Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS's pants & shorts found down the loo after swimming lesson

109 replies

BearBirdBaboon · 10/08/2022 23:50

AIBU that more should have been done about the incident I've detailed below? (Sorry, it's quite long.)

My DS has his swimming lessons at the pool of an independent school, where the swimming lessons are run by an outside company. The changing rooms are therefore the kind you get at schools, as opposed to leisure centres with lockers. My DS got changed before his swimming lesson and left his bag in the changing room during his lesson, as he has always done. When his lesson had finished, he couldn't find his pants and shorts. Another little boy found them in the loo and alerted a member of staff. My DS was clearly very upset by the incident.

The swimming instructors around that evening said they would report the incident to the regional director. I expected to have been contacted by the director within a few days of the incident, after an investigation. However, I was not contacted and it was not until I mentioned to DS's swimming instructor the week after the incident that I hadn't been contacted, that I was finally sent an email.

There were perhaps, at most, only three to five other families with boys who could have been in the changing rooms getting changed after their lesson, while my DS was having his lesson, so it wouldn't have taken much effort to have contacted those families to ask for details from potential witnesses and hopefully find the culprit. I'm furious that this was not done. This is an extract from the email I received:

"We have received reports back from the staff working at the pool that evening, and have tried to work out which children may have had access to the changing room at that time. The majority of children swimming were girls and for those boys who did attend we tried to ascertain which ones changed poolside with their parents and who was in the changing room. There was of course the young boy who reported the incident to our 'swimming instructor'. However, with absences we have been unable to 100% confirm who else including siblings or other spectators who may have been in there.

This is clearly upsetting for you and your son, and we do appreciate that. We have emailed parents who attend on that evening to reiterate the behaviour expected of everyone attending our lessons in the hope that a reminder might make the person responsible think about their actions. Beyond this we unfortunately can’t accuse anyone without being more certain that they may have been involved.

I know 'swimming instructor' suggested that it might be a good idea for your DS to bring his bag back to you on poolside once he is changed and collect it again on his way back to the changing room following his lesson - that way his clothes won’t be left unattended."

I don't feel enough has been done to ascertain who put my DS's clothes down the loo, which is truly disgusting behaviour. Is there anything I can do about this? If so, what? What would you do? (I would like to move them elsewhere, but having rung round, I've found that nowhere else can offer lessons at the time we're able to do them.)

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 11/08/2022 07:36

Yes their response is fine, yours is disproportionate.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/08/2022 07:37

Short of carrying out polygraphs or sending a few of the swimming instructors to Quantico to learn profiling techniques, I'm not sure what more they could have done.

Is there a reason this has upset you so much?

Needmoresleep · 11/08/2022 07:41

It happens. Kids can be unkind.

Some years ago, DD had just joined a new swimming club, and a boy poured a bottle of Lucozade into her swim bag. He would have been 11 at the time.

I deliberately sat next to the mum at the next session and broached the subject carefully, in the context of DD being new and needing support. No mother wants to hear negatives about their son. She completely went off on one. Her son was bullied, the world was against him, it was all my daughter's fault. The coach overheard it all and apparently could barely keep a straight face. Judging from the number of people who approached me afterwards, the kid was a complete pest. The silver lining was that it caused the older girls to keep an eye out for DD.

There were a few later incidents not affecting DD which appeared to confirm my belief that it was odd parents, damaged child. Every so often I google him. Easy to do as at age 23 he seems to be a rising star of his generation with his own Wiki page and a Twitter blue tick. From his trajectory my guess is that the eventual aim is politics. Ahh well.

Aprilx · 11/08/2022 07:44

It was a nasty thing to do, but I also think it sounds like they have done quite a lot to get to the bottom of it, but unfortunately were not able to. What steps do you think they have missed?

dontgobaconmyheart · 11/08/2022 07:47

I'm surprised they did as much as they did frankly and that they took the time at all. All this talk of 'witnesses' and interviewing everyone who may have been there is hysterical (and not in the comical way). Imagine receiving extraneous contact about this over some boys swimming shorts in the lavatory- baffling.

Of course it will have upset ds a bit at the time and that's a shame but these things do happen and life goes on. What do you want from them OP? You don't know who did it so can't expect them to either and surely everyone has other things to do in their lives than conduct a farcical investigation into the goings on of small children at the swimming pool.

RedHelenB · 11/08/2022 07:47

Perfect response by swimming company in my view. Yabu.

greenbirdsong · 11/08/2022 07:47

Yes it was a horrible thing to happen. But what more do you want them to do?

Call in the police forensics team? Close the building down? Send in Sherlock Holmes to find the culprit? An appeal on crime watch?

Their response is considerate, apologies and is polite.

If you're that upset then I have to agree with other posters that you need to find another venue.

Bimblybomeyelash · 11/08/2022 07:53

I understand you being angry. If that happened to my son he’d be very upset and wouldn’t want to go back. But I think they have responded appropriately and done all they can do. How you react now will effect how your son feels. My priority would be my sons resilience. I’d want him
moving on from the incident and returning to lessons. So I’d show him that I’d moved on.

Cherryblossoms85 · 11/08/2022 07:54

Sometimes I feel like I live on another planet. When I grew up, these sort of bollocks "jokes" by some dumbass kid were a constant occurrence. World is full of dickheads and bears shit in woods....

Bananarama21 · 11/08/2022 07:56

What on earth do you expect them to do really? They have a business to run, keep your items with you in future your responsible for your own belongings. I wouldn't have left my child's stuff unattended in the first place. Are you after some compensation off them or something? The swimming instructor in there to teach. They hire the premises they aren't accountable where you leave your stuff.

HughJarWang · 11/08/2022 07:58

I really couldn't get too worked up about this. Annoying and silly, but no more than that. The swimming people's response is more than I would have expected (given that I wouldn't even have pursued it in the first place - I'd have just shrugged it off as children doing something childish).

liveforsummer · 11/08/2022 07:58

Response sounds fair. If no one owns up there's no way you can find out who did it and it was just an item of clothing at the end of the day not some sort of physical attack. Serious but not so serious they need a full on investigation and of curse tightly there is no cctv to consult. Upsetting of course but easily avoided in future by way of the suggestion to bring the bag poolside

cansu · 11/08/2022 08:01

What else can they do? Interrogate them all? The culprit is hardly likely to own up. It is simy not possible to find out who did it. They have informed the other parents and have suggested a work around. There is nothing else they can do. You remind me of kids in my class who tell me they have lost a pencil and seem to think I can magically work out which one of their 29 peers might have pinched it.

memorial · 11/08/2022 08:02

The response is more than fair and detailed. How old are these children?
Were you hoping for a public inquisition? Line up? Perhaps a public shaming?
Bizarre.

WhoopItUp · 11/08/2022 08:04

I think they’ve done a huge amount to be honest.
I suspect the OP won’t be back.

TickTockBaby · 11/08/2022 08:05

@Soontobe60
I was referring more specifically to the minimising of such unkind events as a "prank".

I'm amazed this notion of minimising things by them being a joke or prank, is still parroted.

liveforsummer · 11/08/2022 08:07

Bananarama21 · 11/08/2022 07:56

What on earth do you expect them to do really? They have a business to run, keep your items with you in future your responsible for your own belongings. I wouldn't have left my child's stuff unattended in the first place. Are you after some compensation off them or something? The swimming instructor in there to teach. They hire the premises they aren't accountable where you leave your stuff.

Good point and if you check the small print they probably say this somewhere in their T&C. They are responsible for your DC's safety in the pool but not their unattended belongings you've chosen to leave. It's also a massive stretch to call it bullying. It was a once off incident and may not have even been targeted. The child that did it possibly had no clue who it actually belonged to. Saw some pants and socks hanging and thought haha. Horrid but sometimes dc are impulsive and don't think of the consequences

ItWasPeculiarButBearable · 11/08/2022 08:08

Their response is good. What more do you practically want them to do?

Your DS will find out soon enough who did it; kids can’t keep that kind of thing quiet. But then… what?

itsgettingweird · 11/08/2022 08:10

Well yes the behaviour was awful and I feel for your ds.

But they aren't detectives. And they are right. They cannot 100% be sure or ascertain who was responsible and have given a perfectly acceptable solution to prevent it happening again.

What I would expect now and you can ask for is an email is sent out reminding people of behaviour and make it clear if anyone does such a thing again they will be asked to leave with immediate effect and no refund.

Or alternatively you leave and find somewhere else.

LittleGreenBeetle · 11/08/2022 08:10

Unpleasant but not the end of the world - just silliness really - but the response from the swimming company seems fair enough and I agree with others that you are overreacting if you demand anything more.

Feetache · 11/08/2022 08:20

I think their response is perfectly acceptable. Not much more they can do. They can hardly haul all the other families in and accuse their children. Not sure what you expect. It's a bit grim but not a serious crime. What are you expecting?

CanaryShoulderedThorn · 11/08/2022 08:20

Are you absolutely 100% sure that your DS didn't have a little accident and put his clothes down the loo himself to dispose of them?

Prinnny · 11/08/2022 08:21

I think the response is fine, what more would you like them to do? They can’t work out who did it, they’ve sent an email regarding behaviour to everyone, that’s the end of it. Maybe follow their suggestion of keeping his stuff safer.

MrsOwainGlyndŵr · 11/08/2022 08:25

•Childish prank - won't be the last
•Over reaction
•Lesson provider did their best even though not their problem
•Had your DS been messing with any of the other boys in any way?
•Move on.

NoSquirrels · 11/08/2022 08:26

Horrible for your DS, and their communication could have been prompter, but other than that, there’s nothing to be done. They’ve emailed the parents, emailed you and that’s that.

Keep a close eye on your DS’s stuff poolside, as they suggest. And a close eye on the kids you suspect.