Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

Do you really think ugly women do not get bullied? Do not get men shouting insults to them on the street?

Well I would say I was ugly in the facial dept but I’ve always had a decent figure and nice hair so they have compensated somewhat thank goodness.

i have been chatted up but am way past all that malarkey now and am embracing invisibility.

My experience:

-was bullied/teased at school for being ugly (mostly stopped by sixth form)
I used to ask my mum if I looked nice and she said ‘you have a nice smile’ - way to go, mum!
-found it hard to meet guys properly and rarely got asked out (although I am married it was my first proper relationship - thankfully my kids have not inherited the ‘bad’ side of my looks and are on the better looking side of average). husband is average looking - he has some nice physical features but I didn’t marry for looks!!
-job interviews - I was prob bad at them because I hated being judged so a bit of a vicious circle. I still hate them and cos I know my current job isn’t my last I’m gonna have to go through it all at least one more time!!

however, I have many friends, I get on with people well and when I do go out I look like a fun person to be around.

that said I’d swap my face for even an average one given half the chance as it would make me feel more comfortable in society.

@lunar1

Absolutely. I think all we can do as mothers is just keep banging the drum about beautiful personalities and it’s not all about looks etc.

I know I'll sound like an arsehole saying this but when I was younger I actually had friends who would sometimes organise nights out behind my back - it was upsetting and I confronted one of them once when we were a bit drunk and she admitted that they wanted to go out and "cop off" and they felt they had more chance when I wasn't there as men used to chat me up first! She had a bit of a rant and told me it was hard hanging round with me sometimes as I'm "so gorgeous" that it makes other women feel inferior. I was shocked to say the least as imo none of us had ever had problems meeting men and this friend in particular had totted up many notches on the bedpost! IMO her problem was (and still is) her lack of self esteem in that she would go with anyone that showed any interest no matter how twatty they were. And it's still the same today tbh - she lets men treat her like shit.

So, just from an "attractive persons" perspective - it can be hurtful knowing that your oldest friends can be resentful of the way you look when it's really the least interesting thing about you. Anyway, I'm old now and it's not really a problem as we're all as wrinkly and saggy as one another!

And I bet you're not anywhere near as unattractive as you think.

I always reinforce with my sons that we judge people on their actions not by their looks or clothes they wear.

Just a provocative thought I have been entertaining for some time. I find interesting some comments statting to be unfair to be treated better for their looks, which is a genetic lottery, then for their talent, intelligence, skills, etc. But isn't intelligence, talent, and skills also to great extent genetically determined? Of course, you can work hard to develop certain skills, but the success to which you do it, and your inclination to do so, might be as influenced by random genetics as one's looks. Thus not sure it is more valid to be admired for one's intelligence then for one's beauty. And, in the same way beaty decays, so thus your mental sharpness.

There's plenty of plain looking women in good relationships!! If you meet people at work or a hobby, or a party, where they get to know you first - charm and a nice personality can make anyone beautiful. Getting chatted up at a bar or in an environment where looks are everything isn't the best way even for attractive women.

Honestly what did you want her to say? If she'd agreed you were too ugly to pull you'd be here complaining how rude she is. Attention from men is not the same as them wanting a relationship with you.

If you're struggling with men, it's not your appearance. It will be a case of either just bad luck or maybe a personality that's not endearing. Making the most of what you have - styling yourself well, good hygiene, staying healthy and being pleasant can go a long way in charming men AND women.

I don’t think beautiful women are really aware of their attractiveness to men. However it’s a double edged sword, beautiful women can attract right arseholes, who are only interested in having a good looking partner. Their partner has no interest in them as a person And they get traded in as soon as they lose their looks. For example Rod Stewart and his team of tall blonde clones, although his latest wife seems to have bucked the trend.

From as far back as I remember I have been bullied for being ugly. I stopped going out socially in my teens and twenties because I couldn't cope with the jeering, sarcastic or downright hateful comments I received from boys and grown men. I missed out on a lot of experiences in my life because of how I look. So unfortunately I find it very difficult to have sympathy with women who complain about their beauty because they get too much attention from men. I suppose I will never understand the problems a beautiful woman experiences, and they will never understand mine.

the bit about not looking as unattractive as you think is always a shit thing to say.
I remember Kathy Burke going on about this when some beautiful celeb went on about how all women are beautiful and you only have to believe in yourself.
Women like Kathy are not stupid. Treating them as if they are does not help.

Helena Bonham Carter! Bemoaning the fact she was too beautiful and too posh to get some jobs.

Thanks, I had not remembered who said it.

Same here. It’s shit being considered ugly. And people telling you to just work on your self esteem doesn’t help. Men can be incredibly nasty when they are showing off to each other, I absolutely hate walking past a group of men to this day due to the amount insults I’ve had shouted at me.

I don’t believe anyone is ugly but I kind of get where your coming from. The type of men you see in a pub/club are usually looking for a particular type and not all of us fit into that, for me I don’t feel I would want to be approached in a pub anyway (although I have been in the past). I think as you get older your less likely to be approached anyway, men are not as brave and forward as they were in their late teens/twenties.

I often feel I don’t faint into the ‘type’ that most men are looking for but tbh not many men fit into the type I’m looking for either. Every one has different tastes and believe there’s someone out there for everyone (more than one person). I think confidence is also attractive, men like someone who looks and acts confident, also intelligence, someone that can have a conversation and know what they are in about.

I have been dating on and off for years and I do think it’s more about what vibe you give off, obviously looks do pay a part but I get a lot of men message me because they like what I have written rather than my photo.

@MrsMcisaCt So many men are arseholes.
And I do not expect you to feel sympathy for beautiful women at all.
I hope life is better for you now.

Kathy Burke has a really beautiful smile. I bet she doesn't have any trouble at all attracting people.

Tbh we are ALL beautiful.in some way. I doubt many men would have the balls to chat up someone " etherial" like Bella Hadid, Julia Roberts, Helena Bonham Carter ( insert chosen celeb of choice as beauty is in the eye of the beholder) but men will be happy to chat you up once you project self confidence or "not giving a shit" i bet. Herein is the far more elusive goal than beauty .. self confidence!

I think it's the same for men in many ways. In my current role I have the misfortune of dealing with multiple middle aged male professionals and tradesmen. The good looking ones really expect to be able to do or say anything and charm their way out of it. The more ordinary looking ones are much more contentious.

When I was single I would get chatted up a lot (even when not at bars) and I actually think this is pretty common as a woman regardless of what you look like. At least that’s what I’ve heard from my friends and my sister and Mother (when she was younger).

I think a large part of it is the attitude you present out and also how your dresses. For example if your dresses very plainly or casually I think men maybe are thinking your not someone who wants compliments or will be open to affection and maybe they don’t think it’s worth trying?

I honestly believe any woman can get male attention like bugs to a lamp if she presents herself right.

I was a plain looking child with buck teeth, but when I turned 15 and my braces came off I must have blossomed. I was never striking (or tall) enough to be a model, but was definitely good looking enough to be asked to do promotional work for bars & clubs etc. On a night out I could guarantee to be chatted up by at least a couple of blokes and constantly offered free drinks. I never had to do anything (I've never flirted in my life) I just had to be there.

What we think of as 'beauty' is really just facial symmetry, and we value this because it's so rare. Both my Grandmother, Auntie and my cousin worked as models many years ago, so I just inherited good genes. My features happen to be symmetrical and I have big eyes and full lips. That really is all it boils down to, purely a difference of millimetres between being beautiful and being plain.

And age doesn't really diminish real beauty. My elderly Auntie is always going to be more beautiful than any average looking woman, regardless of their age. She is now pushing 80 but has had 2 proposals of marriage since my Uncle died 4 years ago. One from a man who was only in his early 60s.

I was labelled " ugly" by the horrid boys at my posh private school.

On reflection, I was perfectly lovely ..just not a jock....which is fine.

@Lovemusic33

Agree and also if your a little older and wanting older men not lads to talk to you, you have to keep in mind that just because they’re in a pub (or whatever) doesn’t mean they’re unattached. They may just be having a drink or stopping on the way home or meeting their family or friends.

@SizzlerFizzler

The funny thing about Helena Bonham Carter is she disproves the whole facial symmetry is beauty myth. She has a wonky eyelid and a crooked face and it gives her a kind of gypsy beauty in my opinion.

A very good friend of mine was a size 18-20... Always had very decent suitors. My sister is not good looking, same story. I'm not good looking either, but never had any luck with men

And what? You get chatted up because you're pretty? I have friends who are single and who are not. 2 friends who are beautiful, warm, intelligent have been single or in bad relationships most of their lives. Other friends who are plainer looking are in relationships.

I think a lot of it is the confidence you have and your openness and chattiness. Your worth is not how you look. And people have different tastes anyway.