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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DS's pants & shorts found down the loo after swimming lesson

109 replies

BearBirdBaboon · 10/08/2022 23:50

AIBU that more should have been done about the incident I've detailed below? (Sorry, it's quite long.)

My DS has his swimming lessons at the pool of an independent school, where the swimming lessons are run by an outside company. The changing rooms are therefore the kind you get at schools, as opposed to leisure centres with lockers. My DS got changed before his swimming lesson and left his bag in the changing room during his lesson, as he has always done. When his lesson had finished, he couldn't find his pants and shorts. Another little boy found them in the loo and alerted a member of staff. My DS was clearly very upset by the incident.

The swimming instructors around that evening said they would report the incident to the regional director. I expected to have been contacted by the director within a few days of the incident, after an investigation. However, I was not contacted and it was not until I mentioned to DS's swimming instructor the week after the incident that I hadn't been contacted, that I was finally sent an email.

There were perhaps, at most, only three to five other families with boys who could have been in the changing rooms getting changed after their lesson, while my DS was having his lesson, so it wouldn't have taken much effort to have contacted those families to ask for details from potential witnesses and hopefully find the culprit. I'm furious that this was not done. This is an extract from the email I received:

"We have received reports back from the staff working at the pool that evening, and have tried to work out which children may have had access to the changing room at that time. The majority of children swimming were girls and for those boys who did attend we tried to ascertain which ones changed poolside with their parents and who was in the changing room. There was of course the young boy who reported the incident to our 'swimming instructor'. However, with absences we have been unable to 100% confirm who else including siblings or other spectators who may have been in there.

This is clearly upsetting for you and your son, and we do appreciate that. We have emailed parents who attend on that evening to reiterate the behaviour expected of everyone attending our lessons in the hope that a reminder might make the person responsible think about their actions. Beyond this we unfortunately can’t accuse anyone without being more certain that they may have been involved.

I know 'swimming instructor' suggested that it might be a good idea for your DS to bring his bag back to you on poolside once he is changed and collect it again on his way back to the changing room following his lesson - that way his clothes won’t be left unattended."

I don't feel enough has been done to ascertain who put my DS's clothes down the loo, which is truly disgusting behaviour. Is there anything I can do about this? If so, what? What would you do? (I would like to move them elsewhere, but having rung round, I've found that nowhere else can offer lessons at the time we're able to do them.)

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 11/08/2022 10:01

I think they’ve done all they can, it could be bullying, but equally it could have been a younger toddler sibling messing around whilst their parent was distracted helping another child change. I think they’ve already gone above and beyond to help and investigate.

jeffgoldblum · 11/08/2022 10:21

@BearBirdBaboon what did your poor son wear home?
He must have been so embarrassed and humiliated! .

Iamdonewiththis · 11/08/2022 10:41

WOW @BearBirdBaboon mandatory life sentence for the little oik that thought it was funny

RichardOsmansXraySpecs · 11/08/2022 11:16

jeffgoldblum · 11/08/2022 10:21

@BearBirdBaboon what did your poor son wear home?
He must have been so embarrassed and humiliated! .

His swimming trunks presumably. He wasn't naked.

Crazycrazylady · 11/08/2022 18:39

Genuinely
Yea of course it's not nice in fact it's horrible but you're expectations are off the wall. There is of course no way of knowing for sure who did it but expecting the director to take 'witness statements' aka csi is off that wall.

Time to let it go now

Theluggage15 · 11/08/2022 18:54

Oh well, OP’s never been back, presumably at the scene of the crime with the forensic team.

BearBirdBaboon · 11/08/2022 21:49

Judging from all the replies, it seems overwhelmingly the case that people think I'm overacting. I did come on Mumsnet to ask for your opinions and that's what I got, so thank you for your input.

OP posts:
Ducksurprise · 11/08/2022 21:56

Fair play OP, takes a lot to come back after these responses. It is ok to be riled up and protective of your child, it is also OK to realise when you don't get it quite right

EmeraldShamrock1 · 12/08/2022 11:06

Unless there was a witness to the situation there isn't much more they could do.

I'm sure it was upsetting for your DS - Explain that some DC are arseholes and enjoying ruining things for others, it's a life lesson worth knowing about early on.

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