Why does DH do this?

[novocaned]

Conversation from earlier.

Him: where’s the mayo?
Me: in the fridge (obviously)
Him: what shelf?
Me: just have a look!
Him: would save a lot of time if you just told me which shelf

This happens often and I t’s infuriating. I do happen to know it’s on the 2nd shelf but why is he even asking? How much time is he going to save?! It’s not like a restaurant-style walk in fridge ffs. Does he just think I’m here to facilitate his life?

Also if something happens say a child has knocked a drink over. Dh does this fake getting up thing, he moves as tho he's getting up as do I then he sits back down and I clean up. I know this because sometimes I've not moved and he starts to move pauses mid move as tho he's waiting then gets up or he will look at me and say can you go I'm doing xyz. So he never had s as my intention of moving.

Nah mate, she’s sobbing into her Nescafé over the guilt of disappointing you.

I can be in another room, or sitting at the kitchen table reading or working, while DP is at the hob cooking something and he will still say, “What do I put in next?” or “How many tins of tomatoes go in this?”

How should I know? You’re the one with the pan, the ingredients and the recipe! Aaaaargh.

DH used to ask me where everything was and I just started saying I didn't know. He soon learnt to stop asking and has become pretty good at finding things without my input.

He does do what some PP posters have mentioned, asking me about what DC want when they are with him. I always tell him to ask them. So frustrating (especially has he has got annoyed with me in the past because 'you act like the senior parent').

When ExDP did any of this I used to say "hold on, I'll check", then stand with my hands roughly where my ovaries are, look blankly into space for a few seconds, and then say "sorry, my ovaries don't know", sit down and carry on with what I was doing. Didn't stop him asking but made me feel better!

Fucks sake I get this all the time too.

Yesterday he asked me where the broom was when he was standing right fucking next to it. Then he gets annoyed when I give him sass for asking stupid fucking questions.

Dh has been doing this for.2 weeks in a camper van with a choice of.about 3 food cupboards. 🤔

For me, it’s not so much the learned helplessness of being crap and lazy at ‘looking’, although that’s annoying enough in itself, it’s the way he frames it.

“Him: would save a lot of time if you just told me which shelf.”

I don’t know how this was delivered but I’m hearing an irritable, condescending tone. THAT’S what would piss me off.

Jump to.

DH is very fond of 'What have you done with my ..........?'
Me: haven't touched them.
Him: You've put them somewhere.
Me : Nope, not me, you must have forgotten where you put them.
And so on.
We spent 3 days looking for his reading glasses, which I had apparently moved from where he left them
I found them on his bedside table Grrrrrr

Oh my days my partner does this. I tell him straight to get off his arse and use his eyes if he starts, it’s infuriating though.

I get this from my son. The correct response is ‘it’s a fridge, not a haystack’ (football field, cave, outer space… just insert your desired noun)

Everything should be at the front of the fridge or cupboard according to DH. I tell him you need to move items, have a look around fgs.

Dh once asked me how long to put something in the microwave for. My reply don't know you're the one holding the box with the instructions on it from across the kitchen. Yes I might have done it before but if I haven't done it regularly I forget and have to check. Can't carry everything in my head.

My dear friend had similar convo with her not so “D” H, she started giving him ridiculous answers
H(standing at the front of opened fridge): where’s the butter/my glasses/car keys(she doesn’t drive)
F: in the washing machine/in the boiler cupboard/ dog had it in the garden

Apparently that’s rude and disrespectful🙄

My 11yo DS:where’s my (shoes/bag/coat)
Me:It is where you put it last.
DS: I can’t remember
Me:retrace your steps then,where/when did you see/use it last?

Both of us refuse to engage in looking for anything mission. They need to take responsibility for their stuff not to mention very annoying expectation of usually men who want women to drop off whatever they are doing and look for stuff they can’t be bothered to.

Welcome to my life. Whenever I ask DH to get anything (DS shoes etc) he'll always say 'where are they?'. My reply every time is 'Finding them is part of getting them'. I think he thinks I have some internal Marauders Map of everyday objects around our house functioning at all times.

Yes to "What does DD want to eat?"

Erm...ask her?

When we've all been involved in the same prior conversation with DD...
"What time is DD coming home?"

I don't know! You were there too! She didn't say. I don't have some secret knowledge that only comes through being a female.

Although DD is definitely guilty of the penis look! The number of times she has sworn blind something wasn't in her wardrobe only for me to walk in and find it almost immediately just by...looking.

My DS is 12 now. I still get “what would DS like for lunch/dinner etc”

errrrmmmm…..ask him?

Just to present the other side....

"Where is it?"

"Where it always is."

"The cupboard?"

"Yes, the cupboard."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is - look properly."

"I have. It's not."

"It is. You're an idiot."

"Really. It's not."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I'll get it.... Oh. Where is it?"

"Exactly my question."

"Well, that's where it should be."

"I know. But it's not. Which is why I asked."

"Well, how the fuck am I supposed to know?"

"You usually do. Are you going to apologise for calling me an idiot?"

"No. Because that's where it should be."

Stock answer for ALL questions in my house is 'up your arse'. Saves a lot of bother.

My kids "Where's the Mayo"

Me "I don't know"

End of conversation.

My favourite joke.

Married couple get their bedroom painted. Decorator comes in moves all the furniture in the middle, paints walls. Leaves a note saying wait till walls are dry before putting furniture back.

The wife returns late at night. Turns to her husband and says “why haven’t you moved the furniture back?”

He replies “How the hell am I supposed to know where it all goes?”

There's bloke at work who says his wife 'womans' him

She gives him jobs to do, writes him lists etc. Lovely bloke, very intelligent but virtually never has to think for himself

Our team us mainly women and he tries it. I asked him to grab a new folder from a pile on top of the cabinet for stuff I was sorting that would benefit us both

There's 1 fucking cabinet. He stood in front of it asking "where? I can't see one"

3 women, including me responded in pretty much unison "we don't woman you here mate" as we always do.

Doesn't stop him trying

😂

My favourite game (not even remotely) always starts with…
”Have you seen my…….?”
”Do you know where my…. X is?”
Yes of course…
“Well, where is it?”
I have absolutely no idea/How should I know?
”Why did you say you knew where it was then?”
”I didn’t. I said that I’d seen it. I’ve seen in lots of times. It doesn’t mean that I happen to know where it is.”
Explosive noises coming from DH or DS…
”Where’d you put it?”
”I think you’re asking the wrong person that question. Why would I put it anywhere? It’s not mine. I am not responsible for putting it anywhere. YOU are.”

(They don’t know about the basket of shit they’ve left lying around that I keep in the laundry.)

Conversation this afternoon
me to husband "do you want an ice lolly?"
him "yes please, where are they?"
me "give you three guesses".