Porn culture has led to women suffering injuries during sex

[Doyoumind]

Apart from all the violence etc porn portrays as normal, anal sex is definitely treated as an everyday thing that women enjoy. I don't personally. I know some women claim they do but I've certainly known men who pressure for it and I'm guessing it's only got worse in the years since I was dating.

This article suggests women are unknowingly entering into something that can cause serious injuries.

www.theguardian.com/society/2022/aug/11/rise-in-popularity-of-anal-sex-has-led-to-health-problems-for-women

I remember a woman and her partner coming into A&E and she was bleeding like a stuck pig from her anus where the penis had torn her internally. Needed surgery in the end. Anyone bet she never had anal sex again?

I have told you what the problem is. Indeed you quoted it. Yet you won't address it.

I wonder why?

Is it because you cannot justify your incessant wittering about enjoying putting things in your anus?

Please note I have no problem with you enjoying putting things in your anus, it's the wittering on I take issue with.

@Pinkspice well said- this is why I'm against being told porn is normal relationships- no, it's been 'normalised' - and that's not the same thing. A lot of very nice women are told to get off their high horse about it if they aren't happy with partners constantly watching it , by both men and women , because they are told it's 'normal and we that aren't ok with it are just utter prudes. We all have different levels of what's normal and ok- and I've read far too many posts here where those who aren't ok with porn in their relationships are told to 'lighten up- it's normal' - just as I'm fine with those who on this thread genuinely like anal- but I don't expect to be told 'hey, these days it's normal' - maybe it is, but I won't be indulging - been there- got the ice pack!!

But they are different, women don't have a prostate gland. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't stimulating the prostate gland cause men to ejaculate?

In Roman times it was common for men to do this to women/slaves and children - you think in a time of no medical help/poor sanitation/oft being pregnant and women's pipes being ruptured by childbirth you think that destroying the rectum was considered generally a good and desirable idea by the people who had no say in this culture? Progress was probably sodomy NOT being part of the female/child/boy experience and men not having complete entitlement to every part of everyone's bodies!

But carry on shoving stuff in places it shouldn't be in the name of 'liberation'. Women have always participated in their own oppression.

Whether I have or like anal sex or not is irrelevant to this thread. This is about a societal issue, not our personal preferences.

It's unhelpful when posters state as if incontrovertible fact that X sexual practice, whatever it is, can't possibly be liked by any woman / is 'gross', or that any woman who claims to enjoy it is 'brainwashed'. There are plenty of things I have no interest in trying, but I accept that other women may enjoy them. Similarly, the women who do enjoy activities which carry a higher degree of risk than the norm have a responsibility when they talk about those activities. There is a difference between normalising a practice and normalising conversation about that practice, which should highlight the risks. For example, there is simply no safe way of sexually choking someone, and anyone who claims otherwise has merely been lucky to date. That is a practice where there needs to be conversation about it, but that conversation needs to be "this is extremely risky, women die, yes some women may enjoy the sensations of being partially strangled and if you're one of them that doesn't make you weird, but the benefit is absolutely not worth the risk". Similarly, the more we learn about the risks to women of anal sex, the more we should be highlighting those risks.

There is a big difference between a woman in a sexual relationship (whether short- or long-term) with a man who respects her, her boundaries and her preferences deciding to try something from a position of being informed and confident of being able to stop it if she finds it unpleasant, and what is happening to far too many young women because of the pervasive influence of male-gaze porn (which is the majority of porn, of course) and particularly violent porn.

We need to find a way of empowering girls to feel comfortable saying "no", and when the time comes, only saying "yes" to something they feel fully informed about - especially any risk - and enthusiastic towards. We need to help them recognise what is genuine sexual curiosity, and what is a potential trauma response. We need to support them that it's okay to say "I don't care if everyone from the old woman down to the fly and spider she swallowed are trying this, I DON'T WANT TO", and we need to teach boys to respect their sexual partners, to accept "no" without coercion or shaming. Both sexes will benefit from understanding that the majority of modern porn is misogynistic and fake and is not a template for a healthy sex life. For girls, I think it starts not with setting healthy boundaries in sex but setting the bar higher in male partners full stop. We need to teach and support and model behaviour around not settling for any man because it's perceived as somehow better than being alone.

And we all, including on here, need to stop categorising women into 'prudes and pearl clutchers' or 'brainwashed cool girls'. Set your own boundaries for your own body; don't police other women setting theirs.

If we like it and understand the risks surely that’s up to the woman to decide. It’s not about normalising it, to me it is normal and something some women do enjoy. Surely you can see that point. I understand that some see it as disgusting but to try and make people feel like that is not ok. If we fully consent to it and understand what could happen then that should be enough.

Women need to taught to tell men to fuck off if they don't want to do something. Instead of doing it just to please them.

@LivesinLondon2000 I agree completely with your second post. I am definitely not a man pleasing woman (ask my ex husband) but I believe many are. It's so hard to encourage empowerment and experimentation whilst also building up self esteem, boundary setting skills, safety, and mitigating against the impacts of porn. It's not just young women who are affected, either. It's a whole new world for young men, too, and a lot of pressure and expectation to perform and do things they aren't naturally comfortable with either- but no one teaches them anything else

@msssm totally!!!

@BenCoopersSupportWren excellent post.

We need to find a way of empowering girls to feel comfortable saying "no", and when the time comes, only saying "yes" to something they feel fully informed about - especially any risk - and enthusiastic towards. We need to help them recognise what is genuine sexual curiosity, and what is a potential trauma response.

Maybe we need to find a way to stop boys boasting about brown wings/every holes a goal and that this is harmful to girls and they should care. Maybe we should make it clear it isn't an experience everyone should try and that most people don't enjoy it?

Why is the focus in suggesting its a problem because girls don't say no? Feels a bit like victim blaming.....

A good, balanced post @BenCoopersSupportWren.

Well, every day’s a school day.

I’m not British, and now I wonder which other laws I’ve been inadvertently breaking here.

Is it still OK to give a baby booze?

@picklemewalnuts interesting question. Physically, I really like the feeling of fullness and the pressure. I orgasm a lot more intensely when anal is combination with clitoral play. I like the tightness and I think I can feel more intimately the size, shape, etc of my partner- if I'm with one- because overall it's tighter.

If I have a partner who is too big though it's too painful and a total no go area. I also have to be in the right mood- certain times of the month when I am really horny I usually want it, but other times I don't.

Mentally, I am also turned on by giving myself completely to someone, and by knowing how good it feels for both of us, and by getting the audio feedback loop of pleasure which therefore increases my pleasure. I have thankfully never been coerced anally nor has anyone tried to jump holes without my express permission- so I think that was lucky.

Interestingly my ex husband never liked it so we never did it, and I missed it!

@ANewNameANewDay I couldn't agree more.

There’s been much talk about consensual anal, and how some posters enjoy it themselves, it’s part of their healthy sex life with their partner and so on - which is fine, of course. Their bodies, their and their partners choice, who are we to judge.

However I don’t feel the context for the concern expressed in the article is such consensual, perhaps longer term or committed relationships where there is established trust, care and perhaps love too.

The influence of more explicit and violent porn which includes anal, but also name calling, slapping, choking, forced restraint and even, god forbid, fisting, is escalating in its nature, and it influences people to expect these activities not as part of a consensual ongoing relationship but something that is to be expected or indulged immediately, during a one night stand, a short term hook up and so on.

It’s presented as ‘normal’, that these behaviours require no discussion, no pre-agreed consent. That personal boundaries are ‘vanilla’ and boring. Not ‘cool’. And who wants to be the ‘uncool’ girl in the dating pool.

I remember last year in the run up to ‘Love Island’ one of the girls was quoted in a pre-show introductory feature enthusiastically stating how she ‘loved it rough’ in her sex life. This was repeated across all the tabloids and social media sites that carry blanket coverage of the LI contestants and the show. It felt so damaging that this was how she was introduced to the public, the one in the blue bikini who ‘loves it rough’.

It’s careless messaging like this, added to the desensitising effect of watching increasingly violent porn, girls being told that prostitution and Only Fans is ‘empowering’ (and that to think otherwise is prudish), that is really screwing up the dynamics of sexual relationships in younger people. As always it’s the women who suffer the most, particularly in terms of safety and injury.

Once upon a time if a man choked me, slapped me, or penetrated my body without my consent it would be considered a crime, these days many would argue he was a guy who ‘loves it rough’. Nothing to see here.

Some woman are not under pressure to have anal, some willingly enjoy it and have orgasms from anal, and of course anal was around before internet porn.

You haven’t read or understood the article correctly:

Reading the article in full shows that it refers to anal sex as being a risky behaviour because of its association with alcohol, drug use and multiple sex partners: in that context all sex all life is more risky.

The research also says that the risk is greater for woman then for men, it does say what the level of the risk is. I’ve read the original research and the risk is small with 9.9% woman having anal sex getting fecal incontinence vs 7.4% for those who don’t have anal ( for men anal incontinence is 2x more likely).

Other research says that up to 25% have fecal incontinence after childbirth.

The article also says if you have anorectal symptoms then not discussing anal sex as part of the diagnosis would be a failure on the part of the doctor.

As with all scientific research it’s important to understand what the data says, this doesn’t say that every woman or man will destroy themselves by having anal.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

The timing, imho of being in my 50s, coincided with the accessibility to the internet and with it porn

what a lot of people don’t know is that a lot of modern technology and how the internet work is driven first by Porn. They have the money to be early adopters, and to fund research to drives innovation that reads porn users in

www.businessinsider.com/how-porn-drives-innovation-in-tech-2013-7?r=US&IR=T

The porn industry has the biggest video streaming sites and income than any other segment - it swamps the likes of netflicks or other streaming services that are still making a profit.

but to do that, the porn industry has to continually push the boundaries of what is acceptable and normal - otherwise users become bored of seeing the same things or experiencing the same things. People (mainly men it has to be said) are looking for thrills, the illicit, the things they dont do with their wives and girlfriends to get their kicks. Then when they see enough of it they believe that everyone else does this in real life and start asking or pressurising those wives, girlfriends or random dates for it,.

the internet let a gene out of the bag for the porn industry. The porn industry will continue to find a lot of the newer innovations in tech..and the tech companies remain complicit in this as it brings in the revenue for them

Anal, strangulation, queering, spitting, slapping in and on it will go relentlessly …..

I completely agree.

"But carry on shoving stuff in places it shouldn't be in the name of 'liberation'. Women have always participated in their own oppression."

This.

Imagine this (as a I suspect a lot of male sexuality is driven by the desire for variety).

You have a teenage daughter. Suddenly she comes home complaining of terrible ear aches or pain in her nose or some such. Turns out her boyfriend has been shoving large enough inanimate objects in her ear or up her nose just for the kicks.

The doctor warns her of risk of ruptured ear drum or ruptured columella but no, your daughter says she likes it and is enjoying it, and likes to make her boyfriend happy because he gets turned on by it.

The orifice of the ear or nose is about the same in terms of suitability for objects which should not be there as an anus.

You might not like that but it does seem that some doctors, whilst being politically correct and not saying it is more important to them, on an anonymous basis are acknowledging that the anus is not designed to take a penis, and there can be long term serious health consequences of doing that.

I wouldn't call 1 in 10 a "small risk"

The rate of fecal incontinence after childbirth is 2-6%. The higher figure is for wind incontinence.

Fecal incontinence is a horrible condition; we should be trying to minimise unnecessary causes, not trying to make out its normal so let's all do anal

Is this what you think or what you have been told to think??

God forbid a woman can form her own opinion. Anything we “think” we like is because men have made us think we like it. We have no feelings on our body because men tell us how to feel about ourselves and our bodies.
Are you me?? Can you feel what I feel or think what I think??

This. Thankfully my husband is repulsed by the idea. " Why the hell would I want to put it up there when there's a purpose built hole at the front ?".
My friend's now exhusband was a great fan of anal, particularly when she was heavily pregnant. He would frequently tear her and cause bleeding. As a 'kindness' he would wait until she had healed before doing it again. What a prince.