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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad that husband didn’t see if I’m ok after car crash?

124 replies

Nikses · 12/08/2022 01:08

I’ve had a car accident this evening, my first one and I’m a new driver someone drove into the back of my car at quite high speed caused some damage and I’ve banged my head on impact. I was able to drive home. I called my husband from the side of the motorway to tell him
and said I’d be home ASAP when I got home he was asleep. When I got into bed he didn’t even ask if I was ok? Am I hurt? What happened? Nothing aibu to be hurt that he doesn’t care? I literally would have waited up until he got home to see he’s ok before I could go to sleep! Not drift off while he’s waiting on the hard shoulder?! Am I being dramatic or is that hurtful?

OP posts:
Sirius3030 · 12/08/2022 09:00

My DS had an accident and phoned me to say that the paramedics wanted him to go to hospital for a checkup but he was fine. I told my partner, who was busy, didn’t see the point of going to the hospital, so I went.
Utterly shocked to see DS wheeled off ambulance on stretcher, in neck brace, covered in blood and broken glass, and a damaged face. He was fine.

RudsyFarmer · 12/08/2022 09:00

Bloody hell. He’s either incredibly relaxed or doesn’t give a shiny shit about you. My partners been in quite a few accidents and each time I’ve been beside myself and often driven in the night, with the children, to get him.

toomuchlaundry · 12/08/2022 09:02

I would get the car checked too.

Maireas · 12/08/2022 09:03

Nikses · 12/08/2022 08:51

Yeah he has just got up and asked about it and was concerned, he’s now seen the car and is texting me while he’s walking the dog asking if I’m ok, saying the normal things that I would have waited up to say like “at least your not seriously hurt” etc.

Text back and ask him to take you to hospital to get your head injury checked out.

girlmom21 · 12/08/2022 09:03

toomuchlaundry · 12/08/2022 09:02

I would get the car checked too.

Agree with this. Don't drive the car until it has been. Cars are made to crumple these days. There'll be damage you can't see.

Thepossibility · 12/08/2022 09:05

Quia · 12/08/2022 08:14

Despite the fact that you've phoned and told him you were fine to drive home?

Show quote history

Yep. He'd still want to check me over and look at the car. Talk it over with me, make sure I'm not in shock. After he'd done all that then he could relax enough to go to sleep. It's probably a case of what could have been as well. Like if one of my kids (or husband) had been in a similar accident, I would need to SEE them before I could merrily go to off to sleep!

ValerieDoonican · 12/08/2022 09:05

Just to reiterate please get checked by a doctor this morning.

Maireas · 12/08/2022 09:08

I'm the same, @Thepossibility - I wouldn't be able to relax until I knew all was ok. As people on here have said, you can have concussion or delayed shock. Or even - that was a horrible experience, let's have a cuppa and chat!

Thatboymum · 12/08/2022 09:10

I think you are being dramatic, if you and your car were ok to drive home and you told him you were driving home then it can’t have been that major and it’s not the end of the world for him to fall asleep

starfishmummy · 12/08/2022 09:12

You had called him and given him the relevant information - namely that you were OK, fit to drive home and that the the car was in a driveable state (so therefore not badly damaged).
Mine would have probably done the same and just expected me to wake him when I got in.

Maireas · 12/08/2022 09:13

No, it's not the end of the world.
It's not very caring, though, is it? For a partner?

girlmom21 · 12/08/2022 09:13

starfishmummy · 12/08/2022 09:12

You had called him and given him the relevant information - namely that you were OK, fit to drive home and that the the car was in a driveable state (so therefore not badly damaged).
Mine would have probably done the same and just expected me to wake him when I got in.

She didn't tell him she could drive home. She told him she was waiting for recovery.
She was waiting on the hard shoulder, in the dark, after her first accident as a new driver.

Honeyroar · 12/08/2022 09:27

He’s let you down.

PUER125 · 12/08/2022 09:35

GiltEdges · 12/08/2022 06:23

Well he sounds completely thoughtless and I know I’m missing the point but, how did you manage to hit your head after another car went into the back of you? What did you even hit it on? I only ask as it’s happened to me before and I did suffer minor whiplash but the seatbelt makes it near impossible for your head to actually collide with anything, unless it’s an airbag…

I was hit side on and my car ended up in its roof. The airbag didn't go off and I banged my head on the steering wheel.
this resulted in losing my senses of taste as smell.

Herejustforthisone · 12/08/2022 09:37

That is totally abnormal for a loving relationship.

DancingUnderTheLights · 12/08/2022 09:40

I wouldn't be worried if my partner called to say he was driving home after having a car crash. That would suggest it wasn't a big one and he wasn't injured to any serious degree. That said it's just caring to wait on them coming back to check they're feeling alright etc.

WireSkills · 12/08/2022 09:44

I had an accident earlier this year when I wasn't with my DH. At first he thought I'd had a minor bump and laughed it off on text but as soon as he realised it wasn't as minor as my (admittedly underexaggerating) text made it out to be, he was in full on worry mode. I had to go to hospital and wasn't allowed anyone with me, so he stayed up waiting for text updates until eventually I told him to go to bed. He was going to come and get me but in the end I got an Uber as it would have taken him an hour to get to me and at 3am I just wanted to get home to bed!

I texted him to say I was on my way but he was asleep when it came through, but the moment he heard a car pull up outside the house he was wide awake, meeting me at the door and then doing everything he could to make me comfortable.

I'll be honest - I don't think I've ever loved him more in that moment in time! He was a total rock over the next few weeks when I was in a lot of pain.

THAT is what a DH is supposed to do.

@Nikses you're not unreasonable to be upset, but you have to tell him that you are. He's making all the right comments now, but they're 8 hours too late and he has to realise that he's upset you. It's his reaction to that which should tell you the future of your relationship.

Youaremysunshine14 · 12/08/2022 09:46

Thatboymum · 12/08/2022 09:10

I think you are being dramatic, if you and your car were ok to drive home and you told him you were driving home then it can’t have been that major and it’s not the end of the world for him to fall asleep

OP didn't tell him she could drive, she said she had to get the car assessed roadside. The other car was so damaged the driver needed help getting out.

Original poster
Nikses · 12/08/2022 09:46

It’s being collected by the garage today, I will not be driving round in it. The boot won’t lock, rear indicator is….gone being crunched into the motorway surface as we speak.

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 12/08/2022 09:57

All these people saying go to hospital.... er, no! I was rear-ended on a motorway a few years ago, pushed into vehicle in front of me & my car written off. Police & paramedics appeared (I didn't call them) & nobody thought I needed medical attention - neither did my doctor husband! I was stiff, sore & bruised for a few days but that was completely normal for the type of crash (inc airbags going off). I was back behind the wheel of a hire car within 48 hours, coz I had to go to work. Let's not infantilise healthy adults and assume every minor injury needs "checking out" - they don't and we all heal with a bit of time.

Original poster
Nikses · 12/08/2022 09:58

I totally agree with what your saying I think that’s what stunned me is just…..no reaction 😳

OP posts:
Buythebag40 · 12/08/2022 10:14

I think it depends whether this is something he has form for and there are other problems in the relationship. Is he uncaring in general?

There is a balance between not giving a shit and what a pp said:

That is shocking. My DH would be out of his mind with worry

To me, that is over the top and having such a drama queen for a dh would do mMy head in. My dh is more like yours OP, very practical and black and white - quite emotionless sometimes - if I'd rang him and told him I was fine and driving home he'd have probably gone back to sleep too. What's the point of him sitting up waiting for you (or maybe that was his plan and then he fell back asleep)? I'd have probably gone back to sleep too if it'd been dh, so long as I'd established he was fine (and being able to drive home is a strong indicator that you were fine).

Its up to you though whether this is something you deem acceptable behaviour.
Personally I'm used to it and I know my dh loves me - we are just not dramatic people.

Buythebag40 · 12/08/2022 10:15

Hbh17 · 12/08/2022 09:57

All these people saying go to hospital.... er, no! I was rear-ended on a motorway a few years ago, pushed into vehicle in front of me & my car written off. Police & paramedics appeared (I didn't call them) & nobody thought I needed medical attention - neither did my doctor husband! I was stiff, sore & bruised for a few days but that was completely normal for the type of crash (inc airbags going off). I was back behind the wheel of a hire car within 48 hours, coz I had to go to work. Let's not infantilise healthy adults and assume every minor injury needs "checking out" - they don't and we all heal with a bit of time.

And this.

No wonder the nhs is so overrun with so many time-wasters!

girlmom21 · 12/08/2022 10:16

if I'd rang him and told him I was fine and driving home he'd have probably gone back to sleep too.

She didn't tell him that.

rwalker · 12/08/2022 10:17

On the fence as you drove home and did u tell him u were ok when you rung