Refusing to pay back my "friends " mum money I owe aibu?

[bradtit]

6 months ago I borrowed a friend £300 and they promised to pay me back.
I didn't pressure them and mentioned it after 5 months ..to be told "I can't right now"
This person now has plenty of money(I won't go into detail how but she does)
She said she would give me them on her pay day (28th )
Pay day came and went and she didn't give me a penny and said she would have to take it from the kids school uniform money and did I want her to do it.
Whilst the day before uploading pics of new trainers she bought herself and designer glasses.

We bought concert tickets and she put them on her mums credit card £100 in June.
I said great il pay on my pay day.
My pay day came and she asked for the £100
I was fuming and said "just take it out of the £300 you owe me and just give me £200

All hell broke loose calling me a thief and told her mum I was refusing to pay her
Writing all over Facebook how you can't trust anyone blah blah

Aibu ?

Do you actually have the ticket for the concert OP? Because I don’t think you will see it unless you pay the £100. If I was the friend I would be selling the ticket on to someone else, cash only.

I think you have lost a not very good friendship and £300, cheap at the price probably.

Given the money outstanding I wouldn't have entered into any agreement for concert tickets in the first place.

This is what I think is tricky - that she said ‘yes I’ll give the money on payday.’ I would feel awkward about that. But from further posts it seems like op actually didn’t have any direct contact with the friend’s mum - the friend borrowed the money and then bought the tickets, and op was supposed to pay the friend the £100. Which changes things a bit for me. Overall (locking the door after the horse had bolted of course) it wasn’t the best course of action to get into money with this friend after she already proved to be flaky about repayment.

I disagree with most of the posters on here.

Your one error was ever saying you would pay her for the ticket. You should have absolutely said 'take it off the £300 I owe you.'

If she refused, then you shouldn't have let her buy the ticket.

But - if her mum has any scruples, she'll absolutely expect Her lying daughter to be the one to cough up for your and her ticket.

I would be utterly appalled if your friend was my child, adult or not, on the basis of what you have written and transfer £100 of the debt to myself.

(sorry that should have said the £300 you owe me).

But yeah - I would be mortified and ashamed if I was her mum.

Don’t deal with her at all, contact her mum and find out if she genuinely is owed the money.

do you have the ticket for whatever it was? Or did you go to it?

Did you not question why she was buying expensive and unnecessary concert tickets while owing you money ?

Say she has 7 days to pay the £300 or you’ll be taking her to court.

Tell her you are happy to pay for the tickets but as you haven’t received them yet you won’t be paying yet, Also say you weren’t aware of any arrangements she has with her Mum, so that js for her to sort out., You’ll never see the tickets and never need to pay is my guess,

I don't actually think you owe your friend's mum here - friend bought the tickets for you, and the fact she might have paid with her mum's card isn't really anything to do with you.

I certainly wouldn't be giving any money to your friend considering she owes you £300 and has absolutely no intention of repaying you.

Well if she said she would pay you back before you were due to pay over the £100 then YANBU really as you were assuming you would be £300 better off so could afford to do it. I would also be really pissed off if she was buying expensive designer stuff when she owed you money, it just shows what sort of friend she is.

I would deal with the mum directly and just say you were always happy to pay her back but just thought it made sense that her daughter paid her £100 then the other £200 to you. It's not an unreasonable assumption really.

Yes... this is perfect.

However, I do suspect that its bullshit about it being on her mums card.

I knew somebody wouldn't be able to help themselves ,is there really any need 🙄

Personally I wouldn't bother going to this concert chances are she will stuff you over with that and on the day of the event you'll be let down with no ticket or so lame excuse that she can't attend and has given your ticket to someone else.

I also wouldn't pay the £100 back as others have said I would be inclined to post on Facebook how false and two faced others can be borrowing money with no intention of paying it back.

She's not a friend, a true friend would never do that I certainly wouldn't but I also wouldn't have been asking a friend for money quickest way to end in arguments.
Also brought up to never lend or borrow money off of friends.

Nearly 20 years ago a housemate (ExDP friend) asked me to pick up a new cd album that had just been released while I was shopping. I did and when I gave it to him and said "12£" or whatever it was he said

"It's fine, 'ExDP owes me 20£ so I'll take it from that"

I was a poor student at the time, ExDP was a twat, I never got it back. And I've never forgotten it, even though we have all grown up I will always think of housemate in a bad light for that.

So yea, pay the mum. The 300£ is nothing to do with her.

Yup. Definitely.

Just use the same excuses with her that she uses with you. You could even say that you are especially skint at the moment because you are owed money by a friend.

She used her Mum’s card so she owes her mum the total for the tickets and you owe her so you are completely reasonable to deduct it from what she owes you. You probably should have had the discussion at the time of buying the tickets but I suspect if you had suggested that she wouldn't have arranged payment. At least you have reduced the amount she owes you to £200.

I would tell her to give you the £200 at the next payday otherwise you want nothing more to do with her. You'll soon see if she value your 'friendship'

Some friend she is! Do NOT pay her the £100. Just tell her that you cannot afford to pay out to her until you get the money she owes you. She loaned the money first, so she should pay up first. Do as a previous poster suggested; say ''Give me the money you owe me and then I will pay your Mum back immediately.'' What an entitled CF she is! I had a friend like this and eventually I cut ties. I don't even miss her (and I had thought that I would) as she upset me once too often. Also, don't let her cast aspersions on your character on Social media. Calmly write down the situation on her post, under her comments. She may not pay you your money back but at least everyone else can see there are 2 sides to this story and won't believe her completely. I think you've probably sadly lost your money but do NOT be tempted to pay her back - she is already £200 up! Sorry you have such a rubbish 'friend' - people need more kind friends like you, who was doing a good deed. x

Me too i cringed when I saw the Op not because of how she wrote it ,but because I knew there would be so many twats having to point it out
And I know my own Grammar isn't the best.

I mean you’re as bad as each other. Why did you agree to borrow money from her mum , and promise to pay it back on payday if you had no intention of doing so?

Dear Friend I am skint at the moment because someone owes me £300. When I get that £300 I will then be able to pay your mum directly £100. I wont be paying it to you but will pay it directly to her. I will speak to your mum directly tomorrow and apologise for the delay in paying but I am sure she will understand.

Alternatively pay the £100 and send a letter to your friend in very formal terms giving her 7 days to respond and pay you the £300 or you will be taking action in the small claims court. do this and actually mean it. you were stupid to lend her money in the first place but you did it so you are where you are. either you have to take firm decisive action to get it back or you just write it off. whinging and whining at her, her mum, her friends on facebook gets you absolutely nowhere. it just causes stress to you. so decide. do you want it back or will you write it off. there is no inbetween decision here its one or the other.

"Give me the £300 and I'll pay your mum it's not a problem, I was banking on it to pay her back." That or "I'm sure you can sell your new trainers to pay your mum back, you still owe me £200."

grinning at you getting "lent" wrong

YABU OP - you cannot arbitrarily swap debts with people.

Your "friend" kicked off about what you owe her mum because it's a handy way of painting you as the villain. Hence the public nature of her attack. It's a classic DARVO to take the focus off her behaviour in avoiding repayment of her own debt to you.
www.banyantherapy.com/darvo/

Unfortunately, you've played into her hands by rudely trying to write of part of her debt to you at her mother's expense. You need to pay the mum back, because it's a completely separate transaction & you have no right to withhold the mum's money in order to claw back some of what the friend owes you.

Once you've done that, you can get back to asking the friend to settle HER debt to you. I suspect you have a thin chance of success though, because her motivation in slagging you off on social media was, as above, to make you the villain of the piece. Now she's done that, she can (wrongly) justify her own treatment of you, in her own mind & to others.

It's not right, & it's not reasonable of her, but I think she is determined to not pay you back, & has set you up so that she can be "so angry" she feels it's ok to keep mistreating you. It's a thief's mindset, & she is likely looking to rob you.