Mum broke leg, now SIL furious

[RoversEnd]

So long story short my Mum broke her leg and we were meant to be dog sitting SIL’s dog this week as they are on holiday. We had to say we can’t do it as my Mum needs care. She’s on her own. I’m an only child and there is no-one else to help. We’ve got her a basic wheelchair and in cooking and caring for her. The response to this was that they are ‘furious’.

DH’s parents actually offered to look after the dog but apparently they can’t give ‘the dog what it needs’ for a week. There has been no concern for my Mum’s situation at all. SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’.

AIBU to feel really hurt? I don’t have any siblings so I tried to make this relationship work for my DD’s sake so she has cousins to spend time with. DD is also an only child due to our secondary infertility. I feel like I’ve made a major effort trying to build this relationship and actually there’s nothing there. DH says he’s so disappointed that there’s no feeling or care for our situation whatsoever. I know she’s disappointed we can’t look after her dog, but her own parents offered to look after it too and sure they wouldn’t be able to take it for ten mile walks but they are very fit and healthy and could do a lot more than us, given we are in hospital every other day. In the end she said ‘she’s sorted something out’ and has now continued to talk on the family chat like nothings happened. I feel like removing myself from the group.

WTF?

OP mentioned her infertility to explain why she is sensitive to her DD's need for cousins, as she won't have siblings.
OP also mentioned that she too is an only child. In your odd & harsh book, does that also mean she has an on-going resentment towards her DH for having a sibling, @perimenofertility ?

I can't believe you have joined this thread just to have a totally unwarranted & needless pop at another woman's infertility. What a nasty, judgemental & cruel mindset.

and if the DH has to go to work how does he look after the dog?

@toomuchlaundry OP has said the plan was for them to go to SIL’s for the dog anyway so obviously work isn’t an issue.

@RoversEnd
I hope you now realise your SIL is a tw**.
The fool wants people to come to her house to look after her dog.
Is too cheap to pay for professional care.
Is too selfish to commit to the dog.
Her own parents offered to help but that wasn't good enough.
This is a disgusting narcissist you don't want in your life or you DD's.
She couldn't care less if your mum dropped dead
Learn from this and never be a doormat again.

Wow so many doormats who just would bend over backwards to feel liked.

Boundaries are Important. Don't trash people so much for having the self respect to enforce theirs.

Besides. Its the SILs dog, if she wants the ability to drop everything she shouldn't have got a pet. Why is everyone making this the OPs responsibility?

Why are people always trying to twist it like OP isnt doing enough?

She has said she can't, 'why cant you just?' doesnt fucking matter its not your jobs to question it or say well you still should.

You dont know the dog, you dont know how bad OPs mother is, you dont know how OP is mentally and physically, you dont know how much care OPs child requires or her jobs... she CAN'T, thats her boundry to place and no one gets to question it.

The dog is not her responsability, she offered nothing more than a nicety that has not occured, its not a contract that she owes and circumstances change but the dog was not in her care when this happens so still NOT her responsability.

I'm afraid I agree you are being unreasonable! The fact that you mention your entirely unrelated infertility in the post suggests you have on-going resentment towards your SIL.

What a load of bollocks.

This is just one of the unavoidable shit that happens in life. Your DM didn’t decide to break a limb at the same time SILs dog was going to be in your care. You have to put your DM and yourself first here . It isn’t practical to have an active dog around the home. Your SIL is being unreasonable and unfair imo. It’s crap timing but she’s going to have to try find someone else to care for the dog . Hope your DM is soon on the mend.

SIL clearly hasn't thought that if your mum is in a wheel chair that she'll need help with every day things like moving room to room, going to the bathroom, bathing or showering, getting to bed, getting food and drink, drink especially in this hot spell, and overall not being stuck to one spot because that won't be conducive to healing physically or mentally.

You aren't being unreasonable OP.

I wouldn't want to look after a dog either if my mum was in this position.

All the posters saying the OP should have looked after the dog seem to have missed this piece of the OP

we are in hospital every other day.

So those same posters would be happy that the dog would have been left on it's own every other day, or is the OP's mum expected to have gone to the hospital by herself?

The OP's mother is in a wheelchair. For some idea of what is needed to treat a fracture, the NHS page gives a decent overview. The severity can vary and this has a substantial impact on people's need for care and the likely work that is needed to restore mobility.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/broken-leg/

Hilarious.

I imagine OP's husband isn't home during the day and is perhaps working??? So rather unlikely he can 'step up' and dog watch and take for 10 mile hikes instead.

FFS. OP's mother has broken her leg and needs care and frequent hospital visits. They also have a child. That needs to be OP's focus right now, not her SIL's bloody dog WHO HAD OTHER REASONABLE OFFERS FOR BEING LOOKED AFTER!

The dog already has alternative arrangements in place @Badger1970.
Just from a factual point of view ...

For fuck sake. These two situations are not comparable!

@SunnyD44 maybe between them they would be in the house enough to ensure the dog isn’t on its own too long. But if DH works outside the home then wouldn’t be able to leave the dog for hours on end

A possible solution would have been for your PILs to have had the dog and you / your dh walked it once a day, leaving your PILs to do a shorter walk.

I would not be happy to leave my dogs with people, who think it ok to leave them in an unknown garden for chunks of the day in this heat. With thunderstorms next week forecast, the dog could need reassurance and care rather than being left in the garden, separated from humans.

As for not speaking about your mum, yes, this sounds selfish if it is part of a wider pattern, especially the furious comment. But as it came from your dh, maybe he misread the tone? In isolation, I’d put it down to panic. Who wants to lose potentially thousands because the dog sitting arrangements fell through?

It’s a bloody dog

your mum comes first

as do you - you have enough on without having to attend to a high maintenance dog

they can take up your offer of DH’s parents or put dog in kennels or just not go on holiday if the precious dog is so important to them

Fgs o is absolutely right to put her mum and her mum's needs before any dog, never mind adding an active animal that jumps up on people.
Honestly, some replies are literally baffling.

Op that's mean and hurtful behaviour by your sil- step back and mute the group chat for a while. No more favours for her and if I were you, if anything else is said, I would firmly but politely reply that you would if possible but obviously mum is your priority and it's a very very difficult time for her. I think it's a case of stand up for yourself or she'll continue to be this way.

Oh, these idiots will say mum can go on hospital transport, and why shouldn't she because everyone else considers it their martyr duty to deny all offers of lifts and travel that way, while wearing a hair shirt.

OP I hope your DH says to SIL what a nasty pos she is being.

when I had a major injury, I had one idiot "friend" claim she didn't realise how serious it was. Once it was explained to her, she changed her tune. But it was a sign of many things. It takes a special level of stupid and selfish not to know that by a certain age.

SIL even said ‘I’m sorry to hear that RoversEnd and RoversEnd’s mum can’t handle this situation by themselves’

@RoversEnd can you clarify what this means?

Why can’t RE and RE’s mum sort themselves out so that the DH/brother can stay at ours as planned to look after the dog?

being stressed does not allow you to be cruel and then just 'forget it' because its easier for you.

A lot of people on here have a very 'bullying' mindset that theres an excuse for being nasty and there should be no consiquences for their shitty behavior of using and attacking people because they have uncontrolled feelings - thats not how the world works.

So you've offered to have the dog at your house as an alternative to dog sitting at theirs, AND PIL have offered, and SIL refused both? That's ridiculous that she can still feel hard done by enough to make a snotty comment like she expects your DH to just leave you to it the whole time they're away. Why should you be left to do all the childcare and caring for your DM alone?

Yes it's probably frustrating and stressful to organise dog sitting short notice but she's been given 2 alternatives, she's just choosing not to use them because it's not exactly what she wants.

Maybe DH has a job?
Do you think the dog should be left alone all day?

FFS it is going to be looked after by PiL's.

Why are some people so determined to minimise a broken limb? My mother's leg break and subsequent surgery started her final decline and she was dead a few weeks later.

Never be available for dog sitting duties again. Your Sil has shot herself in the foot here as I presume you wouldn't offer again anyway. Her dog, her problem.
Can you tell I am so over entitled dog owners, especially ones who can't be bothered to teach their dog basic manners.

I obviously sincerely wish and hope that this is not the case for the OP!