Over Dh football today?

[Twinklinlight]

NC as this could be outing. I'm just beyond fed up and wanted to see if it's me that needs to suck it up or not.

Backstory: 2 dc under 5. Youngest has had a vomiting bug for last 24 hours. Thursday night I had 3/4 hours sleep due to dhs snoring and eventually gave up and slept on sofa. Then went to work all day yesterday.
Last night slept downstairs with ill dc who was in his inflatable bed (plastic so easy sick clean up) again had about 3 hours sleep.
This morning im having to complete orders for my side business. Dh reminded me he has football this morning so I won't have very long. I told him he was unreasonable for wanting to go when I feel dead on my feet and have actual work for paying customers to complete.
he replied he was leaving before 11 so I had until then, or he would send the kids upstairs.
I'm honestly fed up of football. He's the manager of a local men's team, it's just grassroots. It takes over so much of our life and I feel our family comes second every single time. He thinks this is my problem. I only see me holding down my day job, working an extra side hustle and also simultaneously being the only child care we have. Is this me?

Is there a reason why he didn't do night duty with sick child ? What ? You mean clean up his own kid's sick ?
Because at least if you had some sleep you wouldn't be so strung out.
I would have told him that if football takes priority over you & your DC, in this instance, when you haven't slept for 48 hrs, have a paying job to do, plus 2 young kids, one of whom is ill, then the relationship will be coming to a very sharp end
He is selfish, & that doesnt work in happy families

You knew this before you had kids
You SHOULD have discussed this
He sounds like a tool.
But you made your bed.

That’s not normal behaviour though, and definitely constitutes storming out in a rage.

why are adult tantrums so often legitimised on this forum?

It's still a commitment even if it's not a paid job.

I get where you're coming from though.

I've just given DP a list of jobs to do this weekend to help me. Fed up of cleaning, washing, meal planning etc etc on a Saturday whilst he sits on his arse and watches football all day.

We have 2 under 2 and I've gone back to work full time.

You need to speak to him about this properly, and give him a list of things to do tomorrow and you try and have a bit of a chill.

You made your bed?? You know this isn't the 1800s right?

Why was he not looking after the sick dc if you had work this morning??

Child looking after should be split 50/50....in sickness and in health...if he was really pulling his weight you'd be less annoyed..

Every Saturday is really unfair...

In my opinion - as he's doing his hobby and you're working this morning - he should have done overnight with the DC, allowing you to get up early and get your work done. It sounds like he's thinking about himself rather than part of a team (ironic as he manages a football team).

Hang on a sec. YABU. Vomiting bug. Side hussle. If you choose to do a second job, that's your choice. You've known about the football for years.

You’re a man, then.

With the new information you have offered I have amended my earlier statement, just for you.

‘So much so he doesn’t see his children at all on 3/8s of the Saturdays in the year.’

@Marvellousmadness they talked about the football and he promised a date when he would finish. That date has passed and he is starting a new season.

OP might have to do her side hustle today as she is busy with her job and sorting out the house and DC at other times

@StreetwiseHercules

Why isn't it normal behaviour?

You're happy defending the man doing it.

What?

Oh did he? Promised a date? Where are you getting that from?

You can think I’m a man if you wish; if it helps you to cope with the views your are presented with. My protected characteristics shall remain private.

That’s not actually clear as the OP has said conflicting things. She initially stated

Backstory: 2 dc under 5
so no DC are in school now.

He said he wanted to stop of his own accord a couple of seasons ago and I encouraged him to keep going for the time being. We both at that point said stopping when the oldest starts school is the plan

So if the oldest is now 4, then this would be the last season. We don’t know how old the oldest one is, they could be 2 for all we know. But DC don’t start compulsory school until they are 5, and that’s usually what people mean when they say “start school” they don’t mean nursery they mean the age when the child is legally required to start school

But then later she says:
“He agreed to stop at the end of last season and hasn't.”

So I’m a bit confused. Did he agree to stop last season? How could he have agreed to stop last year if the agreed plan was to stop when the oldest starts school and is even now still under 5 and so not in school yet?

There’s a disconnect and since the OP has two different stories on when he agreed to stop, then perhaps no real agreement was ever made.

@StreetwiseHercules

Youre defending the male oh walking out and leaving the female op to do the childcare

Yet your claiming if she went out and left him with the kids its storminout and abnormal behaviour

Why is it ok for him but not her?

@Discovereads

Kids can and do start school at 4

They aren’t really the same things. Him going to do this is a standing standard arrangement and he has said he is going to do it as normal. He has not had a hissy fit and left the house in anger with the intent of teaching his partner a lesson, which is what posters here have advocated.

He has made a commitment to other people as a volunteer - the fact that it's football is irrelevant. He can't just jack it in with no notice. You may need to negotiate with him as to whether he needs to give warning that he can't continue from next season onwards.

And I’m pretty sure it WOULD be ok by you in this situation if it was her going to manage a grassroots female football team.

And what’s wrong with being gender nonconforming and to not agree with the be a martyr and anytime you arent working you are on mummy duty. That having any time to yourself to live your life is being “selfish” and “immature”. That’s the misogyny in society that is pushed on women and you have fallen for it. You think that the answer is we need to make things equal by having men suffer equally.

But it’s not healthy or a good thing for all parents to sacrifice all their weekends to their children when there are two parents and you can take turns. You’re not only brainwashed by patriarchal views on motherhood, you’re trying to expand it so it applies to fatherhood as well.

@StreetwiseHercules

Op has asked him not to go.

So now there is a stalemate.

Neither have the right to go and not parent. Both are equally responsible for their children

Op going out is no worse than him and he absolutely needs to be taught that lesson.

Yabu

@StreetwiseHercules

I really wouldn't

Not if the situation was exactly the same

Yes I did mention that, but when people say things about “when my D.C. starts school” it is generally understood to mean when they are 5 and required to be in school. And usually when they start school at age 4 it is during the school year in which they turn 5. Right? So if the oldest started school at the end of last season, aged 4, they’d be 5 by now. But they are still under 5 per the first post.

So what was agreed? Do the OP and DH have different views on what was agreed? Because from the info given, I can see how it could be interpreted that the DH agreed to stop when the oldest turned 5 and so was then officially school age.