Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

[RoversEnd]

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

Excellent example of an unreasonable, bullying response from @User135792468 above, who is as much of a self entitled prat as your SIL.

Another post where the cf SIL and other posters think it's Op's problem to sort. It's DH's family, why couldn't he walk the dog, stay there, sort out the new logistics, suggest options eg share between him and his parents. Poor op! Just concentrate on your dm and let other people sort themselves out.

Meant to say, sil's message sounds like she means why can't dh still do the original plans.

@VivaMazVegas Saying someone can cope with their mother and a dog is not bullying. It’s stating the obvious! Op also has a dh and dd to help. If you are unable to cope with that like the Op isn’t, then I would suggest you question why at your age you’re not a fully functioning adult? If you have a chronic condition or disability then I could understand, but by the sounds of it Op doesn’t, she just can’t pass her mum a cup of tea and walk the dog after.

@User135792468 are you the SIL?

Or a man

@toomuchlaundry Nope, just someone who sticks to plans if they are agreed in advance. I’m also someone who can multitask and can work as a team with my Dh.

Sil sounds very selfish

She will have to put dog in kennels or let dog come to you

Your poor dm should be priority

@RoversEnd I broke my tib and fib last November in a bad accident, there is absolutely no way I would’ve been able to look after a dog or had one in the house with myself. There was just too much going on that the extra responsibility would’ve have been too much for us all. So I get where you’re coming from.

As Ralf Little says: 'It's always a name followed by a load of numbers' . . .

It's someone whose never been in this situation before, so can't actually say for sure they'd definitely still do it.

Isn’t it just @LetHimHaveIt!

That is just what I was thinking.

Not sure why you are going back on the promise of dog care why can't you do both?

Not sure why you are going back on the promise of dog care why can't you do both?

There's always one 😂

As do a lot of people on here who are saying they could still dog-sit! Not only is the SIL demanding that they still save her the cost of kennels but they should also do it at her own house! I would bet that if it were MIL needing the care after breaking a leg and it was OP's sister not happy they couldn't look after the dog the reactions would be different, MILs are evil after all!

@maddy68 have you read the thread?

So a badly trained or untrained dog, you have to stay at their house for free dog care and they don't give a shit about your Mum?

I'd tell them to get to fuck to be honest. And pay for a dog sitter like everyone else. They sound awful. I think your DD would be better off not playing with their kids.

Because: the SIL only wants the dog cared for at her house, not OP’s which is more comfortable for her mum. Because: OP is now going back and forth to the hospital every other day with her mum. Because: the dog is untrained, jumps up all the time, and frankly sounds like a pain in the arse and needs massive long walks, which the OP has less time for because see above re mum’s broken leg and hospital visits. All of this information is freely available in ::checks notes:: the OP.

To answer some questions

SIL lives an hour and half a way so it wouldn’t be possible to move between houses easily.

DH works from home but has a job where he’s in calls and meetings all day so it was always the plan that I would look after the dog.

My mum is 80 years old and has other health factors which is why we are in hospital every other day. She’s been closely monitored and needs daily anti-coagulant injections due to high blood clotting risk but also has high blood pressure so they are worried about haemorrhage.

The reason I talked about the infertility…I know that the world can be cruel, I’ve known that for a long time. I grew up with no one else except my Mum to rely on until DH came along. I craved a sister relationship so much which is what I thought I might be fostering with SIL. This is just another reminder that I’ve got noone else to truly rely on except DH. I wanted DD to have cousins to play with that were like siblings. I feel so incredibly hurt. It’s not just the dog sitting arrangement falling through. It’s that I now know my and my mums situation mean nothing to SIL. Like a PP said she couldn’t care less if my mum dropped dead. When she said she and her DH were ‘fucking furious’ she removed me from the dog sitting chat so I explained the situation with the anti coagulants and high blood pressure in a private message. She didn’t respond. But did talk on the group family chat two days later. I agree with a PP that said she knows I’m desperate for a bond with her and for the kids to share a bond so she’s taking advantage of my feelings.

She only ever gets into contact with us if it’s about the dog or about buying a joint present for the PIL. We’ve looked after her dog before and got her presents to thank her. I feel like such a fucking fool. For the last three years especially I’ve done so much to try to build a relationship. I’m a complete fucking idiot. I wanted a network, support like so many people seem to have. The last few years have been really tough with us battling IVF cycles and miscarriage. I thought at least I could give DD a strong cousin bond.

This is just another kick in the teeth.

Oh and I work but it’s teen time only in a school

So, you would take your mother (in a wheelchair) to someone else's house so you could look after their dog? When there is perfectly viable alternative care from a family member available? Really?

Get a good network of friends @RoversEnd. You don’t need someone like your SIL in your life

What tosh! Is there a sliding scale of acceptable reasons for reneging on doing a favour in which caring for one's own injured mother is below being a free dog-sitter for someone who has plenty of other alternatives?
The positive outcome for the OP is that she need never offer to dog-sit for the free-loaders again!

I think it is you that needs to read it again. Second sentence

“we had to say we can’t do it”.