before he got this massive project?

I do understand the desire to live up to the current salary, but when you're a contractor, you CANT do that. My exH was an IT contractor, very well-paid when he was working but with no stability of income AT ALL. He spent it as if it was a constant income, though, and it was awful. I never felt secure in the 12 years he was doing it while we were together. I used to go to Aldi and hold my breath when i put my PIN in at the checkout. Sometimes there was £5k in the current account, sometimes there was nothing. So, i do understand the issues around money here, but you both need to sort something out before one of you gets seriously ill.
.

How much is your overpayment on the mortgage, per month?

How much are the bills you rely on your wage for?

How much do you spend on food/groceries/takeaways/etc?

I very much doubt that you’re actually trapped - if you had a breakdown tomorrow (and you’re headed that way!) the household would simply have to do without that money.

Wtf, just quit. You get one life. I can’t understand how you’re skint when your husband earns a huge sum.

I quit that shit industry during the pandemic and quit a few other jobs afterwards that didn’t serve me, now WFH.

He’s not a contractor. His basic salary plus my earnings gives us enough to pay the bills plus a bit extra. The overtime is unstable so it goes on the mortgage (some for fun stuff tbh). I really should have just said his income is £60k as that’s all we can rely on.

So we are servicing a near £400k mortgage, £400pm energy, three kids and all the other costs on shy of £87k really. It may sound huge but it doesn’t go that far.

Go to a temp agency and find a 9-5 office job to start next week. Yes, you wont earn as much money, but on the other hand, you wont be on the verge of topping yourself either.

This is a crisis. Agree with all the PP saying STOP OVERPAYING THE MORTGAGE - you really don't need to do this right now. You are choosing to overpay the mortgage instead of your health and wellbeing.

You say you'll be paying your mortgage into your 60s, so what? It's more important to be well into your 60s and you won't be with what you're currently doing.

What are you a slave ?

Right, so we stop overpaying the mortgage. I quit my job and can’t find another one. DHs office tell him tommorrow morning no more £1500+ per month overtime. Then what?

Seriously stop overpaying the mortgage and reduce your ‘fun’ money. Just for now. This is no way to live and you need to look after yourself.

What good is fun money if you’re feeling sick, suicidal and having to drink to be okay with working??

These are all maybes. What if that DOESN'T happen? Is there any reason to think the overtime for DH will dry up suddenly?

What about you have a breakdown and can't work and your DH loses his job because he's so distracted by you being so ill? That seems more likely given what you've said.

You could ask your GP to sign you off with stress for a week or so which will mean you still get paid for a period while you have time to apply for other jobs.