AIBU to be annoyed the in-laws are unable to attend our sons first birthday?

[Sophie9090]

Hi

I feel a little annoyed but I am unsure if I’m being unreasonable. Our sons birthday is early November, I was trying to plan a party with my family and my husbands (we both have big family’s)

We asked my DH family if they would be able to attend, they all said they couldn’t make it for different reasons. They all live approx 1 hour 30 mins a away, most of them don’t drive, however there are train services, and most of them
would be able to car share.

They have never once came to visit us, we have always drove to them. I just feel they could make the effort to travel this one time, my DH is upset with them but I’m trying not to make him feel bad so I’m playing it down, however I feel it’s so selfish and I just don’t want to make to effort to see them.

Should I just let it go?

thanks

The party has been and gone!

If it was just the party I would say YABU. It's the fact they never visit (which tbh is a blessing most likely!) means YANBU.

Don’t worry OP.
People love to be contrary on here - in the real world most people have 1st birthday gatherings for their kids and close relatives attend unless they have unavoidable other commitments.
they also see their families regularly.
obviously there are some families where people are abusive or just selfish arseholes but people normally know if their family are like this.
I feel sorry for your husband as it’s clear that his family don’t give a crap about him or his child.
like others posters said, enjoy your little family and your own parents and don’t worry about them. It’s their loss.

In the real world, people who make a fuss over a child's first birthday are usually the frivolous wealthy. Or people who are just plain frivolous with their money and overly concerned with appearances.

My family is very close and loving, but also largely working-class and down-to-earth. We don't measure love by how much money we got someone to spend on a gift or how far we got someone to travel for a holiday. A few pictures are taken, but we don't film every moment because we're busy enjoying the festivities and not so pretentious and up our own behinds that we think anyone would want to actually watch baby's-first-whatever. (Especially not the kids themselves; if they have their way, they'll probably destroy any and all tape at the first opportunity! 😄)

It's not "abuse" for people to not see the point of a big party for a one-year-old, and implying so is incredibly trivializing of actual abuse and insulting to actual abuse victims.

The only "miracle baby" worth travelling over a long distance to see was born and died over 2000 years ago. And even then, I'll bet there were relatives of Mary and Joseph who were like, "you know what, it's an awfully long slog even without the plague and the levies and all, we'll just send a card and some matzah for little Yeshua XO"

NaomiGoldman

is this quote in reference to my post?

‘It's not "abuse" for people to not see the point of a big party for a one-year-old, and implying so is incredibly trivializing of actual abuse and insulting to actual abuse victims.’

@Sophie9090, what you're really saying is that this isn't just about the birthday. You have extended yourself and embraced them by going to see them and you would like them to do the same. You know, deep down, that your kid won't remember this birthday, but this is just an example of how they don't treat you as well as you treat them. You feel like you two are doing all the work to maintain the relationship and they have NEVER come to see you, which makes things feel very one-sided. I get it and I understand. Does his family travel to the homes of other people? if so, you aren't being unreasonable, but continue to invite them to things and go to their events only if you feel like it. Sometimes people get stuck in their ways. Don't take it personally unless they visit other people who live as far away as you do and still won't come to see you.

I would also take the direct approach. ASK them why they never come to see you! Sometimes the direct approach gets you the answer you need! TRY IT!

What actually happens at a one year old's birthday party?