Why does DH do this?

[novocaned]

Conversation from earlier.

Him: where’s the mayo?
Me: in the fridge (obviously)
Him: what shelf?
Me: just have a look!
Him: would save a lot of time if you just told me which shelf

This happens often and I t’s infuriating. I do happen to know it’s on the 2nd shelf but why is he even asking? How much time is he going to save?! It’s not like a restaurant-style walk in fridge ffs. Does he just think I’m here to facilitate his life?

Fucking infuriating isn't it

It might save his time / it doesn't save yours!

My response to that would be

I'm not the 'Keeper of all things' so stop expecting me to know where everything is at all times just to make your life easier, and bloody look for yourself

If that didn't work I would give him a taste of his own medicine every time I needed something. I suspect he'll stop it pretty quickly

I can see why you're annoyed. But it sounds like he is asking a question to which you know the answer and he doesn't, and that he might actually be able to locate it quicker with your help. He might be unreasonable, if he should know where it is. Is it always in the same place, and does he need to find it as often as you do?

When I was married, we had about 20 bottles on each of the middle and bottom shelves, 9 out of 10 of which I wouldn't know what they contained without reading the label, and about 10 would have to be removed from each shelf altogether to get to ones at the back. If I was looking for something, it would have helped to know which shelf it was on before removing 10 bottles looking for it. Although I wouldn't have had this problem with mayonnaise, as that is fairly recognisable.

It is very annoying 😁. My daughter has a phrase she uses with her (all male) family. She says "look with your eyes" as a response to when they open the cupboard/drawer/fridge and tell her they can't find whatever it is they are looking for that apparently only she can find despite the fact that it is literally 6 inches in front of their nose, at eye level, and on the top/at the front where it is glaringly obvious....

"It would save me a lot of time if you used the eyes in your head"

I'm not the 'Keeper of all things' so stop expecting me to know where everything is at all times just to make your life easier, and bloody look for yourself

What if you are the one who put it where it is, and who takes it from that place to use it, nine times out of ten. In that case your response would only make sense if you had no memory about where you kept things.

But it sounds like he is asking a question to which you know the answer and he doesn't, and that he might actually be able to locate it quicker with your help.

It's fucking mayo. Not a bomb hidden somewhere.

My DH does a similar thing, he'll say 'what does DS want for lunch' when DS is sitting right there are he could just ask him.

Or he asks me what the weather is going to be like tomorrow, while he's standing there with a phone in his hand and could easily look on there!

My DH and I had our first argument in YEARS last week over him asking where the fly spray was. It can only be in one of two places.

It’s infuriating.

If you knew it was on the second shelf, it's as quick to say that as it is to tell him to look. Such a non-event.

We tend to have this conversation
Him: where’s the mayo?
Me: in the fridge (obviously)
Him: it's not in the fridge. I just looked there.
Me: (goes to look in fridge; finds mayo in plain sight)

I feel your pain!

If he opened the fridge he’d just see it though, it’s an utterly pointless unnecessary question to even ask.

Of course it is, but it's still no more trouble for OP to say it if she knows, than to not.

Blimey - you can tell it's hot can't you

Op - you need to answer every 'where is it question' "Dunno" and leave the room

Could you dive into the kitchen, do a Dr Strange hand swirl, tell him you have opened a portal into the fridge and seen the mayonnaise on the second shelf? Or have I got too much time on my hands?

I have one at home too.

where is it?

in the cupboard where I always keep it.

i then don’t reply

YANBU.I barely ever know where something is in the fridge unless it has a regular set place (cheese generally is on top shelf). Or it’s something specific (marinading meat is at the back of bottom shelf). The mayonnaise could
be anywhere. It likes a variety of shelves.

In my house “second shelf” is the usual response to anyone asking these kind of questions when they can’t be bothered to look properly for something. “Oh that? I think it’s on the second shelf”. “Oh yeah, I did see that. Try the second shelf”. The full phrase is “second shelf up my arse”. No one ever asks where the second shelf is, they just know they need to try a bit harder. You might want to give it a go 😊

My stock answers: “I’m not a fucking oracle” and (the one I use for my dc): “use the eyeballs you have in your head”

And yet you are happy to waste time posting a thread about it?

This would drive me mental! You are absolutely not unreasonable. I don’t understand why men and boys resist looking for things, I put it down to pure laziness.

Thank Christ I am not alone in having a DH like this 🤦🏻 it's absolutely infuriating. I just shout "look yourself".

Acting dumb doesn't cut it.

Because he wants a mummy.

Say 'I don't know' to everything. They soon learn.