Why does DH do this?

[novocaned]

Conversation from earlier.

Him: where’s the mayo?
Me: in the fridge (obviously)
Him: what shelf?
Me: just have a look!
Him: would save a lot of time if you just told me which shelf

This happens often and I t’s infuriating. I do happen to know it’s on the 2nd shelf but why is he even asking? How much time is he going to save?! It’s not like a restaurant-style walk in fridge ffs. Does he just think I’m here to facilitate his life?

Tell him it'll save more time in the long run if he learns where things go...

Why the assumption I would have been the one that put it wherever it ended up? That would be whoever used it last, or whoever last did the shopping/put the shopping away. In which case he has just as much chance of knowing where it is, and should stop being a lazy arse and look for himself

thing is, it IS annoying

it was cute in the first few years of a relationship. But 2 kids 15 years and a fucktonne of wifework later, I seem to have lost my sense of humour.

i tend to shout back ‘if I have to come in there and find it, I will charge you a LARGE bar of chocolate‘

hes good natured enough that if he loses that bet, he does honour it.

My hearing is very bad...."sorry can't hear, running water" "sorry can't hear, radio is on" Followed by "You need to come here if you want to ask me a question" - 9 times out of 10 childnir husband has found what they want by then......

Someone else suggested this and it’s something I do as well.

I always say ‘I don’t know’ to the ‘where’s the … questions. All the time.

Because being the keeper of all the things is so annoying!!

So often, my Uterus enables me to find lost things in our house. It's a truly magical organ. Eyes are a close second, especially when used as nature intended.

Years ago a mumsnetter had the best response for her family not being able to find things. If they asked her and she found it immediately then the deal was she was allowed to gently tap them on the head with it saying ‘thickie thickie thickie’.

I adopted this and it works a treat. Three men in the house and mainly they can find their own stuff.

Yes, I have one like this. Had him over 30 years but I’m well on with the training now.

I just go with ‘I don’t know’ or a variation. He whinges but I’m not letting up.

"You're looking in the fridge, you tell me where it fucking is"

This does my head in. If he's genuinely struggling with something I don't mind helping, but it's when he asks me instead of thinking about it for himself. When he does that he is passing the mental Labour on to me and that's the crux of my problem with it.

A classic in our house is, me: 'there's insert homemade meal/item over there just stick it in the microwave' - him 'how long for?' - - how longs a piece of string?! Until its hot! Put it in for a little bit and then check it! Argh!

Stock response in my house "up my arse, 2nd shelf on the left"

The correct answer to this sort of query is always "dunno", mumbled in a surly teenage tone, followed by sloping out of the room so he can't ask you again.

I once asked DP to cook DD some tea as I was out, she wanted tuna pasta bake. I told him where it all was. I got home and DD was eating beans on toast. DP then informed me we had no tuna. He'd even stood on a chair to look in the back of the cupboard and said he would swear under oath in court that there was no tuna in the cupboard. I moved 2 tins of beans and revealed 6 tins of tuna Now whenever he asks me where anything is I tell him it's behind the tuna. He doesn't ask me very often any more

Dh shouted up the stairs to me earlier when I was in the bathroom and couldn't hear him, to ask where something was that was literally right next to him. Drives me bloody mad.

Yep. I have a stock response of "I don't know " now wether I do or not.

Oh my god, my DH and DS both do this. Drives me bonkers. I have literally told them to google it when they ask which shelf. I suspect it's because they want you to lose your shit and say "Never mind, I'll do it!" You're not at all entitled to your own brainspace.

When DH does this it is I call it a penis look. They don’t tend to happen too much now for some reason. To my DF’s dismay DM has adopted it too.

Yes, you stop it by just saying "I dunno" in a bored tone. And repeat. He'll soon get the message.

There is a book called ‘Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps’.
I can’t remember the author.
It explains how men and womens brains work differently for this type of stuff.
Apparently men can only see what is directly in front of them but women scan the area with their vision. Frustrating, but real in a lot of homes, including my own.

If that’s the place where it’s kept, he can learn that place! Imagine thinking your wife is the only one who can remember what shelf the Mayo is on in the fridge, or use their eyes to find it. She would save him time by tying his shoelaces and buttoning his shirt too while he reads mornign emails, but she won’t do that. Her time matters too!

’save you time? Would it save me time? Does my time not matter then? Learning to look for things will help your brain not rot, I’m doing you a favour.’

Look up weaponised incompetence.

And for all those that put up with male partners being shit, please can we stop doing that.

Men can do all of the stuff they are 'useless' at, they just choose not to. They can get away with it mostly because they are facilitated by women.

Let's raise the bar please.

I can point to something directly and he doesnt get it. Like wtf ?

Just say 'dunno'

@Weenurse

I am pretty sure that's a pile o shite on many fronts, but in particular it doesn't explain not looking in the fridge for mayo.

"I dont know"

This is the ONLY thing my DH doss which annoys me and I refuse to answer. My ability to know these things isn't connected to my vagina so I refuse to know what he is also capable of knowing or googling himself. It took me a little while to learn not to micromanage him though. As soon as he had the confidence to do his own thing without worrying that I'd correct him he got even more inferendant.