Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

[RoversEnd]

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

My grandmother had leg ulcers and was in a lot of pain towards the end of her life. Our (active, bouncy) dog had to be kept in a separate room at all times, because dogs are unpredictable and even the slightest knock would cause immense pain. To confine a dog (or a person) to one room for a whole week in these circumstances would be rather impractical and unfair.

Maybe the OP should have consulted a crystal ball before agreeing to dog sit, then she would have known her mum was going to break her leg. 🙄

Tell her that if the dog had good manners = i.e. properly trained, you could manage both. Too many people have dogs and do not give even basic training.

You agreed to look after their dog so they could go on holiday and you have pulled out. I don't see how your mother breaking her leg had anything to do with it.
Bloody hell the inside of your head must be a lovely place to be.

And lots of people break their leg and can't 🤷‍♀️

But point is this isn't the dog owner who has broken their leg or the person caring for the injured persons dog.

Neither is responsible for the dog and affected alternatives that were turned down.

The SIL is within her rights to coin the Mn phrase "that doesn't work for me" as much as OP was and has.

& I'm not sure why you're foisting 'solutions' on OP when she's capable of deciding for herself what help she is prepared to give her selfish SiL.

@KettrickenSmiled OP started a thread asking for advice.
Giving a potential solution to her problem is what she wants.

Not making up random scenarios like you keep doing.
Which is not helpful and frankly a pretty odd thing to do.

Sounds like you’re projecting alot on this thread.
Let me guess you have an issue with your own SIL.

So many PP here so excited about the chance to give OP an undeserved kicking & not letting the facts get in the way of their bullying!

Yes, this is weird. Is it because there's a dog involved? Brits are often grotesquely sentimental about pets, in a way which has little to do with their actual wellbeing. After all, if SIL and family truly cared about DDog, they'd have chosen a holiday which included them.

I don't see how your mother breaking her leg had anything to do with it

Oh dear. Well I suppose it's not your fault if thinking isn't your strong point.

And it is hard to understand why a couple cannot look after a dog because one of their mothers broke a leg. People break their legs all the time, it doesn’t mean the family pet has to be ferried off to the kennels because the family need to devote all their attention to the broken leg.

But they could look after the dog in a way that worked for them.

But the sil didn't want her dog ceres for in a way that suited the person doing a favour. She wanted it on her terms which didn't work for those caring for the dog.

If you won't compromise when you want a favour then you don't get the favour.

As I said, my mum's broken leg heralded the last few painful, distressing weeks of her life. I'm rather glad I didn't shut her away in a room to look after someone's dog so that it's owner could fuck off on holiday.

Exactly. And if you want to be able to dictate how your pet is cared for, you pay a professional to do it.

Could you take the dog to the Highlands wedding with you. R could drive.

Sorry to hear about your mum.

My own mum died earlier this year of cancer and I'm so glad that people were nice and accepted me pulling out of long-standing weekly car sharing arrangements at the time and even took on extra duties to take ds for me.

People can be such dicks about expecting things and expecting others to give up their life to cater for them.

OP, clearly no need to invest any more energy into this relationship. All one way, and no care towards you or your mum.

Dogs are like children. You don't just leave them with anyone.

of course they aren't like children. If they were you wouldn't be leaving them at home when you go on holiday. You don't usually do that with children or leave them in kennels.

Id be pissed off too if I were your sister in law, they made arrangements to enable them to go on holiday and now you’ve pulled the plug.

plenty of people look after their own dogs when they have broken their leg or not long out of hospital. I’m not understanding why you can’t do both, many people do.

I've just visited some elderly inlaws. They are currently cat sitting for BIL and SIL for two weeks. It is quite a bit of work for them in the hot weather being vigilant about open doors and windows (indoor cat, house on main road), plus extra mess from food and litter.

I pay a cat sitter to come to the house daily if we're away. I consider it part of budgeting the holiday.

If you're having your pets cared for as a favour and something serious comes up for the person - tough shit! You get what you pay for!9

Appalling behaviour from you SIL. I would def remove myself from chat. She sounds a spoilt entitled person with no empathy.
in future don’t offer you help if she then is so rude when your situation changes

God some of the replies here are crazy. Ignore the prattish pps who are piling in on you OP, they are bullies who need to reassess their priorities, as does your massively selfish SIL.

I’m not surprised they’re annoyed. You cancelled the week they’re going and it’s hard to find someone trustworthy last minute. There is absolutely no reason you can’t look after the dog at the same time. There are 2 functioning adults in the house and your mum with a broken leg who may need a bit more help. Get a grip, it’s hardly difficult!! To say you are unable to cope makes you sound like a drip.

Plus I’m sorry to hear about your mum, hope she makes a good recovery.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable by not taking the dog OP. I think it is without question that minding your mother is and should be your priority. But based on your SIL’s response she is probably annoyed her brother cannot do it and is maybe wondering why you need him to help mind your mother. I am not asking you to answer that but I am wondering the same.

Your DH was going to be at her home for a week so can you clarify if you were going to be with the dog by day while he was at work? Without knowing the homes I can understand why she might not want the dog to go to another house. They might not have an enclosed garden or doors might be left open or it could be near a busy road. There are lots of scenarios as to why the SIL wanted it minded in her own home rather than a relatives without it just being she is a brat. Lastly I do think you are exaggerating about the care the dog needs. A 10 mile walk would take 2-3 hours. I doubt any dog owner walks their dog 3 hours a day everyday. Unless they have a job where the dog goes with them like a farmer etc.

So leave the dog alone all the time bar feeding and a walk as the OP is in hospital every day? Do you really not understand that a broken leg isn't always simple? Breaks can be really bad and if OP mum is in a wheelchair, it clearly is. A dog comes second to a person. There was a place for the dog to stay, just not what the SIL wanted.

@itsgettingweird thank you, my condolences to you too. I'm glad you had positive and supportive experiences. I was also lucky, my work were wonderful about things.

I genuinely don't understand people's attitudes. It's like a complete inability to understand that other people have their own priorities. It's some sort of main character syndrome I think. Their wants - pets, holidays - can't possibly be less important than the ill health or injury of someone else's relative. I actually find it a bit disturbing.

👏🏼