Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

I'm slim with big boobs (size 28ridiculous) but a wonky face. I have heard all the arguments about how beautiful women are treated badly but to be quite honest, and this is something I'd only admit anonymously, I'd love to go through the world being beautiful and would take the downsides in a heartbeat. I appalled someone once by saying I'd swap several IQ points for`better looks but I would. There you go.

Yes - just another version of: 'it's your fault you're ugly because you don't think 'good thoughts'. Well, thanks for that Mr Raging Misogynist Dahl.

I’m not sure what the point of your post is other than, ‘I’m very pretty and I’ve aged well’.

I will sadly never know what's it's like to be truly beautiful in that conventional sense (I am beautiful of course, on the inside) but I'm sort of middling / average level of attractiveness I'd say. When I was in my 20's I got lots of attention in bars etc because I was very slim and alright looking, and could wear very trendy / sexy ish clothes. Since being older (35+) no-one so much as glances at me (not that I want them to). I'm not overweight but I'm not super slim anymore and I look like a busy mum. Men society don't see us.

Therefore just based on my experience I think it's mainly youth, and a slim figure that gets attention.

People have their own versions of beautiful.
One person might find another person attractive, while another person may look at that person and not see anything special.
People have different visual perceptions. Some may see the vibrant colours in a butterfly while others see a hawk faced glorified moth. It's all about perception.

He wasn't a misogynist...Matilda is a barnstorming feminist novel in my opinion. Protagonist, secondary protagonists and antagonist all excellent, strong female characters. And remember the conversation between Miss Honey and Mrs Wormwood where it's obvious the author values education and a career for girls and women over looking pretty for men so you can marry well?

He was an antisemite, though.

I am quite pretty but my body is quite androgynous with no hips or waist.
When I am happy and sleeping well I get some male attention, but I spent decades unhappy and sleeping poorly. No male attention.
I also suspect I am not that gratifying for men to interact with. Rather than giggle at everything they say I tend to give them a hard stare. Blame an over-analytical mind.

SueProudMum34. is right, I think. What men find attractive is not always what women see as beautiful in other women. I don't think it is easy to quantify.

Yes - just another version of: 'it's your fault you're ugly because you don't think 'good thoughts'. Well, thanks for that Mr Raging Misogynist Dahl.

I think he may have been saying the polar opposite.

And a terrible snob. All that sneering at people who watch TV.

So true. I was a looker in my younger days. I had a lot of attention although it didn’t guarantee happy relationships. I’m older now, no longer a looker (too much like hard work to maintain what used to come naturally). It was nice being good looking but I’d rather have been really (really) brainy.

That's how I always interpreted it...that good thoughts mean you AREN'T ugly and if you think you are, you're wrong.

But I know what people mean.

Absolutely this. I am, objectively, a right minger (facially) and when I was much younger and less confident, I was on the receiving end of my share of shitty comments about my lack of looks from bellend men, who only saw me sitting quietly in a corner waiting for my more attractive friends to return from the bar/the dancefloor. However I do apparently have 'charisma' and once I was a little older and more confident, more animated, I started to get a surprising amount of attention and offers, especially as people got to know me - not all from men I'd be interested in, but enough to make me realise looks are not the be-all and end-all for all men. One male friend (who suddenly made a move on me after a couple of years of what I thought was a platonic friendship, somewhat disrespecting the fact I'm happily married - we're no longer friends after that) once told me that for a lot of men, there is nothing sexier than confidence and an enthusiasm for life, and I would say this generally sums me up. I'm very far from pretty but I am confident, outgoing and am interested in the world and other people and apparently that makes me attractive to some men. I'm sure it's still substantially fewer than objectively beautiful women attract, I'm not disputing the existence of pretty privilege, but it hasn't held me back from forming happy, meaningful relationships.

Agreed, but I think there might have been a bit of time-sensitive cultural context in that. He didn't object to his short stories being dramatised on TV.

The Charlie and the Chocolate Factory films are both dire, in my opinion, but I noticed they changed Augustus Gloop's character a bit in the new one to make him actually nasty...in the book, he isn't rude or horrid to anyone.

This.

When I was younger, I was jealous, but now I realise that it is actually a disadvantage if you are a decent person as you will attract the bad boys.

Different men go for different things in women. The same as for women.

Some men want large women some prefer petite some prefer tall others skinny and besides many less than attractive women are spoken for.

Try to join something where you can get to know people slowly. Not all men will want to ask somebody out who they do not know.

The problem with being very attractive is that you attract the wrong kind of men - “the curse of being attractive.
Im about average, I deliberately dress down and don’t flirt because I don’t want that kind of attention, even so I get complements from all sorts because I dress nicely and always smile. So get male friends that respect me
Very few women are ugly, but you can make yourself unattractive by dressing badly, having a permanent sour face and hostile attitude.

I can assure you that ordinary looking women can attract them too. We get threads on here every day about that particular type of man, and I doubt ALL the OPs are uncommonly beautiful.

I think this thread is a clear example some folks just don't get it. It is all 'self esteem', 'confidence', 'charisma', etc. I have good confidence, and am a social butterfly. Huge group of male and female friends, extroverted, the works. I would smile, make conversation, have fun, all that. Slim with a good figure, but with a specific facial feature people find generally unattractive (and that I can't change or hide). I was single for absolute ages. We would go out and I would be either ignored, or even sometimes have people come up to me to tell me how ugly I was (really!).

My friends didn't believe this until they witnessed it themselves. It was hard that this was not taken seriously by them, when it was so obviously happening. I would get the well-meaning, patronising 'it is all in your head' bullshit, until it happened when they were around. Random people can be really cruel to strangers, especially when they are in groups and slightly drunk. Please believe your friends when they say this is happening to them.

I did get my happy ending eventually. I met a gorgeous guy online, who prioritised personality. He fancies the socks off me, compliments me every day, and we have a very cute baby now.

Try reading his short stories, aimed at adults. You might revise your opinion.

Beauty means so much more than a pretty face.
A toned body, good posture, glossy hair are all very important factors.

I remember sitting in a line of traffic in the city and watched a woman cross the road.
It was windy and she had a mane of silky brunette hair obscuring her face.
She was wearing a tight- ish long woollen dress, well groomed and she had an amazing figure. Her shoulders were back and she strode purposefully.
Lots of cars around including a taxi rank and I saw every male head turn and gaze at her. As she passed me I looked- her face was not what many would call beautiful, just ordinary, average.
That struck a chord with me- that women had captured the attention of many men, yet could be judged as not beautiful- yet she was.
Our face is only 10% of our body.
Having a healthy fit body, good posture and self confidence really matter- and these are the things we do have control over.

I dont understand this? You think that if an attractive woman came onto a good guy he would say oh, no thanks? You are speaking as if the woman has no agency here. Imo in that situation attractive women think that 'bad boys' are the most sought after so are as game as the 'bad boy' when it comes as getting together. It isn't like dickheads are all they can attractive.

I agree, @Museya15 one of my friends in her 50’s who was formerly very attractive, hasn’t worn particularly well. I’m not being unkind, she knows she’s gained weight and loves the sun. But my goodness she’s popular! She attracts people with her brains and personality, people love being around her.

She’s happily single right now after a painful divorce, but she could easily find a partner if she chose to.

OK, she might not be he first person to be chatted up in a bar, but she’d be the one men would want to stay in touch with.

Models usually have tiny frames. As an big framed tall woman (even when I was slim - big feet, hips, shoulders) I agree that’s not really attractive to most men who want small or average height women even if a bit fatter, and if they do like tall women then it’s tall and willowy only.

If there are tall, handsome and smart men around, would you chat up the shorter shy ones?
If you actually objectively feel you are ugly among women, may be chat up men who would be conventionally considered shy and ugly. Perhaps you may find a gem of a person there.