Man stalking woman, excused by saying he must be autistic..

[AutismIsStigmatised]

I came across this video on TikTok today, I'll post the link below but in summary an unknown man posed as an amazon delivery person to get access to a block of flats this woman lives in. He was behaving strangely and wanted to give her a 'gift' which was some sort of cup / candle holder. She confronted him and he left, then came back up again, left again then came back up a third time with his hood up as though he was about to do something sinister. Very bloody creepy.

vm.tiktok.com/ZMNsQfG2W/

The comments are littered with people saying that he's 'clearly autistic'

Take a look and tell me what you think but as the parent of an autistic boy (and wife of an autistic adult) it really upsets me when people assume scary/criminal behaviour is due to autism. I know many people with autism and not one has ever behaved like that..

Yeah sure that totally makes sticking hand down women's top fine. Absolutely.

Because the autistic guy on the train, based on what that poster said, genuinely thought he was making a friend, not harassing anyone. He believed that because of his autism. No, it doesn't mean she should tolerate it as it makes her uncomfortable but it means as I've said numerous times that I feel bad for both the vulnerable woman and the vulnerable man.

You can feel bad for both without chastising people for describing behaviour as creepy when it feels creepy to them if they're the recipient.

You can't gatekeep the concept of feeling bad for people or imply that you're the only person who can have empathy for more than one person.

Many (almost all) of us would feel bad for both, but not expect a woman to feel any less victimised / harassed / unsettled whether unwanted behaviour comes from someone disabled or not disabled.

Whether or not that's what you're meaning, it's how it's coming across and multiple people have read your messages that way.

The ones who act like the one in this video, yes.

And of course in that situation (looked at objectively) the person with autism is being harassed and falsely accused. However, in this context, the man is not being falsely accused.

It’s not relevant to this situation in the same sense that coming onto a rape thread to say ‘oh but my friend was accused of a rape he didn’t do’ would be irrelevant.

Hang on are you saying if someone who is autistic rapes children then they should be labelled ‘autistic’ rather than ‘sex offender’?

That means you’d support the man the PP was talking about because apparently he is autistic

As I've said, I have a severely autistic little boy who lashes out during meltdowns. So, I have a lot of experience of being hurt by an autistic person. And some understanding that behaviour caused by autism is often out of the autistic person's control. I'd expect the person's carer to intervene if I was being hurt by an autistic person I didn't know.

How so? Curley’s wife targeted a man with such severe leaning difficulties that he literally could not understand what he had done even after the event.

There is no way to read the book and not understand that she was the architect of her own death, as surely as if she’d decided to stick her head into some machinery.

Nope, I said he can be lumped in with sex offenders because he is a sex offender. To sexually assault someone, you need to be in control of your actions, don't you think?

You're being disingenuous or misunderstanding what people are saying.

This discussion was specifically about women experiencing harassment from men who may be disabled and women described that behaviour as creepy.

You very specifically said that it is wrong to label disabled people as creepy, within the context of the conversation about women experiencing harassment.

Of course it's wrong to label a disabled person as creepy because of they way they walk / talk etc. It is not wrong for a woman who has been a victim of unsettling / scary / inappropriate behaviour to describe that behaviour as creepy.

Labelling behaviour does not equate labelling a person.

You are dangerously close to policing the language victims are allowed to use about people harassing them.

Of Mice and Men is a superlatively well written classic that was published in 1937. You can't judge behaviour that (only fictionally) occurred in a previous era by today's standards.

I would hope that it would trigger some sort of safeguarding referral (assuming the woman wouldn’t have told me who she worked for) because I don’t think a woman bringing a man who ‘has a thing for breasts’ and knowingly grabs women’s breasts should be bringing him into a female changing room.

It should be clear by now that I'm talking about autistic people (this all started with the guy on the train btw) who do NOT know they are hurting or harassing anyone. And all I said was I felt bad for both a woman and a man in a clearly unfortunate situation 😆 but I know mn loves a good pile on!

What do you mean? We are talking about disabled people (men) who bother people (women) and people make the excuse that they’re disabled so it should be tolerated

If that is a serious question the police would be expected to stop the assault, arrest the perpetrator, take them into custody, interview the victim and then pass the file to the CPS.

Fair enough, I'd agree she was wrong. Never said otherwise.

Well that makes me feel a lot better then

And some understanding that behaviour caused by autism is often out of the autistic person's control. I'd expect the person's carer to intervene if I was being hurt by an autistic person I didn't know.

Nobody disagrees with this.

They disagree with the fact that if the autistic person hurt, harassed or assaulted a woman due to their autism being out of their control, and the carer had been unable to stop it, none of that means the woman should have any different a reaction to the one she'd have had if the person who hurt, harassed or assaulted her wasn't autistic.

Arrest a person who clearly does not know what he's doing? So you have very little understanding of autism then?

This is why 'autistic' is too much of a blanket phrase. My son is 5 and doesn't even know his own name, or any other word. He doesn't even know how to request a drink or communicate he's cold or tired. How on earth can I 'teach' him about men being scary? He doesn't have a clue

But seriously, when did I say otherwise ?

If someone, autistic or not, tries to put their hands down my top, they'll be getting a smack from me. This behaviour should have long been taught to them that it isn't okay. It's not up to the rest of the world to endure it because they have autism.

Lots of people who can’t help how they are labelled something. That’s life. It doesn’t mean you can excuse it when they behave badly.

Which is why arresting him for unwanted behaviour would be pointless.

What if they had no carer around? Like the man in the video?

How the fuck do you think teaching someone with barely any understanding of anything is going to work?