Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad that husband didn’t see if I’m ok after car crash?

124 replies

Nikses · 12/08/2022 01:08

I’ve had a car accident this evening, my first one and I’m a new driver someone drove into the back of my car at quite high speed caused some damage and I’ve banged my head on impact. I was able to drive home. I called my husband from the side of the motorway to tell him
and said I’d be home ASAP when I got home he was asleep. When I got into bed he didn’t even ask if I was ok? Am I hurt? What happened? Nothing aibu to be hurt that he doesn’t care? I literally would have waited up until he got home to see he’s ok before I could go to sleep! Not drift off while he’s waiting on the hard shoulder?! Am I being dramatic or is that hurtful?

OP posts:
Randommother · 12/08/2022 06:18

Someone rear-ended you but the car was ok to drive afterwards, and you were ok to drive afterwards? It doesn’t sound like it was serious (I assume if you drove the car that the rear lights, including brake lights were still working.)

It really depends on how you were when you called him - if you’d been upset and shaken up by it, then he should have stayed up to check you were ok, if you down played it then he may have assumed that because you could still drive the car that it wasn’t that bad.

How long was it between calling and arriving home?

GiltEdges · 12/08/2022 06:23

Well he sounds completely thoughtless and I know I’m missing the point but, how did you manage to hit your head after another car went into the back of you? What did you even hit it on? I only ask as it’s happened to me before and I did suffer minor whiplash but the seatbelt makes it near impossible for your head to actually collide with anything, unless it’s an airbag…

Itloggedmeoutagain · 12/08/2022 06:23

You were hit from behind at speed on the motorway and the car was OK to drive?
You should have gone to hospital
But yes he should have checked up on you. We were in a minor accident a few years ago and we were shaken up.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 12/08/2022 06:24

GiltEdges · 12/08/2022 06:23

Well he sounds completely thoughtless and I know I’m missing the point but, how did you manage to hit your head after another car went into the back of you? What did you even hit it on? I only ask as it’s happened to me before and I did suffer minor whiplash but the seatbelt makes it near impossible for your head to actually collide with anything, unless it’s an airbag…

I wondered this too but I forgot to say!

Softplayhooray · 12/08/2022 06:31

OP if you were in an accident driving at motorway speed, with such force that you hit your head YABVu to not go to hospital!!! Were you not wearing a seatbelt? I can't visualise what could have happened here.

drpet49 · 12/08/2022 06:34

I think the fact that you were able to drive home would be a strong indicator that you were okay.

^I agree with this.

sunsetsandsandybeaches · 12/08/2022 06:34

I'm surprised you were okay to drive home and your car wasn't a wreck if you were hit at speed on a motorway.

Please go and get your head checked out. Worry about DH later.

JumpTheGun · 12/08/2022 06:36

What was the conversation you had on the phone?

If it was “I’ve had a bit of a bump, but I’m fine, the car’s fine, just wanted to let you know I’ll be a bit late home”…that’s a different kettle of fish to a tearful “I’m so shaken up, I guess I’m going to have to drive home, I don’t know what else to do!”

IncompleteSenten · 12/08/2022 06:37

What did you bang your head on?

itsgettingweird · 12/08/2022 06:39

KeyboardWarriorsUnite · 12/08/2022 06:05

Hmm.

I was in a car accident where I was hit head on, my car ended up on its side and was written off, and I was taken to hospital to get checked out. Similar time of night. I phoned home to tell my family not to worry, and not to wait up because I was fine, it was all precautionary.

I think the fact that you were able to drive home would be a strong indicator that you were okay. Surely it's better that he gets some sleep and you waken him if you need him, than he gets no sleep at all?

This is what I thought.

If someone rang me and said they were fine and driving home I'd assume it was quite minor. And you'd already spoken on the phone so I guess you'd done the "are you ok bit?".

He may have been off yesterday but doesn't mean he's not tired at 10.30pm and I may not meant to fall asleep and not wake up.

Mention it to him that you were hurt by all means but don't assume he was being an uncaring dickhead - especially if he isn't usually.

At least he wasn't waiting home to question you fully and tell you to be more careful in future (I've read threads where that's happened before)

JumpTheGun · 12/08/2022 06:40

I’m also struggling to visualise a scenario where you have been hit at speed on the motorway but are still in a position to drive home, so it’s a bit hard to judge.

carefullycourageous · 12/08/2022 06:42

Were you checked out? Be careful with any head injury.

Have a major think about your relationship too.

MichelleScarn · 12/08/2022 06:47

Did police/other services attend and give the ok to drive home?
Agree with pp that you might have sounded 'ok' on the phone, were you on the hardshoulder long?

Augend23 · 12/08/2022 06:57

JumpTheGun · 12/08/2022 06:40

I’m also struggling to visualise a scenario where you have been hit at speed on the motorway but are still in a position to drive home, so it’s a bit hard to judge.

Me too honestly. Any crash on a motorway would have the police in attendance within minutes and I'd be astonished if they let you drive home with a head injury without getting checked over?

Ottersmith · 12/08/2022 06:59

I think you should go to the Doctor because car safety isn't tested on women and the headrest and seatbelt actually cause injuries to women's heads and necks rather than protecting them. Your husband is a prick.

NerrSnerr · 12/08/2022 07:06

If someone drove into the back of you at a high speed on the motorway you need checking out. What state is your car in? Was the other person/ people ok? Someone going into the back of you on a motorway is quite an accident.

UserError012345 · 12/08/2022 07:13

He's a bell end. Have you told him how upset you are at his lack of consideration.

Lockheart · 12/08/2022 07:42

Someone drove into you at speed on a motorway but you didn't go to hospital and both you and the car were ok to drive home?

I'm sorry but this doesn't make sense. If you and the car were ok to drive home then it wasn't a very bad accident, although of course it would be scary at the time!

Sally090807 · 12/08/2022 07:44

If you hit from behind and had a seatbelt on how did you hit your head, on what?
Also, if it was on a motorway and some went in to the back of you at speed how was your car ok to then drive home, were the police called?

Shade17 · 12/08/2022 07:48

If my DW had an accident minor enough to drive home then I wouldn’t be overly concerned either. Obviously I’d check she was OK but I wouldn’t be “beside myself with worry”.

SavoirFlair · 12/08/2022 07:50

he literally just text at 5.15am and asked “where are you?”.

OP your answer is here. He clearly spoke to you while semi-asleep or whatever, clocked that you were fine to come home, then woke up in concern upon seeing you’re not next to him and asks “where are you”

yes he should have run downstairs, then called 999, then driven out onto the roads you were likely to be on, while carrying a defibrillator .:

.. but this is Mumsnet, where any hint of indifference or lack of due concern from a male results in “leave him, now.”

You were clearly fine to drive home, according to your own assessment (and I echo others - you need to get medically assessed) and you slept elsewhere in the house for some reason.

I think this whole post is reaching a little. Do you have pre-existing problems with DH, and is this the “final straw”?

SirenSays · 12/08/2022 07:52

Is this unusual for him? My husband would be worried but he's also the kind of man who could fall asleep on a roller coaster during a hurricane.

Hbh17 · 12/08/2022 07:53

Most husbands would stay awake to ask about the damage to the car, tbh 😂

BloodyCamping · 12/08/2022 07:56

Get yourself to hospital and checked out.

ShaneTwane · 12/08/2022 07:56

Has no one heard on this thread heard of something called shock?

People have been in really bad accidents and still driven home, sometimes even with bits of car missing. My brother was hit by a car on his bike and broke both arms, hit his head and cut down to the muscle and he still jumped on his smashed bike and cycled half way home before passing out.

Yes op i would be shocked and hurt. My dp is grumpy and argumentative and even he would be besides himself with worry if I told him what you told yours.