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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad that husband didn’t see if I’m ok after car crash?

124 replies

Nikses · 12/08/2022 01:08

I’ve had a car accident this evening, my first one and I’m a new driver someone drove into the back of my car at quite high speed caused some damage and I’ve banged my head on impact. I was able to drive home. I called my husband from the side of the motorway to tell him
and said I’d be home ASAP when I got home he was asleep. When I got into bed he didn’t even ask if I was ok? Am I hurt? What happened? Nothing aibu to be hurt that he doesn’t care? I literally would have waited up until he got home to see he’s ok before I could go to sleep! Not drift off while he’s waiting on the hard shoulder?! Am I being dramatic or is that hurtful?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 12/08/2022 01:11

Wow, that is incredibly hurtful.

Sorry you had such a frightening experience Flowers Is your head ok?

Aquamarine1029 · 12/08/2022 01:13

Wow. I'm honestly shocked at your husband's lack of concern. My husband would have raced to the scene to be with me. Yours was asleep when you got home. Again, wow.

I don't believe he doesn't have form for this level of behaviour. No caring spouse would be this way.

OlympicProcrastinator · 12/08/2022 02:57

I’d definitely be re-evaluating my relationship if my DH clearly cared so little for me YANBU.

CactusBlossom · 12/08/2022 03:07

Doesn't sound like a caring guy to me. I'd recommend you get a check up with GP (if you can get to see one) to rule out any injuries - sometimes things can take a while to emerge. You could have whiplash, concussion, or some other problem. Why didn't he come and collect you? What if you had passed out on your way home? I hope you are OK, but I'd seriously consider trading him in for another model (and I don't mean the car).

StClare101 · 12/08/2022 03:38

That’s very strange behaviour from him. I’d be very upset.

Thepossibility · 12/08/2022 03:45

That is shocking. My DH would be out of his mind with worry.

autienotnaughty · 12/08/2022 03:46

Yes very strange. Is this typical behaviour?

Rodion · 12/08/2022 03:55

Assuming he didn't misunderstand what happened then yanbu, I'd be gutted as it seems really uncaring.

Has anyone checked your head? Maybe get that checked out and then deal with him tomorrow?

Ticktockwoof · 12/08/2022 04:23

Could he have misunderstood the severity? If not, what an idiot. I hope you’re okay.

Musti · 12/08/2022 04:28

I hope you’re ok op and your husband’s behaviour is very odd and uncaring.

PersuasionPrimlyWatching · 12/08/2022 04:29

Used to work late, and I would collect baby from my Mums house, before driving home to find husband asleep in bed
He didn’t collect child on these evenings, as it added to his journey home, it was on my way home, so all happy with the arrangement, except for him not at least checking we were home safely.
He couldn’t have cared less

PersuasionPrimlyWatching · 12/08/2022 04:30

Hope you are feeling ok, and had someone check you over for concussion

PersuasionPrimlyWatching · 12/08/2022 04:31

Maybe also reassess your life, as I should have done

Fraaahnces · 12/08/2022 04:39

That’s terrible! You must be tempted to shove a pillow over his face right now. What a heartless man!

Christinatheastonishing · 12/08/2022 04:50

Being super optimistic and trying to see another side to this, I guess it's possibly not SO bad if something like the following happened:


  • he was already in bed and asleep or nearly asleep when you called

  • he asked you all about it on the phone, and you assured him both you and the car are OK to drive home

  • he accidentally drifted back off waiting for you, fully expecting to wake up when you get home so he can talk to you, but got into a deeper sleep and didn't.


If any of the above didn't happen, he's just a dick.

SpringRainbow · 12/08/2022 05:28

Christinatheastonishing · 12/08/2022 04:50

Being super optimistic and trying to see another side to this, I guess it's possibly not SO bad if something like the following happened:


  • he was already in bed and asleep or nearly asleep when you called

  • he asked you all about it on the phone, and you assured him both you and the car are OK to drive home

  • he accidentally drifted back off waiting for you, fully expecting to wake up when you get home so he can talk to you, but got into a deeper sleep and didn't.


If any of the above didn't happen, he's just a dick.

I must admit your first point did cross my mind when reading but only because I have been there.

I once got a phone call saying that my partner at the time got hit by a car. I had been fast asleep when I got the call. I do remember getting the call, I remember repeating back to the person what they had said, then I remember going back to sleep.

It’s only when I woke up properly the next morning that it fully hit me what had happened. Once I had checked my phone records to establish whether it was a dream or not I was just horrified by the whole thing.

In the end everything was fine, they were lucky that there was nothing more than a concussion. Still, in that moment I just wasn’t fully awake. I didn’t really grasp what I was being told.

Original poster
Nikses · 12/08/2022 05:49

thanks everyone, I feel ok not slept much just a stiff neck and a sore head. I came downstairs as was so warm and I couldn’t sleep…..he literally just text at 5.15am and asked “where are you?”.
the accident happened around 10.30pm…it was his day off so wasn’t particularly tired and was awake when I spoke to him, just managed to hear what had happened and then sleep peacefully until 5am. Where as I know I would have been worried, texting and waiting up. Maybe I just care more?

OP posts:
SpringRainbow · 12/08/2022 05:53

Nikses · 12/08/2022 05:49

thanks everyone, I feel ok not slept much just a stiff neck and a sore head. I came downstairs as was so warm and I couldn’t sleep…..he literally just text at 5.15am and asked “where are you?”.
the accident happened around 10.30pm…it was his day off so wasn’t particularly tired and was awake when I spoke to him, just managed to hear what had happened and then sleep peacefully until 5am. Where as I know I would have been worried, texting and waiting up. Maybe I just care more?

If he was awake when he got the call then that is completely different really.

Most people would be beside themselves with worry if someone they loved had been in an accident.

Plutoisaplanet · 12/08/2022 05:57

Op please get checked out, you’ve hit your head in a car accident. Worry about the relationship later and make your health and well-being your priority.

seastargirl · 12/08/2022 05:59

I'd be so upset in your sutuation and would have expected a far more caring reaction. Is this out of character for him?

Sorry you're dealing with this on top of the crash. Make sure you get checked out today, I needed physio after a fairly low speed impact as I did get whiplash.

KeyboardWarriorsUnite · 12/08/2022 06:05

Hmm.

I was in a car accident where I was hit head on, my car ended up on its side and was written off, and I was taken to hospital to get checked out. Similar time of night. I phoned home to tell my family not to worry, and not to wait up because I was fine, it was all precautionary.

I think the fact that you were able to drive home would be a strong indicator that you were okay. Surely it's better that he gets some sleep and you waken him if you need him, than he gets no sleep at all?

TabithaTittlemouse · 12/08/2022 06:06

Did you get checked at the scene?
If not you should today.

I’m not sure that I could forgive my husband.

girlmom21 · 12/08/2022 06:14

The only justification for me is if you assured him you're absolutely fine on the phone and had no idea how long you'd be as you were waiting on police or recovery or similar, and then I'd still have expected him to wake up when you got home if he hadn't come to help you

Doingmybest12 · 12/08/2022 06:15

Not saying it is ok and I see why you are hurt. But my husband is super practical and if I'd told him it was all fine and I'm OK on the phone then that's what he thinks, he doesn't think beyond this or what could ve been. So if I am ill I have to spell it out for example, not say I'm fine hoping he'll work it out. Also he is an amazing sleeper, sleeps anywhere at the drop of a hat, can't keep himself awake. Also he has been known to block bad things out. So that combination can be rubbish if emotional support is needed but yes I would be upset if I was you and I'd point this out .

Livebythecoast · 12/08/2022 06:17

What a horrible shock for you and I hope you're okay. Please get checked out at either a minor injury unit or GP. Not only just to be sure everything is okay but to log it somewhere too.
I would be very hurt with my DH too. Look after yourself 💐

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