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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - football against fence

134 replies

XCTX · 10/08/2022 11:14

Hi all

Need a quick bit of advice to make sure I'm not just being curmudgeonly!

Recently moved into a new property with a lovely back area and have found out that neighbours to the back kids have a penchant for football, resulting in constant balls against the fence when the weather is remotely nice. I can't explain how loud it is to the point where I hear it in my front room even with doors closed and TV on, during summer holidays it is making WFH impossible.

I've been round before and politely asked them if there was any chance of playing football away from the fence, was told "I have x amount of boys here, the football will hit the fence." - so that was helpful.

The fence itself is absolutely knackered from the constant impact to the point where we can see each into others gardens which I'm really not comfortable with - its only a matter of time before a fence panel comes in and the fence is damaged properly.

When balls come over I do keep them as its the only time i get any peace, when I say I keep them just to be clear they are welcome to come and get them back by knocking on the door but I wont be throwing them over. Not long ago got a head over the fence to say "weve looked through the fence and can see the balls in your back we've been looking for them can you throw them back" (this was an adult not a child) - really not comfortable with my neighbours looking straight into my back!

Added to this we've recently had an addition of a puppy join us who gets the fright of his little life when he's outside enjoying the sun and hears a huge bang, cue a fit of barking and a reluctance to go outside and pee.

I completely understand that kids make noise - as we all do! However this is becoming a bit much, my mind has occasionally wandered to saving some dog ablutions to place on the ball before throwing back next time and saying "oh sorry it landed in his business before i had a chance to bag it up!" but before getting there I want to know..

AIBU to return back round and be slightly firmer in asking the footballs to stay away from the fence - I am not wanting to tell people how to use their own personal gardens but its really impacting multiple areas of my life now

Also - any property experts out there - how do I find out who owns this fence from a boundary POV? No reference in my deeds... If it's me I will be replacing the panels and making it crystal clear any damage from impact will be criminal damage.

OP posts:
vivainsomnia · 10/08/2022 13:19

I despair that so many people are trying to place restrictions on other people’s use of housing when the onus is on you to find a quiet place in your house. If you can’t, then go back to your work premises
So if my job at home entail using a very loud bell that I stroke every few minutes but unexpectedly, and the sound made you jump each time and made your baby cry, would it be fair on me that it would your problem and the onus would be in you to find somewhere quiet in your house?

The very vast majority of people wouldn't tolerate it, when it's kids, and involves play that mean their parents can get in with whatever they want to do, then it's ok!

ThePomegranateClause · 10/08/2022 13:21

Lots of posters have obviously never experienced this behaviour. Having a ball slam intermittently against a fence is such a shock to the system, it really makes you jump. We used to have neighbours with teenage sons who used the fence as a goal, it ruined sitting in the garden for me, and I had to dash to get the ball so our dog didn't get it. One time the dog burst it before I got to it, I then wondered why on earth I'd been stopping her from getting the ball, so I let her get any that came over the fence. They stopped using the fence as a goal.

Lots of parents really don't care what distress or inconvenience their little darlings cause others.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 13:42
  • we want kids to not be obese, to be strong and healthy then we’re also going to accept that they will make some noise in their gardens. Playing football is an escape for many kids. It gives them an outlet for their energy and keeps them emotionally happy. It certainly helps my kids when they’ve had a tough day.

That’s life OP. No man (or woman) is an island.*

Yep. And it's the summer holidays. Only four weeks and it'll be quiet again.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 10/08/2022 13:49

How often is it hitting the fence? If they’re kicking it continuously and purposefully against the fence so that they can play alone by kicking it and having it bounce back to the, then I would say YANBU. However if they are playing together and the ball just happens to hit the fence sometimes I feel that is normal usage. You can’t expect silence from other peoples gardens.

If you are WFH then get noise cancelling headphones and accept the fact that you’re not going to get the conditions of an office from home.

Original poster
XCTX · 10/08/2022 13:52

Hi all,

Many thanks for the replies! Let me just say I do really, truly see both sides. Gardens are there to be played in, but I firmly believe this can be achieved without overly irritating anybody we share our fences with - and I am slightly shocked with the amount of posters whos summaries are "put up and shut up"

To be clear, i don't care about noise in general, hearing kids play is actually very pleasant, what I do care about is constant loud impact ricocheting throughout my house because of what I perceive to be selfishness.

I would like to play Devil's Advocate for a moment. To the posters firmly in the camp of "Kids need to play, there will always be balls hitting fences" can I ask if your own DCs were using the fence as a goal (as is happening here, apologies I didn't clarify that) and the solution to ensure minimum disruption to neighbours was to aim the ball away from the fence...and therefore back at your own house...would you still be so ardently passionate that kids need to exercise and find yourself saying "its ok if they hit the windows, walls, doors constantly and cause damage..kids need exercise and this sort of thing will happen!"

...I suspect not!! Best to tell them to aim away from the house and annoy the neighbours, then everyone gets what they want (!)

OP posts:
Original poster
XCTX · 10/08/2022 13:54

Also re: WFH being my choice.

My company sold up their offices and mandated a 100%WFH for all staff post pandemic, so unfortunately I have no choice unless I find another job.

Think you'll find thats happened with a lot of us "moany" WFH crew.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 14:44

...I suspect not!! Best to tell them to aim away from the house and annoy the neighbours, then everyone gets what they want (!)

Yes would want them to aim away from windows. 100% And aim at fence.

But I wouldn't be trying to annoy neighbours! 🙄

If neighbours mentioned it I would get a goal to absorb the ball and limit times.

LuxembourglivinginDenmark · 10/08/2022 16:31

But regardless of you thinking its annoying it's still their garden and they can use it as they wish...
I would not recommend trespassing another person garden and ruin s fence. If they have video surveillance like many do they will have you on record.

girlfriend44 · 10/08/2022 16:38

The correct thing to do if a ball comes over is actually to leave it where it is?

why don't you join in with them op ask if you can play too you might enjoy yourself and it will release the tension.

Nokiding · 10/08/2022 16:39

Let the Kids be. They are only playing football

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 16:42

why don't you join in with them op ask if you can play too you might enjoy yourself and it will release the tension.

😆😂

UWhatNow · 10/08/2022 16:46

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 16:42

why don't you join in with them op ask if you can play too you might enjoy yourself and it will release the tension.

😆😂

I would hate to be your neighbour - glad you find inconsiderate behaviour so funny. 🙄

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 16:47

I would hate to be your neighbour - glad you find inconsiderate behaviour so funny. 🙄

Chill!

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 16:48

Or kick a ball around. 😉

houseofboy · 10/08/2022 17:02

Completely sympathies we have ppl behind us who kids regularly hit the fence, we have just replaced it as old one knackered suspect partly due to their ball. They were really off worth the guy doing it ( we have a fence and so do they as much newer houses behind with a weird boundary situation). Have two boys if my own much younger so appreciate kids being in the garden but does big me how hard they hit it and the number of balls we get over. Struggle with the fact parents seem to think it's perfectly acceptable.

JugglingJanuary · 10/08/2022 17:15

@XCTX

YANBU

letting kids boot a ball at a neighbours fence repeatedly, is anti social. Fine If it's the occasional miss of the goal, but not deliberately just kicking it at the fence.

my neighbours over the back have kids who are teens/early 20's now. I've been here 12 years. I've been through small children squealing, crying, fighting. Primary school age- arguing, ganging up & taunting, more crying. Then years of bouncing the fucking basketball on the hard surface & kicking (booting) the football against the fence. Oh & a tennis table table & darts board. (Tunk tunk tunk...pause... tunk tunk tunk....) this was mostly the boys.

the youngest, a girl, summer after summer of squealing, 'playing' the recorder & bouncing on the (needs oiling) trampoline. Plus 'singing'. & playing god awful kids pop music.

they seem to know every child in the neighbourhood too! I'm still not exactly sure how many kids live there!!

the mum has a very very noisy elliptical trainer too.

The dad is just a twat.

I once thanked him for getting their trees on our boundary trimmed down - very nicely, he told me I could fuck off, it was for his benefit, not mine! Charmer.

its kind of been nice hearing them all growing up, but it's a wonder the fucking football hasn't been inserted up one of their backsides!

I can't do anything about the fence as it's a walkway between us, unfortunately there's an old 'covenant' (??) that means our terrace has to keep their fence in good order (along with the others along there).

I shall miss it all when I move, BUT not the fucking football!

HotHeatDays · 10/08/2022 17:19

Nokiding · 10/08/2022 16:39

Let the Kids be. They are only playing football

You'd feel differently if it was your property being damaged.

luckylavender · 10/08/2022 17:22

I'd be trying to be a bit more neighbourly otherwise when your poor little puppy starts barking it won't end well.

millymollymoomoo · 10/08/2022 17:24

I’m a mother and taught my children to play nicely, be respectful of neighbours, not constantly bounce balls etc and any screeching/screaming /excessive noise they’d be in

Most on here think it’s perfectly acceptable fir kids to do what the bell they want, make as much noise as they want with no regard at all fir others.

selfish lazy parenting and kids growing up with huge sense of entitlement!

CornishTiger · 10/08/2022 17:26

Cyclebabble · 10/08/2022 11:50

Hi OP, I am the mother of two boys. They will want to play football in their own back garden and occasionally this means that the ball will hit the fence and that it will go over the fence. I would always ask my DC to keep the ball as central as they can and not deliberately to kick it at a fence (so they certainly should not for example be using the fence as a goal). You say the noise is unbearable. In these summer months there will be some noise, there is from my own neighbours, but unbearable?

There is nothing to stop you putting your own fence up on your side of the boundary which might further deaden the noise, but I think you need to think about your own tolerance levels. TBH.

This!!!

And I’d rather hear a football than hearing a mother scream all day at her kids expletives. Or when a domestic kicks off and 999 needed. That’s fun. Especially when I am in a work teams often multi agency involving police…..

fancy a property swap?! @XCTX

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 17:27

*Most on here think it’s perfectly acceptable fir kids to do what the bell they want, make as much noise as they want with no regard at all fir others.

selfish lazy parenting and kids growing up with huge sense of entitlement!*

Yawn. nope. not true.

MissMaple82 · 10/08/2022 17:30

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable. Until you've actually lived listening to a ball smashed against a fence all day every day you can't comment. I am living just this with you OP it is driving me to insanity. It also my fence thst they are smashing to pieces, a panel has already popped off once and fixed by me. I too have politely asked them not to kick a ball against my fence, kick it against your own fence, but they still do it. It absolutely is criminal damage and if they damage it again they will be billed for it. Neighbours need to be respectful and aware of the impacts their doings have on others instead of all this, my garden, my space I'll do as I bloody well wish malarky! It'll not neighbourly and its really really rude.

MissMaple82 · 10/08/2022 17:33

luckylavender · 10/08/2022 17:22

I'd be trying to be a bit more neighbourly otherwise when your poor little puppy starts barking it won't end well.

What kind of comment is that? Your just the type of parent I suspect that just let's your kids run riot causing so much misery to your poor neighbours

NoSquirrels · 10/08/2022 17:36

Offer to buy them some nets to aim at instead of the fence.

Erect your own fence inside your boundary, and grow a tall hedge.

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2022 17:37

What kind of comment is that? Your just the type of parent I suspect that just let's your kids run riot causing so much misery to your poor neighbours

God alive. You haven't a single clue what sort of parent this poster is.

But you sound ridiculous.

Have you sent the bill in for the 'criminal' damage to your fence? Called the police?

Is it children kicking the ball?

You know they're back to school in a few weeks if it is. Better get that bill in quick.

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