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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give £50 as wedding gift

119 replies

LittleMermaidRose · 10/08/2022 18:28

I'm going to be a bridesmaid for my friend in a month.
Just for context, she has paid for our dresses, hair and make up. We've to buy our shoes and bag.
She has spent quite a lot on the wedding in general with the help of her and her fiancé's parents. My partner will be attending also.

I wanted to know if people thought £50 cash would be enough to give as a wedding present?
I would absolutely love to be able to give more but atm money is just so tight. I'm working an extra job just to try to make a little bit more money but that money doesn't really go very far!

I know that she wouldn't want me to stress over something like this but I can't help but feel terrible if that's all I can afford, when I feel like she deserves so much more.

I feel obligated to give her a lot more as she has spent lots of money on me. I have contributed to two hen nights as well which were quite expensive (for me)

I'm just feeling pretty bad about it, I'd love to have your opinions on this x

OP posts:
Greenqueen40 · 10/08/2022 18:29

Of course not! How much do people expect nowadays??

cptartapp · 10/08/2022 18:32

It's absolutely fine.

Anonymous48 · 10/08/2022 18:32

That doesn't seem like a lot to be honest. Have you thought about buying a gift rather than just giving cold hard cash? You could get a really lovely photo frame or vase (for example) with that money.

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2022 18:32

If it’s given with love, any gift is wonderful.

Can you think of something personal to her that you can make/do/provide that will mean something lovely to her? If so, add that to your money. Sometimes it’s the little things that are the best.

35965a · 10/08/2022 18:33

Whatever you can afford is fine. I got anywhere between a bottle of champagne up to £150. Most people gave between £20-50. I was so pleased with anything tbh!

toastofthetown · 10/08/2022 18:35

What she has spent on the wedding is immaterial, that’s her choice. The money she has spent on your dress, hair and makeup is also irrelevant to your gift, as she has decided that’s important for her wedding. Most brides wouldn’t want their bridesmaids worrying about the value of their gift. Other than a few gifts which were unusually generous, I can’t remember the value of any cash gift I received at my wedding last year and I was appreciative for everything.

clickychicky · 10/08/2022 18:35

In the nicest possible way - don't be ridiculous, she wants you to be her bridesmaid so of course she should spend money on your dress etc. £50 is fine, personally I'd get something to go with it like a picture frame. Or £30 and a photo frame.

ellie09 · 10/08/2022 18:35

Give what you can afford and that, whether it's £10 or £1000. They invited you to enjoy their big day and they should be grateful you are giving up your day to celebrate with them

HollaHolla · 10/08/2022 18:37

When I was a friend's bridesmaid, I was a full-time student, and working in a bar. My friend spent a lot on me (dress, hair, makeup), but said she didn't grudge it in the least. I gave £60, and offered to cook her and her new husband a meal (providing food, wine, etc.) on a date & time of their choosing. I am quite a good cook. I ended up doing it when they got their photos back, serving it up to them, and then leaving, so they could have a lovely evening together.
Might something like that be an option.

NC1843 · 10/08/2022 18:48

Looking back, I don’t think either of my bridesmaids gave us a gift but everything they did for us (support, hen do, logistics etc) more than made up for it.

Similar to a PP, I barely remember any specifics of monetary gifts that we received. Apart from DH’s step-brother and his wife who shoved a tenner in an envelope after waxing lyrical about the fact there was a free bar so they didn’t have to spend any of the £200 cash they’d got out for drinks 🙄

Original poster
LittleMermaidRose · 10/08/2022 18:51

You have all made me feel so much better, thank you.
Yes I was thinking of making up a little gift box with some extra goodies and stuff that would mean something to them.

Feels like a weight has been lifted, thank you x

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 10/08/2022 18:52

No need to repay her for bridal costs, those are the bride and groom's choices for their wedding.
If you want to give a gift, £50.00 is plenty.
Have a lovely time .

Bringon2023 · 10/08/2022 19:01

£50 was the average amount we were gifted for our wedding. And that was more than what we were expecting!

AprilRae91 · 10/08/2022 19:08

Yes £50 is fine! That’s what I give if I attend a wedding on my own (bit more if partner comes)

Wishingwell2022 · 10/08/2022 19:13

We normally give £50 if invited to the whole day, and £20 if it’s just an evening invite! 😬

Usually there is a 2 night hotel stay we have to pay for, and travel (2-4 hours each way) and new outfits.

We got the same when we got married, and didn’t begrudge anyone who got us nothing, we were happy with just a card.

I personally wouldn’t get them a gift, they may have loads of photo frames etc or just not like what you get them.
I liked the poster who cooked a meal for the couple, that would be a lovely idea to do maybe along with the £50?

thefatpotato · 11/08/2022 20:08

One friend gave us two dinner sets which was a few hundred pounds worth. One friend gave us a set of measuring cups which were £20 (registry so I know how much each was).

Every time I use those items I think equally fondly of the friends which bought them for us, and the wonderful ways they made our wedding special.

We also had a friend who was properly skint but still took a day off work and travelled to another city for the day to attend our wedding even though she couldn't afford a gift. I was honoured she did that for us and I have some lovely memories of her from our wedding day.

If the bride thinks anything less than the above, she doesn't sound like much of a friend tbh.

Tinktravels · 11/08/2022 20:12

I'd go for a gift of the same value instead so more thought has gone into it. Like a Jo Malone candle maybe is about £50 for their home x

PastaCheese · 11/08/2022 20:13

£25 each is very tight

Bluub · 11/08/2022 20:15

Tinktravels · 11/08/2022 20:12

I'd go for a gift of the same value instead so more thought has gone into it. Like a Jo Malone candle maybe is about £50 for their home x

That's a nice idea

Bluub · 11/08/2022 20:15

PastaCheese · 11/08/2022 20:13

£25 each is very tight

Money is tight

Carofay · 11/08/2022 20:26

I usually give £30 for a whole day invite and half that for an evening invite. Most people I know give less. So £50 seems fine to me. As other posters have said, there is the cost of travel, hotels and outfits to factor in.

Whendovescry03 · 11/08/2022 20:28

I was bowled over by the few people who gave us £50 when I got married. It seems like a crazy amount. Most people gave a bottle of bubbly or nothing at all and we didn't mind in the slightest. I'm sure £50 in a card would be really appreciated!

germsandcoffee · 11/08/2022 20:30

I wouldn't even give a gift if I'd paid for my bridesmaids dress ect

Itloggedmeoutagain · 11/08/2022 20:32

Tinktravels · 11/08/2022 20:12

I'd go for a gift of the same value instead so more thought has gone into it. Like a Jo Malone candle maybe is about £50 for their home x

£50 is an obscene amount of money to soend on a candle I don't care what brand it is

FabFitFifties · 11/08/2022 20:35

Stop stressing OP - £50 is a very acceptable gift. I wouldn't spend any of it, or any extra, on a token gift. £50 is perfect.

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