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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - football against fence

134 replies

XCTX · 10/08/2022 11:14

Hi all

Need a quick bit of advice to make sure I'm not just being curmudgeonly!

Recently moved into a new property with a lovely back area and have found out that neighbours to the back kids have a penchant for football, resulting in constant balls against the fence when the weather is remotely nice. I can't explain how loud it is to the point where I hear it in my front room even with doors closed and TV on, during summer holidays it is making WFH impossible.

I've been round before and politely asked them if there was any chance of playing football away from the fence, was told "I have x amount of boys here, the football will hit the fence." - so that was helpful.

The fence itself is absolutely knackered from the constant impact to the point where we can see each into others gardens which I'm really not comfortable with - its only a matter of time before a fence panel comes in and the fence is damaged properly.

When balls come over I do keep them as its the only time i get any peace, when I say I keep them just to be clear they are welcome to come and get them back by knocking on the door but I wont be throwing them over. Not long ago got a head over the fence to say "weve looked through the fence and can see the balls in your back we've been looking for them can you throw them back" (this was an adult not a child) - really not comfortable with my neighbours looking straight into my back!

Added to this we've recently had an addition of a puppy join us who gets the fright of his little life when he's outside enjoying the sun and hears a huge bang, cue a fit of barking and a reluctance to go outside and pee.

I completely understand that kids make noise - as we all do! However this is becoming a bit much, my mind has occasionally wandered to saving some dog ablutions to place on the ball before throwing back next time and saying "oh sorry it landed in his business before i had a chance to bag it up!" but before getting there I want to know..

AIBU to return back round and be slightly firmer in asking the footballs to stay away from the fence - I am not wanting to tell people how to use their own personal gardens but its really impacting multiple areas of my life now

Also - any property experts out there - how do I find out who owns this fence from a boundary POV? No reference in my deeds... If it's me I will be replacing the panels and making it crystal clear any damage from impact will be criminal damage.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 10/08/2022 11:38

I was sympathetic until your last paragraph. You don't want to appear curmudgeonly, but you then threaten them with references to criminal damage!

Sirzy · 10/08/2022 11:42

AIBU to return back round and be slightly firmer in asking the footballs to stay away from the fence - I am not wanting to tell people how to use their own personal gardens

thats exactly what your wanting to do!

SavoirFlair · 10/08/2022 11:42

YABU.

Dotjones · 10/08/2022 11:45

YANBU, but this is Mumsnet where children are allowed to do what the hell they like and neighbours have to put up with it.

SavoirFlair · 10/08/2022 11:45

It’s clear from the increasing number of threads, that people want to police activity during 0900-17:00 , due to WFH which some people think is an inalienable human right.

It’s the summer - you have your windows open, you chose to work from home. People will have kids home during the summer. The two may not be compatible, but your life and activity is not more important than another person’s.

I despair that so many people are trying to place restrictions on other people’s use of housing when the onus is on you to find a quiet place in your house. If you can’t, then go back to your work premises .

Wolfiee · 10/08/2022 11:46

YANBU, this would drive me nuts and I’d be keeping the balls too

SavoirFlair · 10/08/2022 11:46

Dotjones · 10/08/2022 11:45

YANBU, but this is Mumsnet where children are allowed to do what the hell they like and neighbours have to put up with it.

No. This is Mumsnet where some of us believe the right for folk to enjoy their garden isn’t less important than the right of WFH folk to have silence during the day

the funny part is this post probably wouldn’t exist in November, because the perfect WFH conditions will magically return when kids are back at school / windows are closed etc

Sirzy · 10/08/2022 11:47

Another part of the post covid legacy seems to be the amount of people who now WFH and expect all neighbours to remain silent during their working hours!

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 11:48

I am not wanting to tell people how to use their own personal gardens

Well, you really are, though, aren't you?

it is making WFH impossible

Why? Does your WiFi cut out with each impact?

I'm sorry, but I think YABU. Sometimes you will hear annoying noises from other people's gardens. That is part of what having neighbours means. If the fence is yours and they are damaging it, that is when you can have a moan. But a noise of a football hitting a fence in someone else's garden is perfectly normal I'm afraid.

I'm currently WFH and one of my neighbours is currently using a strimmer to clear an entire garden of weeds. It is noisy and quite annoying. It is also something he is perfectly entitled to do, so I do not have grounds for complaint.

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 11:50

Dotjones · 10/08/2022 11:45

YANBU, but this is Mumsnet where children are allowed to do what the hell they like and neighbours have to put up with it.

No, it's reality, in which people of all ages are perfectly entitled to play ball games in their own gardens during the day, because that is one of the things that gardens are actually for.

Cyclebabble · 10/08/2022 11:50

Hi OP, I am the mother of two boys. They will want to play football in their own back garden and occasionally this means that the ball will hit the fence and that it will go over the fence. I would always ask my DC to keep the ball as central as they can and not deliberately to kick it at a fence (so they certainly should not for example be using the fence as a goal). You say the noise is unbearable. In these summer months there will be some noise, there is from my own neighbours, but unbearable?

There is nothing to stop you putting your own fence up on your side of the boundary which might further deaden the noise, but I think you need to think about your own tolerance levels. TBH.

Arbesque · 10/08/2022 11:50

If they're damaging and breaking the fence then of course you're not being unreasonable. Also if it's constant then n it's annoying regardless of whether you're working from home or just trying to enjoy your own garden.

drawacircleroundit · 10/08/2022 11:51

@SavoirFlair
”This is Mumsnet where some of us believe the right for folk to enjoy their garden isn’t less important than the right of WFH folk to have silence during the day”
For some of us, the right to enjoy our garden involves it being peaceful throughout the day. Some of us also work night shifts.
OP, YANBU. Some parents need to realise TF’s parenting involves teaching their kids about not pursuing activities that impact negatively on others. They can practise fucking keepy ups.

gatehouseoffleet · 10/08/2022 11:52

My son used to do this but it wasn't all day and we didn't let him out before 10am on a Sunday. He also didn't use the fence as a goal, we put a goal in front for him to aim at, which helped.

But my neighbours variously use power tools, play loud radios, have workmen who use power tools and play loud radios, have screamy kids and have loud parties.

So I think we are quits.

Are you always super-quiet?

HappyHamsters · 10/08/2022 11:52

I would put up a very robust fence your side regardless of whose fence the existing one is anyway, it will cut down the noise a bit and hopefully create a bit of a barrier and perhaps it is criminal damage if someone continues to damage your property when they have been asked not to,.

gatehouseoffleet · 10/08/2022 11:52

Arbesque · 10/08/2022 11:50

If they're damaging and breaking the fence then of course you're not being unreasonable. Also if it's constant then n it's annoying regardless of whether you're working from home or just trying to enjoy your own garden.

Depends whose fence it is I suppose.

SavoirFlair · 10/08/2022 11:55

drawacircleroundit · 10/08/2022 11:51

@SavoirFlair
”This is Mumsnet where some of us believe the right for folk to enjoy their garden isn’t less important than the right of WFH folk to have silence during the day”
For some of us, the right to enjoy our garden involves it being peaceful throughout the day. Some of us also work night shifts.
OP, YANBU. Some parents need to realise TF’s parenting involves teaching their kids about not pursuing activities that impact negatively on others. They can practise fucking keepy ups.

Ah. Night shifts.

Well. If you worked night shifts and were my neighbour then I would be aware of this. And would act accordingly.

But why does Mumsnet always descend into “I also happen to need X (subject of discussion) but.. because of Y condition so everyone is being unreasonable”

every single time on here …

drawacircleroundit · 10/08/2022 11:57

@10HailMarys
A strimmer = temporary
A football hitting the fence = intermittent, punchy sounds that will happen throughout the summer
The neighbour was unsympathetic and defensive. She could have easily said, “Let’s work out the hours when it would be less inconvenient - I can appreciate that the noise is intrusive.” OP could have gone in with that too, but that would have been received as being bossy and taking away freedom and human rights, I would imagine.

Brefugee · 10/08/2022 11:59

are they literally kicking the ball against the fence (using it as a goal?) or is it occasionally.

The repetitive thump of ball on fence can be really loud and disturbing no matter what you're doing. But if it's just now and then?

I think if your child's ball lands in someone's garden, it is polite to ring the bell and ask them to give it back rather than shout over the fence though.

drawacircleroundit · 10/08/2022 12:01

SavoirFlair · 10/08/2022 11:55

Ah. Night shifts.

Well. If you worked night shifts and were my neighbour then I would be aware of this. And would act accordingly.

But why does Mumsnet always descend into “I also happen to need X (subject of discussion) but.. because of Y condition so everyone is being unreasonable”

every single time on here …

Show quote history

There’s a “flawed logic” theory that agrees with you - wish I could remember what its proper term is, but you’re right - Mumsnet does do this. The application of one’s own circumstances to dictate what should be the actions of everyone else. I suppose we do it because it’s a chat forum and interesting to present different circumstances.
I don’t work nights - I’m just always interested in how those that do ever get any sleep at all!

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 10/08/2022 12:01

If it is your fence paint as much as you can reach over their side with anti climb paint.

JaniceBattersby · 10/08/2022 12:02

I have multiple boys. We bought a house with a big garden because they are football and cricket mad. The green space around here has all been built on (and the prices of the houses are ridiculous, far too expensive for anyone local) and the park is a busy main road away. They’re all primary age and it’s too far for them to go alone. I can’t sit in the park all day and watch them.

They used to play in the street but people started to park on the street as well as their driveways and then weren’t happy with the kids playing near their cars.

So they play sport in the garden and the ball does hit the fence. It’s our only option really. We’ve lost 20 (soft) cricket balls already this summer because our neighbours don’t throw them back. I think they’re miserable but whatever.

If we want kids from normal households to go on to have careers in sport, to have some kind of chance of turning professional, then we’re going to have to accept that most of their practice will be in the garden. If we want kids to not be obese, to be strong and healthy then we’re also going to accept that they will make some noise in their gardens. Playing football is an escape for many kids. It gives them an outlet for their energy and keeps them emotionally happy. It certainly helps my kids when they’ve had a tough day.

That’s life OP. No man (or woman) is an island.

Notimeforaname · 10/08/2022 12:08

I am not wanting to tell people how to use their own personal gardens

You are. Kids need to play. They're playing football in their own garden. That's life I'm afraid. When you live around people and especially children, there will be noise.

Some people cant stand the sound of a dog barking but have to live with it... or move

10HailMarys · 10/08/2022 12:13

@drawacircleroundit I used the strimmer example because that was what was happening at that particular moment.

I also have neighbours on either side who both have kids - four kids on one side, two on the other - and dogs. There's a lot of ball games, shrieking and squealing in paddling pools, barking etc throughout the summer as well. On one side they have a set of swings that creak too. I don't have kids, but all this to me is still perfectly normal garden noise from people using their gardens for one of the purposes gardens are intended for. Would I prefer them to be silent? Yes. Would it be OK for me to ask for that? No.

MissyB1 · 10/08/2022 12:14

So my ds is obsessed with kicking his football in the garden but I’m well aware it can be noisy and annoy the neighbors. So we bought him a big rebound thing that he kicks the ball at and it bounces back to him. We also have time limits on how long he can be kicking the ball for at one time.

If it goes over the fence he has to go around and apologise and ask politely for it back.