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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS's pants & shorts found down the loo after swimming lesson

109 replies

BearBirdBaboon · 10/08/2022 23:50

AIBU that more should have been done about the incident I've detailed below? (Sorry, it's quite long.)

My DS has his swimming lessons at the pool of an independent school, where the swimming lessons are run by an outside company. The changing rooms are therefore the kind you get at schools, as opposed to leisure centres with lockers. My DS got changed before his swimming lesson and left his bag in the changing room during his lesson, as he has always done. When his lesson had finished, he couldn't find his pants and shorts. Another little boy found them in the loo and alerted a member of staff. My DS was clearly very upset by the incident.

The swimming instructors around that evening said they would report the incident to the regional director. I expected to have been contacted by the director within a few days of the incident, after an investigation. However, I was not contacted and it was not until I mentioned to DS's swimming instructor the week after the incident that I hadn't been contacted, that I was finally sent an email.

There were perhaps, at most, only three to five other families with boys who could have been in the changing rooms getting changed after their lesson, while my DS was having his lesson, so it wouldn't have taken much effort to have contacted those families to ask for details from potential witnesses and hopefully find the culprit. I'm furious that this was not done. This is an extract from the email I received:

"We have received reports back from the staff working at the pool that evening, and have tried to work out which children may have had access to the changing room at that time. The majority of children swimming were girls and for those boys who did attend we tried to ascertain which ones changed poolside with their parents and who was in the changing room. There was of course the young boy who reported the incident to our 'swimming instructor'. However, with absences we have been unable to 100% confirm who else including siblings or other spectators who may have been in there.

This is clearly upsetting for you and your son, and we do appreciate that. We have emailed parents who attend on that evening to reiterate the behaviour expected of everyone attending our lessons in the hope that a reminder might make the person responsible think about their actions. Beyond this we unfortunately can’t accuse anyone without being more certain that they may have been involved.

I know 'swimming instructor' suggested that it might be a good idea for your DS to bring his bag back to you on poolside once he is changed and collect it again on his way back to the changing room following his lesson - that way his clothes won’t be left unattended."

I don't feel enough has been done to ascertain who put my DS's clothes down the loo, which is truly disgusting behaviour. Is there anything I can do about this? If so, what? What would you do? (I would like to move them elsewhere, but having rung round, I've found that nowhere else can offer lessons at the time we're able to do them.)

OP posts:
SpudsIluv · 10/08/2022 23:55

🤔 call the police, there's a mad man around! 🫣

SpudsIluv · 10/08/2022 23:56

Complete over reaction to expect the 'director' to ring you, change venue if you're that arsed!

Lavendersummer · 10/08/2022 23:56

Id leave it. Move on. Keep his clothes near you while he swims. Not nice tho.

OriginalLilibet · 10/08/2022 23:57

OP, move on. You are massively over thinking this. The response from the lesson provider is entirely reasonable.

Mally100 · 10/08/2022 23:58

Their response is quite fair and reasonable. They can't really accuse anyone given there were many people with access to the changing room.

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 11/08/2022 00:03

I think you might be overreacting somewhat. They don't know who did it. Some little sod(s) who thought it was funny no doubt.

Take his clothes poolside next time. Move on.

saraclara · 11/08/2022 00:08

What more do you expect them to do? It's not as though there are any cameras to prove who did it. They can't just go around randomly accusing boys who were in the vicinity.

They seem to have done a pretty thorough job within what's possible, and they've even sent out a precautionary email to everyone who attended that evening.
While there is no resolution (nor can there be unless a kid confesses) I'd be satisfied with that email.

TinaYouFatLard · 11/08/2022 00:10

I think you should calm down.

MiauzenKatzenjammer · 11/08/2022 00:11

It's irritating, but it's hardly the crime of the century.

abovedecknotbelow · 11/08/2022 00:13

Do you want to call the police or CSI? It happened, move on and move provider of you want to.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 11/08/2022 00:16

Why did you not speak to a member of staff?

Kup · 11/08/2022 00:17

That's a horrible thing to have happened but I would leave it be. I think they are probably correct that there is nothing more that they can do.

Hope your lad is ok now.

MintJulia · 11/08/2022 00:22

Yabu. Pps are right. It isn't a crime, it's a silly schoolboy prank. They can't take people in for questioning and make accusations.

How old is your ds? This won't be the only prank he'll experience, are you going to move school each time it happens? Just get your ds to leave his bag with you while he swims, and move on.

Twillow · 11/08/2022 00:34

I'd expect them to send out an email to all the parents who were present at that lesson informing them of the incident and requesting a close eye be kept and not to leave any children unsupervised. I would certainly not expect a witchhunt and interrogation to ascertain who did it. What would that achieve?

EllenWaiteourkid · 11/08/2022 00:35

I have a spare grip if you would like to borrow it.

Watchamocauli · 11/08/2022 00:41

OP I understand how you and your DC feel. Don’t overlook be firm.
We had such things done to my DD in her prep school. The school sent email to all parents and also spoke to all the children about the consequences if found.

Ask the providers if these incidents started repeating with other children, how would they deal with it. Good luck

Minimalme · 11/08/2022 00:41

I can't see what else the Director could have done, other than offer to dust for finger prints and get forensics on the job?

That said, it is a horrible thing to happen and I am sorry that your son has been bullied in this way.

A similar thing happened to me three times at primary school. I was very unpopular ( I came from a shit home so was vulnerable and I was also quite beautiful at that age which pissed them off).

Often bullying amongst kids is jealous. Your son may have an idea who did it, encourage him to talk about how it has made him feel.

antelopevalley · 11/08/2022 00:44

I think a lot of the comments are minimising.
It was a horrible thing to happen to your DS and I understand him being upset. I also understand why the swimming provider can not do more.
What were you thinking they could do when you say they could do more?

MoiraCarrington · 11/08/2022 00:51

You’re hugely overreacting. Hugely

StClare101 · 11/08/2022 00:51

I think the response from the centre is reasonable. The parents all now know one of their kids behaved badly.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/08/2022 00:53

I can see it was upsetting but calm down. It’s not a good example for your son to see you like this. Teach him to brush things off. There’s nothing more the organisers can do so don’t be a pain, move on.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 11/08/2022 00:58

I had a similar situation in the set up you describe but not as horrible as the clothes being down the loo.

a very odd lady started changing her ds very close to mine each week as in - almost on top of us and she would seek us out to do it - I asked her to please give us some space etc and she went crazy with it and eventually get her DS to stand on our stuff. I told the swimming staff and nothing was done, all very gently gently emails reminding people about changing room etiquette. Nothing changed.

i bought a massive tube of talc and was liberal with it. She never came near us again as she didn’t like it on her clothes (which she had placed on top of our bag in some cases!) Plus it makes tracks so you can see who walked near your stuff. Not grown up but it got her to piss off, especially when you’ve tried the legitimate route and had no luck.

Ncfreely · 11/08/2022 01:05

Sorry OP I can see why that is upsetting. I would be upset too for my DC.

I can't see what else they can do - in all honesty I think they have gone a bit OTT as it is. What even are you expecting if the find the DC who did it?

WGACA · 11/08/2022 01:12

I think they’ve offered a good solution to stop it happening again.

Notanotherwindow · 11/08/2022 01:23

It's a nasty prank but I really don't see what more they can do. They don't have cameras in there for obvious reasons and without any proof, what can really be done? It could have been anyone.

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