To think this is hell?

[TimeAtTheBar]

I have posted variously about my job, sorry. This is a bit of a vent and I am taking steps.

I worked Friday 17:00-03:00 (10hrs)
Yesterday 15;00-03:00 (12hrs)
Today 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
Tomorrow 08:00/;18;00 (10hrs)
Tuesdsy 09:00-17;00 (8hrs)
Weds 12:00-23:00 (11hrs)
thirsday 09:00:18:00( 9hrs)

I’ve had about four hours sleep and I feel sick at the thought of my week. This is not unusual but I don’t often do both 3am finishes which has compounded it. I honestly feel like walking out right now but obvs can’t do that.

I think I’m just after a bit of sympathy, or maybe the wisdom of MN will tell me to suck it up? I’m in bed still, slightly shaky at the thought of getting up and in the shower. I also have a million things to do today, Sunday and Monday are stock and orders so not a gentle day. I earn £10.45 an hour in case anyone wonders.

*rest breaks

So about 30k of dhs salary is overtime and won’t last forever (he works project to project and the current one is over a year overdue, he’s been working 50hr weeks for the last two years) so while it’s nice to have it’s not a real reflection of our situation. It’s currently overpaying the mortgage.

I look at our life; great house, amazing kids, two gorgeous dogs and think wow this is lovely; I wish we had some time to enjoy it.

Having spent my twenties in grinding poverty but pretty chilled this all seems totally backwards.

As PP have said, I don't think this is even legal! Are you in a union, or could you join one?

I’m genuinely a little bit suicidal this morning. Lack of sleep and the pressure I’m under is making me very wobbly. It’ll pass, I have bipolar so this is not a new feeling.

I have a week off booked in a month where I plan to do nothing.

Im not even sure what a union would achieve other than making me a pariah with the owners.

71 hrs a week?
I do 35 hrs, full time and I'm exhausted, your shift patterns would put me in an early grave.
Can you look for another job

I look at our life; great house, amazing kids, two gorgeous dogs and think wow this is lovely; I wish we had some time to enjoy it

Your hours are awful and it’s no wonder you’re exhausted. But, is it not a balance? Your DH is earning an excellent salary and even if it drops by 20 or 30k, it’s still very good. I understand what you’re saying about keeping up your lifestyle, but it sounds like you’ve got a bit trapped on the treadmill. There’s no point having an amazing lifestyle on paper if you can’t actually enjoy it, as you’ve said above.

I am looking!

One rejection for a same level job but a 39hr contract on £32k this morning, which I think has tipped me over, didn’t even get an interview. There were literally three suitable jobs in town. I don’t drive (bipolar, not allowed) so I have to be within a bus or walk distance.

I might just start from scratch and go back to bar work. Tbh I would probably get the same hourly rate in Wetherspoons but I don’t think the conditions would be any better.

I dont really understand Op

Firstly those shifts are not legal. You can't be made to opt out of the WTD, and you still need to have at least 11 hrs between shifts. You cannot be made to work that shift pattern

Secondly you are at the point where you feel suicidal about your working hours, you earn barely more than minimum wage. Call in sick because you haven't had enough sleep today, and you feel suicidal and then quit. You will find another minimum wage job soon enough

Stop martyring yourself. You do not have to do these shifts. You have a joint income of over 100k right now. However much you tell yourself you cant make cutbacks you will be able to, and you must have some level of savings. You will find another job so it's not forever.

I know it sounds stupid. I’m probably not thinking very clearly right now either.

I’ve called in late, rather than sick. But that just means I have less time there to get all the shit I need to do done today. I have to count everything in the building, write a detailed report, work out the par stock and order accordingly, all while dealing with customers because I only have one front of house team today. I feel like throwing up if I’m honest.

As you clearly know, this isn't sustainable because it is quite honestly making you ill.

I know it's easier said than done but I would take any old job right now. Just to save your sanity.

You're overpaying the mortgage but have too many bills?

Stop overpaying the mortgage and quit.

Our basic income minus DH’s overtime just covers our bills and a bit for spending (I’m talking £200 a month each so not extravagant). That’s without having to top up Uni costs as well.

The overtime could literally finish tomorrow with no notice so while we sometimes use it for extras, it mostly goes into the mortgage. We will be paying it into our 60s currently so really are trying to pay it down before then

…if I quit and DHs overtime ended we’d be £1700 down every month.

What happens if you don't do all those things?

What can you pass down to team members to deal with? Counting for a start sounds like something someone else could be doing? If there are no team members in, can you request additional help? Are either of your kids available to come in on short notice?

With fewer people in at work, the head office has to accept that less will be done. If you cover the missing roles it looks like you are coping as a business unit but the cost of that is your own mental health. It's too high a price for you to pay.

You are right. This situation can't continue and you need to prioritise yourself and your mental health. With your symptoms your GP would sign you off work for stress.

If you were hit by a bus, they'd replace you. You aren't indispensable; no-one is, but you're so ground down by the situation that you're taking responsibility for their fuck ups and trying to mitigate the issue by working harder (illegal shifts and not enough staff - definitely a management fuck-up).

It's not ok that they're doing this to you. Leave the job before it finishes you off. Everything else can be sorted out, and whatever mess the workplace ends up in is NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

If you were my friend, I would be shaking you right now and telling you to woman up and quit.

You can’t survive on 90k with one child?!
Come off it OP you’re being ridiculous

Not even sure why you posted as you’re clearly not willing to take on any of the advice people are giving you

I know it’s nuts. I used to have a team member to count with me but HO hatcheted the rota and said it’s a one man job. So I do it over two days.

It used to be that as managers we could manage; with a team to do the customer based work. But now we’re expected to do our work and serve customers. It’s insane, and our workload is mental. Still, at least the team have stopped moaning that we sit in the office all day doing nothing 🤦🏻‍♀️

I know from bitter experience that if you don’t change something very soon, your body will just say no, you will get sick and will be forced to take time off without any control over it. Im sure you know this, and I’m not trying to be patronising but it’s extremely unwise to trade your health for a nice house. Without your health, pretty much everything becomes challenging.

And prospective employers aren’t stupid - they can spot burnt out people at 20 paces, and you wont get another job in your current state. The hospitality industry is going to implode soon anyway and you need a strategy for how you are going to navigate the future. Get signed off sick, recover your energy, give your DP a bit of support around the home to free him up and together have a hard think about what to do next.

We have three children. One at Uni and one about to go. Plus one in the last year of primary.

Somewhat ironically I had a massive breakdown in my last career (sales) and took four years out after a suicide attempt. I’ve fallen into a new career after initially taking on a few bar shifts…I’m naturally a bit of a workaholic and I know it’s my own fault but now I feel trapped.

OP I do feel for you, this would push me over the edge. Have you asked your employers about the 11 hour gap between shifts? My DH works 10 hour night shifts and his workplace take that rule very seriously, if they do overtime in the morning they then have to come in later the next evening. Surely they’re not just ignoring this?

Take a look at your OG today.There is no way you wont be able to cut back surely? Your life is out of kilter ATM .If you are so worried about your mortgage maybe think about downsizing or doing an equity release. You will be ill with these hours!

Wrong as it may be, lots of employers in retail and hospitality take the piss and ignore the law - I worked in retail for three years, and my supervisor laughed at me when I pointed out out there should be 11 hours between shifts. Someone I knew did two 9 hour shifts back to back, others worked 14+ days in a row, there were unsafe working conditions (particularly on the loading bay). DH worked there as well, had to go through occupational health, the 'reasonable adjustment' was having his contracted break and he was told they couldn't guarantee that...

I quit as it was destroying my mental health.

You need to find something else.

You have a child in primary so under 11 years old and you have bipolar and doing this? Absolutely ridiculous. I have bipolar and it is very fucking important not to risk an episode when there are young children around. Overpaying the mortgage is not as important as keeping your kids well. Seeing their mum lose her absolute shit is not keeping a child well.