Do beautiful women realize that ugly women are treated very differently?

[UglyNameChange]

My friend (who is very beautiful) got into a relationship not so long ago and said how she hopes I’ll be soon in one too - she knows I’d like a relationship also.
Well, few days ago she was telling me to just go to a bar and get chatted up with men, it won’t be long etc. and I’d just had to laugh, and asked her does she remember any man to ever have done that before and why would is sudenly have changed.
I think I accidentally made things akward because she went really quiet.
She pretty much can go anywhere and men will start up conversation or get asked out.

And this made me think if she genuinely thought we all have the same opportunities?

I have mentioned Kathy Burke because she openly says this about herself.

OP, beautiful women don' owe you anything. They aren't responsible for the workings of your emotions or your ego. This is something you must look at internally, rather than projecting out. Society is complex, often unfair and most of us are brought up amongst a sea of contradictions and hypocrisy, culturally speaking.
You can never create awareness via demand or blame. Your sense of beauty or ugliness is yours and yours alone.

In answer to the main question, I do think beautiful women are very aware, especially on MN, that women who identify as either ugly or fat are depply resentful of them.

And just like real life, ugly women have been silenced on this thread.

For example, I am nearly 50. When I go out and very young women pas by who are extremely beautiful, I do not expect them to acknowledge their fucking natural privilege and soft soap me for growing older. It isn't their responsibility. It isn't their problem and it isn't their business how I feel if I compare myself unfavourably to them. Which I don't. Because life it too fucking short for this navel gazing shit.

I choose to like myself, it's my own reality and no one else's awareness of this matters.

"ugly women are silenced"? I'd say all women are silenced, depending upon the situation. An abused yet beautiful woman is sadly subject to the same patriarchy a less attractive one is.
And where lies beauty/attractiveness anyway? Who invented it, who alters it every few decades?
It is culturally created. Another lousy pecking order for us all to fight over whilst the REAL privilege is shared amongst a tiny few 'at the top'. Mmmm....

How?

I have mentioned Kathy Burke because she openly says this about herself.

see I disagree, yes she's not beautiful & is overweight but I don't see her as very unpleasant to look at, her appearance doesn't offend my eyes

So if you actually care about being "beautiful", put the work in, problem solved.

spoken like a true insta hun.

The thing is once middle age hits and everyone becomes equal looks wise the beautiful ones have further to drop.

this is so so wrong lol

@antelopevalley how do you know? Could be a whole lot of average looking women being silenced. For every beautiful woman whose been oblivious to her privilege, there’s at least 2 average looking women who insist they are deeply ugly, to the point of accusing people of being liars when they describe them as attractive.
The whole ranking system seems to be a nonsensical prison that women get trapped in wherever they fall on it.

I don't have particularly attractive features, and I'm overweight (despite all my healthy moderate eating, go figure) but I am very happily married, have plenty of friends, am seen as someone with a good sense of humour, good at my job and fairly cheerful most of the time.

I'm still able to comment on the fact that my lived experience is that I am treated differently to more attractive people. I'm not looking to change myself as a result and I'm not sure that, short of plastic surgery, I even could; it's just a fact that people, men and women, react differently to more attractive people, and actual proper scientific research tells us that this is the case, and their life outcomes are often better as a result.

Oh fuck off. Some people are more attractive than others, don't try to make it into some kind of character flaw of the OP's.

I'm not, I couldn't care less about someone's looks. I'm ugly and bloody well proud of it, it's took me 41 years to get to that fact but I have an advantage over almost all women and I'd like to thank my mother who is in her late 60s still rocking her natural hair colour and still looks young for her age, thay gene has fortunately spread to me, I look younger than my age, not a hint of a wrinkle.
So while my counterparts ugly and beautiful reach for the botex and every other treatment going, I am thankful for my youthful appearance.

So believe me if I was beautiful I'd be reaching for everything going to remain young and beautiful, and you say I resent beautiful people, not on your bloody nelly

"They may not be your type of men but some will approach."

Not true. I haven't been approached in about 10 years. Regardless of looks, I don't think people approach strangers in bars as much as they used to as most dating is online now. It may be the better looking who still get chatted up by strangers.

Honesty, self-esteem isin’t the issue.
I have a mirror, I know what beuty standards are, I can be honest and still love myself.
Self-esteem won’t fix genes.

————-

OP I agree 100%. It’s so annoying when people think that you have low self esteem just because you recognise that beauty standards are objective and that you don’t fit them.
All this “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” is bollocks

Yes - objectively assessing yourself as unattractive doesn't mean you have low self esteem.

Suppose you were, say, a terrible cook, or unable to swim, or can't sing - acknowledging that doesn't mean you have low self-esteem, it's just a factual negative about yourself.

I am ugly/unattractive/however you want to describe it. I could list lots of good things about myself - just not that.

I think it's true that above average attractive people get treated nicer by men and by women, that's what research shows. However, the level you need to be at to gain this type of positive attention is not incredibly high, you do not have to be beautiful or gorgeous, but just reasonably nicely turned out and confident looking. I am not 'beautiful' but am considered 'attractive', and it really is all a bit of make-up and well put together (charity shop clothes) and a smile(the last is more important as you age I think, I'm in my fifties). I do not have a beautiful face, but a pleasant one. Men who are wearing nice clothes and look trim/fit whatever their age probably experience something similar.

Truly beautiful people are quite rare, and I don't think the research is about that.

It's also the case that a lot of people like being older/invisible/not attracting horrible attention/disinterested in that type of self-presentation/better things to do/too bound up in caring/other things in life to prioritise it.

MarieIVanArkleStinks

Well said!

@HerArtMaterials

I have no idea how you got whatever you got from my message.
But having read your unnecessarily and unfoundedly angry comment all I have to say is that maybe you should take your own advice and take a responsibility of your own emotions.

Beauty standards change all the time, a plain woman nowadays would have married a king in the 1500s, now its all plumped up lips, sugary diet milkshakes and sculpted hard toned bodies that resemble mens, fake boobs, fake lips and fake arses. The quicker that fad passes the better, even kids are sticking needles into their lips. What will they all look like in their 50s and 60s?
Diabetic and skin they can wrap around themselves 3 times that's were that beauty standards is heading. Look at katie price once a natural beauty and kim kardashian ect, freak shows of their former selves.

Leave Roald Dahl alone bitters! This is an example of bad attitude not making you more attractive!
The man brought Joy to children, parents and people in general and is long dead, how pathetic to assassinate his character now.

That out the way I think that if you do stay in shape (and maybe even shape wear could help motivate you and make you see how much attention you could get if you were) you will attract more men. A womanly body goes a long way with men. And dressing for it.

Actually feminine style in general attracts men (nails, some makeup, nice hair that’s not too short or weird), don’t underestimate the power of a dress that shows your figure. Of course if you show up wearing trackies with a big gut men aren’t going to go ga ga over you. What do you expect? Do you think men who do that get female attention?

It's fine not to like someone's aesthetic but I'm not down with calling women "freak shows".

What an interesting post. Goes very well with the username.

@HerArtMaterials

Agree with your post. Despite pretending not to care some care very much and the bitterness is palpable.

@antelopevalley

Kathy Burke is about as famous as a weatherman