to be sick to death of people thinking they have to tell me how awfully painful childbirth is?

[betterhalf]

I am now 39+3 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and people just delight in telling me the horrors of childbirth! Today I had someone who knows my Mum say 'Has anyone explained to you how terribly painful it will be for you?'
Well, thanks for that love, you've really cheered me up! I was feeling nice and calm about the impending birth, knowing I will have pain but feeling confident I can cope, and now my confidence has been shot! Grrrrr

betterhlaf - I think it is part of being a club of women who have given birth. Of course, however bad it was for any of them, the ones telling you (at least!) clearly survived, and the majority probably then went on and did it more than once. Lots of people don't find birth especially hard - but that doesn't get talked of nearly so much.

The biggest sports stadium crowd in the world are all pepoel who were given birth to.

I didn't actually find it particularly painful at all - and I got to 28 hours labour and 3.5 hours pushing. Then it seemed as if ventouse with me on my back was going to hurt - so I had an epidural and felt no pain at all.

Haven't has time to read the whole thread but just wanted to say I did it for the first time 10 weeks ago.

I'd be lying to say you don't feel a thing but it is not intolerable pain (maybe I was lucky) It is definitely within our limits to cope with it - and if not, then you can have an epidural! Also I found the pushing stage (which went on a bit for me 2 hrs) wasn't painful it felt like I was trying to push out the biggest poo of my life!

I coped through 36 hrs of labour with a bit of gas and air. What is helpful it to just accept that you're not in control but also don't have to be - your body knows what to do - each contraction is doing something positive and bringing you closer to seeing your baby.

The other thing is that within hours you can't remember how much or if it hurt. The mind is a wonderful thing.

People don't expect positive labour stories - they expect tales of gore and woe. I've been told "yours must have been easy then". Not sure if it was, went on for a day and a half, got no sleep, tore at the end and needed stitches - but all fairly normal I think and I'd definitely do it again.

Good luck and enjoy yr new lo

Echo silkcushion - I think that childbirth was such a taboo for such a long time that now people positively relish telling you how horrific it is. I had my first with gas and air, my second was an unattended home birth and in both cases, I coped because I had to. The pain is bad (although personally I found the cramps I was getting in the back of my calves during the night more intense) but it is bearable, especially if the labour is fairly short.

Try not to worry - it will be the way it will be and, apart from staying fairly fit there is nothing you can do to influence it particularly but, ultimately, it is just a few hours long. Grit your teeth, find a position that is less uncomfortable than anything else (ignore anyone who tells you to lie down or sit back) and ask for pain relief if you feel you need it. I am now pregnant with my third so, obviously no lasting psychological or physical scars.

Once your baby is born people will be quite disappointed to hear that you didn't have to have your pelvis removed to give birth/end up deafening midwife with your screams/lose most of your body weight in post-partum haemmorage. The next round of horror stories will be how your tits never recover from breastfeeding and you lose all semblance of a pelvic floor and wee every time you blow your nose (neither true in my case).

Good luck

I once upset a colleague by telling her childbirth would hurt but keep going because it will be worth it in the end. I don't think it's helpful to be told otherwise. But since my colleague had same reaction to you, I'm sensitive to that and keep my mouth shut unless someone asks specifically. I just hope first-time Mums don't think they're having an unusually tough time when if they do find it particularly painful. My main advice would be to keep your mind open to pain relief options and don't try to be a hero. I hope it is relatively painless for you, good luck and look forward to reading the birth announcement!

its so annoying and horrible of people to tell a pregnant ladie how painful labour is, granted, it doesnt tickle, but u get through it coz u know at the end u are gonna have a lovely little baby, look at it this way, if the pain where that bad, people wouldnt go back for seconds, thirds even fourths and fifths

the best advice i would give is dont fight your body, go with it, and when u wee afterwards, hold some wet tissue against yourself

As I've mentioned, it's not the fact people are telling me it's going to be painful ( although why they would think I wouldn't have worked that out by week 39 I don't know!), but its the gory, detailed, graphic descriptions you get with it that drive me mad! I feel like saying 'If it was that flipping traumatic for you, get counselling, don't unburden it on me!!'

tbh their storys probably have loadsa extra bits added on, yes it hurts, no it isnt unbearable and yes u will have a beautiful baba to cuddle at the end

Would you like the contrary view - it's not all that painful. I managed without any pain relief 2nd time round. Just go with it. Make sure you get plenty of paracetamol for afterwards though!

Childbirth itself not necessarily painful - and I've had three.

when pregnant with my first i was told many tales of horror, couldnt believe it would possibly be that bad (i mean you can have drugs) and that i would never be one of those women who fill in people on every intimate detail of the nbirth. how wrong i was! turns out it is very possible to be perfectly happy to gab on about the head crowning for 30 mins without even realising it. labour does hurt but it isnt nice for people to tell you constantly that its agonising, just tell them you'll deal with it and it'll be fine

I worked alongside a woman who (each and every day) insisted on telling how bad her experience of childbirth was (fair enough, she nearly died as she lost so much blood) but it was hardly a typical example of what most women go through!!! In the end, I was overdue and went into the hospital to be started and told by the midwife that my dd was breech and I had to have a section....not one single contraction and I had such an easy time of it!!!

Just goes to show that no 2 people, or pregnancies, are the same! Good luck!

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I was bitterly disappointed that it seemed that my body failed me [I won't go into details obviously but it was very long and stressful and ended in emergency c section!] I had been going to NCT classes where you were told that you could do it naturally, it was all within your power and you didn't need painkillers, etc. So the let down was huge and i felt i had failed. Of course many women have positive births, probably the majority, but I think it is important to be prepared for all outcomes mentally, and not to feel a failure if it does not work out as planned. I mean i have a beautiful boy at the end of it so it was all worth it. Of course people should be more sensitive with lurid detail around pregnant women, but one shouldn't be cocooned in fantasy land either.

Bloody stupid people telling us Amazing, Strong and Vibrant pregnant women over and over - these silly scare stories. For every 1 not so good birth there must be about 100 absolutely fine births - but no one wants to talk about those, do they?!! I'm looking at giving birth in about 8 / 9 weeks if the EDD is to be believed and I've been mercilessly rude to anyone who has attempted to share a horror story with me. And I don't care if they are offended - I simply do not want to know!

I wish you every happiness as a new Mum and send you my love and happy thoughts. According to my yoga teacher - you cam just breath them out (and she is so tiny I find it hard to believe anything baby - like came out of her!!!)

My labour was long - 21 hours - but I honastly found it ok, I had gas and air and a couple of pethadines shots which were fantastic. I had two brilliant midwives (one was a student) and my husband there which I found to be a great help. I was also terrified of how painful it was going to be and wouldn't speak to anyone about it because I didn't want the horror stories but it was fine. I don't want to scare you but I found the pushing part the most painful bit but I'm the only one I know who thinks this! After the birth my first midwife (because of the shifts) asked me if I'd do it again and I said yes and that was an hour after just having done it and when its all very fresh in your mind.

Good luck, you'll be fine because one way or another your baby is going to come out.

betterhalf, you see before you have a Baby everyone seems to really enjoy telling you just how terrible it all is....after you had your Baby, and should you dare to have found it painful, people (often the same ones) will enjoy just as much telling you that they had perfect and painless labour ....

Just ignore the stories, go open minded into and just wait and see what you make of it!

BTW. I had 3 very different labours, 1 painful but fine, 1 quite little pain all in all and superfine and 1 very painful labour which wasn't fine at all...it depends on soo soo many different things how you experience it all

I think you are being rather rude and sanctimonious Johnsie , but there you are. I agree it can be annoying when these people go on in detail, but they are not bloody stupid, they have just been through a rough time themselves and have been mistaken about where to share it.

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I can understand how frustrating it must be to have random women telling you their birth stories when you are about to do it yourself for the first time. Personally, I don't go there with expectant first timers. They're too fraught and sensitive. I'm too world weary and blatant with my descriptions of . However, I do take exception at all these 'antenatal experts', yoga teachers and the like that pedal some idea of childbirth as an 'experience'. Good breathing techniques can help you to bear with the pain and not freak out, but childbirth is painful, it's pretty scary in parts, and to pretend anything else is quackery.

You can just breath them out?? By the time it comes to pushing, you no longer give a shit. For most of us, it's the contractions that hurt. No amount of yoga will prepare you for that.

Johnsie, is your yoga teacher a bloke?

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"By the time it comes to pushing, you no longer give a shit." Ah. Well. That bit's another story. You may not mean to...